u/Beginning_You7787

Hi everyone, I really need a safe space to vent about a big shift in my longterm relationship.

I am a bisexual guy, and I've been with my girlfriend for about ten years. She has always known about my bisexuality and has always been completely supportive.

Over the last year or so, I've lost a significant amount of weight and got into much better shape.

For this reason (at least i think, but I'm not sure about that) my girlfriend’s attitude towards this side of me has shifted from acceptance to something more "intense".

She has started expressing a strong desire to see me explore my attraction to other men. It went from playful banter to her actively encouraging me.

She made it clear that she just wants to "watch" without actually "share".

She also recently suggested visiting a nude beach together, thinking it could be a low pressure way for me to take my first steps and feel comfortable expressing this part of myself.

Honestly, a part of me is very curious and excited by the idea, especially since I do miss that part of my life.

However, another part of me is just scared.

We’ve built a wonderful ten year relationship, and I'm terrified of doing something that might complicate or jeopardize what we have.

How do you balance an exciting new desire with the fear of changing a great relationship? Has anyone here had a similar shift with a longterm partner?

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’ve read the subreddit rules, and I hope this post is okay. I’ve looked around online trying to find the right place to ask about this, and this seemed like the most appropriate community I could find. I honestly don’t know where else I could get a genuinely honest perspective on this, so I decided to ask here. Everything I’ve written is true, and I’m genuinely looking for advice and perspectives from people who may have experienced something similar.

English isn’t my first language, so I used AI to help translate this post. I hope that’s okay!

Hi everyone, I wanted to get some perspective from people who may have gone through something similar. I hope this is the right place to post this. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit long, but I could really use some outside perspectives.

First of all, I’m a bisexual guy. When I got together with my current girlfriend, she knew about my bisexuality from the very beginning. We’ve been together for around ten years.

She has always been very LGBT-friendly and open-minded. She’s basically the classic girl who’s really into BL and yaoi.

At the beginning of our relationship, we didn’t really talk much about this side of me, although she always said she was happy to have a bisexual boyfriend.

Over the years, though, she gradually started teasing me and playing around with that part of my sexuality more and more. I want to make it clear that this was a very gradual process that happened over several years, not some sudden escalation. It started with the occasional Instagram reel, and only much later progressed to MMF bi porn and increasingly explicit fantasies.

I always assumed this was pretty normal considering how much she likes BL and yaoi. I mean, it made sense that she might be curious about or turned on by the idea of a threesome.

Over the past few months, though, things have… intensified.

She started talking to me privately, and quite insistently, about other guys, having sex with them, and some pretty intense fantasies involving me and other men.

I always saw all of this as just fantasy, which was completely fine with me. Honestly, I even enjoyed it.

Then something happened a few weeks ago.

For some context, I’ve lost 70 pounds and started going to the gym. My body has changed quite a lot and I’ve gotten pretty muscular/defined.

We often go to LGBT parties and events around our area, where some of our friends also go. Nothing sexual at all, we usually just eat, hang out and talk.

The thing is… quite a few guys have started hitting on me. Nothing super obvious, to be clear, but still noticeable.

I’ve always turned them down, obviously.

But a few weeks ago, just for fun, I played along. I flirted back with one of my gay friends, completely as a joke.

My girlfriend witnessed the whole thing, walked over to us, and with what I can only describe as yandere eyes (I genuinely don’t know how else to describe it, sorry) said:

“Keep going, don’t worry. I won’t join in. I can just watch if you want.”

Then she laughed it off.

I was a little surprised. Usually, we’ve always kept these fantasies between the two of us. But since it was one of our friends, I didn’t think much of it, and she also confirmed that she was just joking.

Then literally yesterday, I told her about an erotic dream I’d had about a guy.

She gave me those same yandere eyes and basically started begging me to have sex with other guys.

She told me that if I didn’t feel like talking to guys myself, she could even set up a dating app profile for me, help me find guys, bring them to me, and watch everything without participating herself.

She was incredibly proactive about it, almost as if her life depended on it.

What surprised me even more was what happened when I hesitated.

Instead of suggesting that we jump straight into anything sexual, she proposed that we start with something much more low-key like going together to a gay nude beach.

Apparently, what excites her about that idea is the possibility of me flirting with other guys while we’re both naked. She seems particularly fascinated by the idea of being there with me, watching me interact with and attract other men, while sharing that experience together.

Now, I have no idea how long this has been building up inside her.

She talked to me like someone who had been walking through the desert for two months without a single drop of water, only to completely lose it the moment I finally opened up a little.

She says I should show off my new body and wants to let other guys enjoy it while she watches.

