r/OCPoetry

*Your eyes*

Verdant hazels stare moonlight down into the pit of me, Illuminating the grove of a sun-worn face. Flimsy pinewood hearts reach for reassuring bedrock, Daring to dream roots in an unfamiliar place.

Like autumn leaves carried away in the currents of that vast ocean Never to return to their solstice home, The winds from your gaze scattered my branches bare, And all defense gone.

Fortitudes crack and harden in a side glance of suggestion. Bodies writhe and spark on a naked shore, storming against the grain. Lips restlessly pulling sap from the heartwood, Nourishing the soil again.

There was a place below, with flick ember secreted; Needled hollows never doused by summer sadness. The brush of passion's white heat caught there, Burning up the whole earth in madness.

This is intended for someone very special, new, romantic. To be handwritten and sent. Played with this for only a day so far and seeking feedback on rhyming structure and clarity of imagery most specifically. Also any points where the reading/words feels tangled? Does it need a 5th stanza?

Recent Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/qiWm0SOh2I

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ixkS5CLYAF

Mahogany Birds

When i was young, I lay upon soft green grass between the gnarled roots of a mahogany tree.

The sunlight scattered, shattered into fine blades by the dense canopy.

I see the dark face of a green monkey holding her babe

She wipes his face, then leaps away,

Causing the thick branches to shake loose mahogany seeds free from open pods.

Twirling, they float upon the lightest breeze

Brown papery things, flying with one spinning wing

I find myself again today, picking them up, helping them to fly away

As they did on that day

When I was young.

Not sure how I feel about this one.... help🥲

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NIJgoYwfZo

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/aOKw9rJkWe

You.

White button down shirt.

Under golden light.

Black dress pants.

Head held high.

Nervously confident.

A smile then grew.

A spark in your eyes.

That was when I fell for you.

We have spent lifetimes finding each other.

Fought endless wars to get back to each other.

At this point nothing can kill what we have.

Not monsters, not ghosts, not time.

We will endure

Survive.

--

Don't take away my world.

Thinking you know what's best.

Let us rebuild our home.

And leave what they did in the past.

I always knew you were brave.

Strong, loving, and wise.

You’ve endured every day.

Believing their hurtful lies.

Now you know it wasn't true.

There was a reason for your pain.

I still loved you through the night.

You were darkness's bane.

Lay down your walls.

Lay down your fears.

For I will do what you have done.

and wait my thousand years.

You are worth every ache

Every tear and day.

Because ever since I met you.

My life has never been the same.

If they keep you down.

If you're afraid to speak.

If guilt and shame hold you back.

If you think that you're too weak.

Then come to me and you'll be free.

We'll get you on your feet.

Choose what makes you happiest.

Even if it's not with me.

I came back not for myself.

But to tell you you were loved.

I couldn't stand another minute.

Of you believing you're not enough.

You have always mattered.

So much so that in fact.

"You" survived the torture.

When even I wasn't left intact.

So if it takes 1000 years.

To heal from what they did.

Or to find your way back out.

From the dark in which you hid.

Know that I am strong.

Resolute like rock and stone.

Building a life with space for you.

A place that we'd call home.

Should you ever come to visit.

Or change your main address.

You'll always have a home with me.

My life, I give to you the rest.

Context: When I was 17, I got my first job as a cashier at BJs wholesale club. During break or waiting to clock in, I would go to the electronics section and the song 1000 Years by Christina Perry was playing on loop. I'd walk down the aisle with TVs on each side with the music video playing simultaneously on all of them. The video is full of glittering lights and it was always magical to walk through it; I'd walk back and forth feeling things deep inside me trying to wake up.

With my emotions back, I now remember feeling deep love and grief. The song, and those moments mean so much more to me now. That's what the poem is based on, how I felt back then hoping he felt the same but knowing now that if he did, every day felt like 1000 years.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3fftg/comment/pfby2jz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3jptz/comment/pfbrdq7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

note: please ignore the periods at the end of each line and the horrible structure. formatting is just not working

What is hell if not waiting for heaven

And what are stars if not ornaments of the sky

What are your freckles if not sparks of my heart

In our life we only have a paragraph and a dot

And we close our chapters with commas

And yours I wrote with good ink but with the wrong words

Forever and unchangeable in the Book of God

And if in every millisecond I make a choice

Not telling what I feel to you is my only regret

Cause even though I made mistakes, I learned with them

But this time, the only mistake I made was not making a mistake

I didn't lose but i didn't win

And now you're someone I know I love

And I'm just a stranger to you, I'll forever be

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/C0Y8VY1Oi3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/71jvRN46sO

Movement catches my eye.
Shadows of you
invoke no surprise.
A ghost.

