r/lesbian

Is it okay to have your first time with a casual fling? So, I’m 20, I’ve never been in a relationship and I don’t think I want a serious one. I’ve never really fantasised about relationships, and when I think about having to let someone into my personal space, it feels like a huge burden.

When I was 14, I started to take an interest in sex, and the label ‘first time’ seemed so annoying to me. Some people said it hurt, others said it was special, but all I could see was the word ‘burden’. As a result, as a child, I came to a dangerous and wrong decision: ‘When I turn 18, I’ll get drunk, pass out, and let some lad do whatever he wants to me on my first time’ (thankfully, I realised that was wrong). However, my attitude towards the first time has largely remained the same.

I recently found out that there’s even a separate app for casual encounters aimed at LGBT+ people, and I thought: ‘Yes, maybe that’s an option.’

However, no matter how much I want this and no matter how much I think it’s the right decision, I’m still an inexperienced virgin and would like to hear the views of people with more experience. There’s no one in my circle who could give me any advice. To make matters worse, I suspect I’m probably a ‘top’ or a ‘versatile who tends to be a top’.

I spoke to a friend about my situation (without mentioning that I’m LGBT) and she told me to imagine going on dates, and that I’d then want a relationship; however, the only thing that makes me feel happy and excited is the idea of going on a trip with a girlfriend, staying in a hotel and having sex there. I realise that probably the only thing I want is, at most, a friend to have sex with. I’d be happy to give presents, go out for dinner, and give flowers, but I don’t want a relationship.

Of course, I admit that I could be very much mistaken. I’m young, inexperienced and, apparently, my blood’s boiling right now. I tried to start a relationship with a nice girl when I was 18, but then I realised I just wanted to take advantage of her and stopped myself. What advice can you give me? Is it worth getting into a relationship? Is it worth waiting?

Flair - not quite, but non else fit. Also, why didn't I find this sub sooner?

Where are all the lesbians who actually want a long-term relationship?

I feel like every time I look at the dating scene, it’s either people who aren’t emotionally available, people who only want something casual, or people who say they’re “seeing where things go” without actually seeming interested in building anything.

And honestly, I find it even harder as a butch. I love being butch, but apparently, some people see “butch” and immediately assign me the role of man in the relationship. No, babe. I am also a woman. I would quite like to be treated like one.

Because at this point I'm starting to think the lesbian dating scene is just 90% “I'm emotionally unavailable” and 10% people who have somehow already found their wife.

I Am 23 year old femme and objectively good looking but none of the mascs in my area (Boston) want me. I be liking first on hinge and they don’t like me back, I go to the gay clubs and bars no motion, and I be initiating sometimes and still nothing. What do I do? Don’t know if it’s my area or if I’m just not typically the type of people in my area (I’m black) but am feeling very sad and discouraged that I’ll ever find my person. Also makes me wonder if I’m actually ugly but get told constantly how beautiful I am by friends and strangers. Any advice or words of encouragement would be awesome during this time 😔

I’ve just finished watching RWBY, and I really loved having the whole fantasy/action storyline while also having Blake and Yang’s relationship developing alongside it.

I’m looking for more shows like that where there’s an actual plot outside of the romance (fantasy, sci-fi, action, adventure, etc.), but there’s also a WLW couple I can get invested in. Any recommendations?

So, I'm 28 years old and I don't have many lesbian friends (to be honest, 99% of my circle of friends is made up of heterosexual people) and I've been feeling this lack of being able to share things and talk to someone who has a reality closer to mine and can connect more easily.

I'm a biologist and I work with wildlife management and falconry (long story, but I can explain if you want, haha). My other interests include reading, online gaming, solving puzzles like crosswords and Sudoku, lots of music, TV series, and movies. If you think we could get along, I'd love to meet you :)

:) I also have two cats and they are everything to me, and if you have cats, please show me a picture of them, hahaha!

PS: I have a girlfriend, so I'm here just for friendships.

PS 2: I'm Brazilian, haha! Besides English, I also speak French, so this is a great opportunity for me to practice other languages and show you a little bit of my country :)

Heyy so I’m 24F, pretty femme and it’s been so hard to find friends. To be fair, I am pretty shy so that doesn’t help much lol. No one really knows about my orientation so that’s also pretty lonely in a way. I wish I knew more people so we could just like share experiences and just build a nice friendship.