And honestly, this is where I'm starting to realize that her fantasy might be less about simply “letting me have sex with other guys” and more about watching me express that side of my sexuality in front of her.

I felt a little objectified, but honestly, I was also turned on by it.

I mean, I do miss having sex with guys. I’m not going to lie about that. But my girlfriend is incredibly important to me, and I absolutely don’t want to jeopardize our relationship.

So now I’m a little torn.

Part of me is genuinely curious and excited by the idea. Another part of me is scared of what actually acting on it could do to our relationship.

How would you handle something like this? How do you balance the desire with the fear?

And are there any women here who have experienced something similar with their bisexual boyfriend?

​

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’ve read the subreddit rules, and I hope this post is okay. I’ve looked around online trying to find the right place to ask about this, and this seemed like the most appropriate community I could find. I honestly don’t know where else I could get a genuinely honest perspective on this, so I decided to ask here. Everything I’ve written is true, and I’m genuinely looking for advice and perspectives from people who may have experienced something similar.

English isn’t my first language, so I used AI to help translate this post. I hope that’s okay!

Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit long, but I could really use some outside perspectives.

First of all, I’m a bisexual guy. When I got together with my current girlfriend, she knew about my bisexuality from the very beginning. We’ve been together for around ten years.

She has always been very LGBT friendly and open minded. She’s basically the classic girl who’s really into BL and yaoi.

At the beginning of our relationship, we didn’t really talk much about this side of me, although she always said she was happy to have a bisexual boyfriend.

Over the years, though, she gradually started teasing me and playing around with that part of my sexuality more and more. I want to make it clear that this was a very gradual process that happened over several years, not some sudden escalation. It started with the occasional Instagram reel, and only much later progressed to MMF porn and increasingly explicit fantasies.

I always assumed this was pretty normal considering how much she likes BL and yaoi. I mean, it made sense that she might be curious about or turned on by the idea of a threesome.

Over the past few months, though, things have… intensified.

She started talking to me privately, and quite insistently, about other guys, having sex with them, and some pretty intense fantasies involving me and other men.

I always saw all of this as just fantasy, which was completely fine with me. Honestly, I even enjoyed it.

Then something happened a few weeks ago.

For some context, I’ve lost 70 pounds and started going to the gym. My body has changed quite a lot and I’ve gotten pretty muscular/defined.

We often go to LGBT parties and events around our area, where some of our friends also go. Nothing sexual at all , we usually just eat, hang out and talk.

The thing is… quite a few guys have started hitting on me. Nothing super obvious, to be clear, but still noticeable.

I’ve always turned them down, obviously.

But a few weeks ago, just for fun, I played along. I flirted back with one of my gay friends, completely as a joke.

My girlfriend witnessed the whole thing, walked over to us, and with what I can only describe as yandere eyes (I genuinely don’t know how else to describe it, sorry) said:

“Keep going, don’t worry. I won’t join in. I can just watch here if you want.”

Then she laughed it off.

I was a little surprised. Usually, we’ve always kept these fantasies between the two of us. But since it was one of our friends, I didn’t think much of it, and she also confirmed that she was just joking.

Then literally yesterday, I told her about an erotic dream I’d had about a guy.

She gave me those same yandere eyes and basically started begging me to have sex with other guys.

She told me that if I didn’t feel like talking to guys myself, she could even make a Grindr profile for me, help me find guys, bring them to me, and watch everything without participating herself.

She was incredibly proactive about it, almost as if her life depended on it.

What surprised me even more was what happened when I hesitated.

Instead of suggesting that we jump straight into anything sexual, she proposed that we start with something much more lowkey like going together to a gay nude beach.

Apparently, what excites her about that idea is the possibility of me flirting with other guys while we’re both naked. She seems particularly fascinated by the idea of being there with me, watching me interact with and attract other men, while sharing that experience together.

Now, I have no idea how long this has been building up inside her.

She talked to me like someone who had been walking through the desert for two months without a single drop of water, only to completely lose it the moment I finally opened up a little.

She says I should show off my new body and wants to let other guys enjoy it while she watches.

And honestly, this is where I'm starting to realize that her fantasy might be less about simply “letting me have sex with other guys” and more about watching me express that side of my sexuality in front of her.

I felt a little objectified, but honestly, I was also turned on by it.

I mean, I do miss having sex with guys. I’m not going to lie about that. But my girlfriend is incredibly important to me, and I absolutely don’t want to jeopardize our relationship.

So now I’m a little torn.

Part of me is genuinely curious and excited by the idea. Another part of me is scared of what actually acting on it could do to our relationship.

How would you handle something like this? How do you balance the desire with the fear?

And are there any women here who have experienced something similar with their bisexual boyfriend?