No longer here
yet your presence,
persistent.

I catch your smiles
from across the room.
Your laughter echoes
in silence.
I feel your hands entwined
with mine.

An obsessive
regressive
suffocating
pull towards you.

Your words haunt 
my memory
as you flaunt
your beauty
on my screen.

Keeping you stuck 
in this limbo 
of my making. 
I am the one forsaken,
dead

to you. 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1ydtv/comment/pf2if3j/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3ag68/comment/pfbgr3x/

Carry me through valleys afar,

Through roads of dirt and roads of tar

Let me gaze upon nature's sight

While the day drifts further into the night

Carry me through mountains of snow,

Through farmlands where the farmers mow

Let me rest beneath the skies

When my soul rises to my eyes

Carry me through memories built ages ago,

Through memories of love and memories of woe

Whisper our moments unto my ear

Let me know that you were here

Carry me to my awaiting ribbons and stars,

For which I have borne many scars

Let me be honored by my peers and my dears

As truth becomes the moment once most feared

Carry me through valleys afar

To my awaiting ribbons and stars Carry me through mountains of snow,

Through memories built ages ago

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vqmlPvqD9M

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/cC8sITQvEg

A gentle breeze blew today, carrying a quiet familiarity—
neither too cold nor too warm,
as if it gently swept me back into childhood.

That breeze even brought back the fragrance of those who are no longer here,
as though I am sitting once again on the rooftop,
as if my old companions are right there beside me,
lost in their games,
while I simply sit, smiling, playing with the wind.

That breeze blew once more—
where there was neither harsh sunlight nor deep darkness,
as if I were back at my Nani's house.

As if she weren't married yet,
and we were still speaking quietly with our eyes alone.

That breeze,
and the feeling it brought with it—
I cannot put it into words.
It felt as though every old memory came alive again,
bringing a deep, quiet peace to my heart.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/RbYcAC8ZKA)

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/7NnC9nD8mh)

When I look at these mountains, I understand why houses need not be grandiose here.

To compete with their majesty would be embarrassing

But just like that the spell is broken, by a dog that "doesn't bite" at the site of broken tribes

And why did I come back Or is the question why did they leave

am i a wounded animal, at once desperate for help but afraid of every outstretched hand

I made my happy father cry, I destroyed my mother's motherhood,

my passive brother got gruff with me, my sister turned me in, and my doctor sliced me open

I learned pain is worse when you resist, but I never learn it good enough

What happens if you walk on a broken foot or try to love with a broken heart for so many years and

One day too long?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/uw0mtZm1K7

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/wXqASqmeGy

For I can’t sleep now,
I feel love, not in love, though.
What am I to do?

She looks at me now.
Participating, sadly
I love her no more.

I say “I love you”
I lie with ev’ry goodbye
Please, please, forgive me

Numb for two years now
Thank you for all that you did
But it’s not the same

I can’t make her cry
I will suffer in silence
For I am a man.

Feedback:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/N6TfOyEVR3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DIKP6mvHWn

the mail-order ketamine
and the weed do the same
thing, really, but don’t take
it from me, you should try
lying on your back with the
windows cracked, soaking in
your own storied past as it
crests like cold water, a body
must adjust and time must
pass, pointing fingers, old
news, it’s easier to lie down,
as an animal on sedatives,
and just put the TV on

it’s better to get better in
slowmotion, shifting, slinking
a ring of fire slipping out of
the sea, and just as the light
comes in, your father turns,
to you and says “wow,
that’s the sun”

so you hear it again
for the very first time
like a child learning
about the world,
like a child with his
very first sunburn

it’s all the same, really,
the heat trapped in the sky,
the drugs coming out
the eye of the needle,
your father’s voice,
tears half-dry as a
friend knocks on
your door

yes, this is the water
yes, that is the sun,
and here is the decision
to stop drowning

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/H2Lir8H3NZ
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8yxKgCVrSt

