r/ExistentialOCD

Hi! I’m 20 years old and in my junior year of college. I don’t know what it’s wrong with me, but I am constantly having panic attacks over the fact that I am going to die one day and just cease to exist.
Especially now that I have a boyfriend that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I literally can’t imagine life without him and a lot of the time that I’m hanging out with him is ruined because I’m sitting there thinking about ways that he could potentially die and I’d literally never see him again.
It may be connected to me losing my grandparents in my freshman year of high school.

I am also really scared of losing my parents. Death it’s just such a weird concept to me. The fact that we just cease to exist. Like I literally don’t know how I would live my life without my family and my boyfriend in it.

But I am so scared of just ceasing to exist.

I am also not religious. So I don’t believe in they’re being a heaven. But that scares me even more to think that I just literally will not have a conscious anymore and that I just literally will not exist and that it could literally happen anytime and I could just die and have wasted my life.
I just start spiraling all the time and it’s really upsetting me because I just wanna be normal and not be thinking about dying every two minutes. Hey seriously do not know what to do anymore.

I don’t know if anybody has any advice or anything comforting to say, but I’m just laying in bed right now thinking about it.

Hi, first of all thank you for reading. I have been having a hard time with a lot of things.
First, even though my relationship is fine, I love my partner and we havent had any issues, I am constantly uneasy, thinking about if anything they do means something bad about how they feel, and even if I feel a certain way.
I feel very anxious about it, and cant seem to do anything to solve it (I think it may be OCD, I’m talking with my therapist about it this week)
Then, I’m very tired even if I’m living everything i ever wanted professionally, and doubt is eating me away.
I just doubt everything a lot, it is exhausting.
I used to be happy, fun, and didnt overthink.
I don’t know how to come Back to that.
Any advice?