A little about me, I have a bachelors in biology but now work in something fairly different, I’m pretty chill, usually listening to music, cooking, watching shows (usually the wlw ones lmao), going out for drinks and doing nails. If anyone is down to chat hit me up, maybe we hit it off :)

We've had issues in the past with unaffiliated discords for various reasons.

We have a pinned post and people still post them here anyway.

Please don't. We don't have time to verify that you're not a scam. Many ask for id that could potentially be a breach of data protection and we've had people DM us to tell us they've been scammed in the past.

I've been removing the posts recently but I'm just going to ban people in the future because it's clearly in the rules

I'm a recently out trans woman looking for WLW events and places! I went to FLINTABar and Flippy's last night, the place was nice but it was super hard to talk to anyone because everyone goes in groups or are just there on a date with someone else, I'm looking for new friends and romance!

Not the biggest fan of clubs, tried yahyah's, sircuit (thought it was spelled circuit and it makes sense why there was so, so many men in there) and molly's but really just not my vibe

I'm 24 years old so slightly out of age for crush club which was introduced to me by a very lovely bartender at FLINTABar last night, any other recommendations? Would love to find places for nerds/other autistic people as well with a primarily lesbian demographic as, again, I would really love to meet someone out there because dating apps are miserable, thanks!

It is both me and my girlfriends first time being with woman. We have been dating for 7 months now. Our relationship started off really weird, with me moving in with her as roommates and then going on to date her. When we lived together, we were inseparable, we did everything together. I ended up moving because I wasn’t able to stay there about 5 months in our relationship (it had nothing to do with our relationship at all). When I moved, we still saw eachother everyday for the most part, whenever we could. She went in a lot of trips this summer, giving us a lot of space from eachother recently. I saw her today, and she basicly told me that she feels like she wants more time apart to be alone and with friends and family, and that she is fine not seeing eachother for 2-3 days at a time. She reassured me by telling me that she loves to hang out with me, and that she just felt bad that she hasn’t been around her friends and family as much as she would like (which I don’t know if it’s true because she also said that she just wants space). She mentioned that she notices that other streight people that date don’t see eachother everyday. It probably should be said that this is both of ours first real relationship, so we are just figuring out what is health along the way. I think that I have an anxious attachment and so change from my regular routine of seeing her everyday is really hard for me. I feel like the way that I’m taking has more to do with me. I think I’ve been way too attached and dependent on her within this relationship. It’s just really hard now to take a step back and learn how to be my own self right now. I also have obstacles in my way which limit my ability to really learn how to be alone (no car, bus is an hour walk, super anxious being alone just because I’m really afraid of something bad happening to me, we share friends, etc) the only thing I have to myself that’s apart from her is work ( which she wants to get employed there now aswell). She has an avoidant attachment so ig this isn’t too crazy for her to ask, she asked in the beginning of our relationship but then just didn’t try to be alone or communicate with me about it at all. Since then nothing. I literally started sobbing (partly because I just started my period and I was in a sad mood) and I couldn’t stop crying for like 2 hours, it was so embarrassing. Is this crazy? I know that we need space to be ourselves, but is she doing it to do the right thing, or because that’s what everyone around her does??

This guy told me I have gay face and look like I play volley ball. I'm a female and straight btw.

(First of all I dont want to post a picture of my face on reddit and it’s against the rules here anyway so I’m sorry about that)

So for context I’m 20 years old and I have always dressed masc. I have a short curly mullet that I like slightly grown out, I have a baby face, no piercings/tattoos or anything, I’m a little above average height, and I’m average weight for a person my height and age. I try my best to dress my age, I put effort into my outfits to make them seem more grown up ish when it’s appropriate. I drink a little bit, I used to smoke weed but I don’t anymore.

People always ask me what grade I’m in because they think I’m in highschool and it’s frustrating because I’ve been out of school and working blue collar fulltime for 2 years now and I know that isnt a ton of time but I don’t want to be seen as this little teenager when I’m an adult.

I’ve also been infantilized for it by older male coworkers and I don’t like that at all for obvious reasons.

So basically I’m asking yall what things about a person’s appearance say that they are in fact no longer a teenager? And please don’t just tell me that looking young is a gift and I should just appreciate it because I’ve heard that a million times and I just want to look my age.