Hug me while we still can

Before we go

Before we sleep

Before we start kissing

Before you leave

Hug me till I can't distinguish

The boundaries between your vessel and mine

Till you and I, till yours and mine are ours

Till the start of you and the end of me start to look like the birth of a star

Till I can see with your eyes

And hear from your ears

Till I can taste what you eat

And feel our heartbeats

For we were made in twos

Destined to become one

For we were made with hunger

That takes one to fill one

For I'll let you bite me

Piece by piece

Till I fall

Till I cry

Till I'm an inch away from dying

For hug me while you eat

Hug me while you get drunk on my blood

While I can hear my bones start crushing

Unable to know if it's your hug or your bite that did it

Hug me while I'm alive

And tighter when I die

Hug me while I'm dying

And tighter when maggots start finishing what you left of me

For even if you ate me whole

There will still be so much of my love

So much to feed them

And to feed their children

To feed their hunger till the last star goes dim

Till the rebirth of life in a new whim

Yet my love will carry on

Like it previously did

Looking for your arms

To fill my missing pieces

So hug me while I'm here, when I go, and when I'm back

Hug me like you always did

Hug me so I can stand.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/u5MCTXYn2K

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Swdl9uPn6Y

Watching the crimson wave turn midnight blue,
To wake to sleepy sunrise next to her.
Finding myself once more with birthday due,
What surprises lie in store, as it were?

The years have been plenty, all surprised out,
Time spent with my loved ones meets all my needs.
Write a silly sonnet? I will, no doubt!
Pick up my paintbrush, see where it leads.

Yes, I’ll savor this past year, all that has passed,
With family and friends, a time most grand.
Smell every rose, it all went so fast,
Stronger for it all, and yet, here we stand.

We gratefully endure blood, sweat, and tears,
And remember, it’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/0GnWBbsKu1

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/s42TtYHdpg

As I continue studying
my psychological archeology,
an evanescent consciousness
transcends its disconsolate captivity.

Lugubriously secluded in isolation,
partitions render futile conclusions.
Precluded from futures once treasured,
I acclimated to that apocalyptic nightscape.

But effervescent love undulates
with each carotid gurgle, my blood
and ancient esoteric sounds
resonate into a resplendent euphony.

Cut –
Exsanguinate –
Cold –
Expiration –

Quickly now!
While my blood still froths...
Take it in; take it all;
Revive that which was lost;
Assemble your missing parts;
Repair your broken heart.
Take my life,
and live gloriously!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3ly5g/comment/pfcq5dv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x3m6k4/comment/pfcplqs/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

A controlled stream:

How can one seek comfort in solitude when my cellmates are the reason for my belonging?

I am trapped in this observable state, I fear the over analyzing has finally got the best of me this time.

Oh to sit in this oblivious wallow with all my falsely praised temptations.
Yet the tales they tell, oh god the stories.

I sit in the solitude of a stereotypical 2010s styled dorm room, The colored LEDs set the mood without us realizing change, a cheap desk sitting in the corner reflecting the open notebook with only a few lines colored in, the carpet floor we sit on. The warmth from the floor below us.

In the shared shackles of another we have no choice but to create an exchange of hope;

“A new messiah is to rise in the presence of your thoughts, and all to be disowned by his own people. What does that make you?”

I’m not sure, naive perchance. why must it matter anyhow ?- a muttered reply spoken from my projection of self.

“The creature that holds this sort of thinking pattern above one’s head is to only know a fact of the truth; that staying disguised is the main factor keeping you and the others from true fulfillment.
Your fear of being Labeled a false prophet or what you claim is the thing ‘holding us back..’”

Yet the desire to die is what we all so desperately crave, no? It seems the comfort of our perception projecting a falsified world is holding us back. So As they continue to paint the passports brown, the lust of death will be sacred, for that’s when freedom will finally present itself in the rawest form.

*ellipsis*

Well Thank god the art is here to comfort me.
oh god is it so comforting. - I speak with my teeth clench.

*ellipsis*

As if it takes the allegory of A marked tree, only to show someone else with the same reckoning has walked this path first.

Oh god how I can just curl up in the comfort of that knowledge.- my jaw locked in a repeated stance.

All Bundled under the familiarity, the exposed breeze of awe making my feet a source of potential energy. I don’t know though, maybe you have some sighting.

*The lossless source starts to pound over our subtle track.
Something I’ve never heard via the mass media.

The wind begins to be ignored, masked once more by attachment as my feet go numb.

While Enchanted by the waves, I am deluded to speak more:*

If art is the tribute of continuance then maybe I’m okay with the enlightenment I possess with no chance of breaking free from my cycle of samsara.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jvpaq5EXXK

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NGpkdrQXcy

I’m in love with the girl from the coffee shop.

A till jockey barista, who just can’t stop,

Giving me flirty passing glances,

That make me think, “what are the chances,

You’d go for a regular just like me?”

Hell, I don’t even like the taste of coffee.

It’s you I keep coming back to the counter for.

More addictive than caffeine, it’s you I adore.

I guess what I love is the combination,

Of your icy stare and moody complexion.

Your hair is fine, but it doesn’t stop you,

From styling it into an iconic doo.

When you’re facing forward, I get lost in your eyes.

As you turn around, I’m drawn to your thighs.

You can’t blame me if my eyes get bigger,

When you're wearing trousers that show off your figure.

The problem is that you’re so hard to reach.

The coffee shop is no place for a speech,

About lovers intentions and things I can’t finance,

Most likely to be met with an awkward silence.

I don’t want to come across as nervous,

When asking you out during your barista service.

So how do I make a meaningful approach,

Without appearing like a human cockroach?

Luck would have it, I’d get my chance,

When I was out clubbing, having a dance.

Though it would come to me in a sudden flash,

I bumped into you when I was out on the lash.

The air was hot and the music was loud,

It was a bloody struggle getting through the crowd.

But as I clambered into your vicinity,

Your eyes lit up as you recognised me!

Out of the club we went-a-walking,

Over to a pub, where we got to talking.

You didn’t like my views on sausage dogs,

Crimes against nature owned by upper-class snobs.

Your dislike of the seaside gave me cold flushes.

How can you not like the two-penny pushes?

Somehow it felt like I’d bridged the distance,

By advertising myself as a man of substance.

We stayed and talked more about life,

Hopes and dreams and workplace strife.

I felt you were everything I dreamed you’d be,

I could feel you becoming my destiny.

Then as the bar began to quieten down,

I offered to walk you back home from town.

You shyly thanked me, and said it was alright,

You were getting picked up by a friend at midnight.

As I walked with you to the local bus station,

I could hardly contain my sense of elation.

If I wanted this to last, it was now or never,

I had to come up with a line that was really clever.

But I guess the nerves got the better of me,

In my tongue-tied state, I just asked simply:

“Tonight was real fun, I guess I’ll see you then,

If you like, would you fancy meeting up again?”

You gave me a smile and said you had fun too,

And that you’d love to have another rendezvous.

You’d actually said yes to this lovestruck goon!

I was on cloud nine, I was over the moon.

But then, out of nowhere, up rolled a really flash car,

With private plates and tires that glided across the tar.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, “here he is, it’s my ride!”.

The door popped open and you jumped inside.

As the window rolled down, I was a little sad,

When I found out your chauffeur wasn’t your Dad.

How could I tell? You ask this lovesick dog.

It was when she said, “hi babe!”, and gave him a snog.

Worse than finding out you were already taken,

Was the fact that you were, if I’m not mistaken,

Involved with a man who I can only assume,

Was twice your age and looked like a baboon.

Your wave goodbye was like a punch to the heart,

But I was left too shocked to just go and start,

Crying and lamenting over the fool I’d been.

I guess you weren’t the true love I’d hoped I’d seen.

This was a hard way for me to discover,

You should never judge a book by its cover.

Even if the contents seem inviting,

It’s what’s inside that’s really exciting.

I now realise that I have no place,

In a world where most of the human race,

Values fancy living and financial stability,

Over genuine feeling and romantic ability.

If all I can offer can’t compete with him.

What’s the point in love if it’s pay to win?

I don’t like dark thoughts, or feelings that are invasive.

But I realise now, money talks and it’s persuasive.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wipxqt/comment/pfca7ij/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

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Sweaters

The silence of yet to become is starting to be overbearing.
My brain doesn’t think in words or phrases.
Rather in paintings of concepts.
My mouth shoots out yarn.
My brain thinks in sweaters.
The screams of others mellow my own.
I wish not to hear my teeth clatter.
For when I do, I’m reminded of the strangulation by yarn.
I lock my jaw, I plug my nose, bullets flood my eardrums like tsunamis.
I’ve been released from my chains.
The thinker of sweaters is free to move, that is blood in veins.
To hair in the wind.

Links:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/HK0gMFAcJ8

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/2ecPIJiBPK

In another life

my mother and I

pace amusement parks,

and take strides in the rain

she calls out my name

from rollercoaster rides

in her sweet nonsense voice,

so are her eyes

cuffed to no burdens

relentless and brown

are dark winter lanterns

gleaming with joy

.

And my father fumbles

when she blues away,

he brings home pie

sets the table, again

as a glass stumbles upon

and fractures itself

to form a mosaic of pain

and suffering and sin

yet noone percieves

the tigers discrete eyes

they lock themselves in

from the hoard of sins,

collected in the day

to cease our rotten fingers

infecting our treasures

our gold and our silver

live happy lives

.

Yet i lie in the quantum

of my mother's dull immortal sight

pained with disease

drained out of all life,

with her soldier at the table

waiting for war

shooting his rifle

at every tiny bead,

and every chain

that crude itself

in an unpleasant shape

while a melted cloud

turns to enormous rain

the victory of the tiger

the schrodinger fail

..

hey yall im new to poetry, the last line is a reference to the schrodingers cat experiment where we learn that all possibilities are expected to occur at the same time yet the observer ( sometimes interpreted as of one dimension) will percieve only one possibility whereas the same observer in another dimension uncovers a different outcome.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1u5bm/comment/pexq3p3/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1x1wv6r/comment/peyihtr/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button This poem talks about the possibility of a me that is experiencing a happy family right now :) and im stuck here

12 AM upon the chapel clock
Cast a moonlit shadow upon the floor
Shown a babe, and a mother to rock
Though a smile I saw, can I be sure?

I say - “Who are you, and why are you here?”
She stay silent - like a lonesome widow
Then a rush of air, like an instrument to my ears
Whispered Shattered A mighty blow

The smile, no longer I see
No mouth - No eyes - no child
For the passing of the moon has forsaken me
And the mother whom no longer smiles

In a moment, my face became cold
For the shadow had vanished in totality
The smell of loam - through my nostrils strolled
The chapel floor only now debris

12:01 - I know not of who I am
As the woman and her babe abandon me
My brain withholding thoughts - as such a dam
The only flow - the woman - a memory

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kxs8lxcf6p

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/rTTp8ddXTc

I’d be lying if I said that this was right

I’d be lying if I said that I feel fine

I’d be lying if I said that it’s alright

That it’s alright

That it’s alright 

-

I’d be lying if I said that I feel fine

I’d be lying if I said I’ve still got time

I’d be lying if I said this body’s mine

This body’s mine 

This body’s mine

-

I’d be lying if I said I will in time

I’d be lying if I said it’ll go away if I try

I’d be lying if I said it’d be a crime

It’d be a crime

It’d be a crime

-

I’d be lying if I said I’ll go away if I try

I’d be lying if I said that I’m not a guy

I’d be lying if I said I’d rather die

I’d rather die

I’d rather die

-

I’d be lying if I said I’m not a guy

I’d be lying if I said that I feel fine

I’d be lying if I said its all a lie

It’s all a lie

It’s all a lie

-

…It’s not a lie.

I’m sorry.

-

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wzkq2w/comment/pf8h54m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1wz4qfd/comment/pf8hh3t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

​

​He walked out into the scorched noon of late summer. Overhead, someone struck flint and torched the sky. Sunlight floods across every leaf. From a widowed aunt's rosary, out grazing goats, the infant Jesus stepped down into an abandoned suburban church, smearing his skin with noon dust.

​He is spent. Not hunting for Cain. Just someone like clay, fresh off the potter’s wheel. Mute, cool, detached—a mother’s breast to an infant. That is all he seeks. Midday glare, stupor in the air. A slow gravity dragging him under. This hour is red, blood-thick. A killer. Just done killing. Patricide humming in the nerves.

​Ahead, an ancient wild fig. Roots hanging like the fringe of a shawl. Children hanging from them, swinging. The sun leans west, striking their faces into verses of Scripture. Reaching to choke a child, he freezes. Numbness locks his fingers.

Into the river the sun drowns, scattering scripture across the current. He wants to go under, die with it. He cannot. By nightfall he surfaces in some drunkard’s eyes, descending as rage.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vcJ6bqnTzf

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/lti2mB6Luk