u/ReactionOk7449

WRNING: Gaslighting

TL;DR--> MY ACTUAL PLANS: I should of just spent my money and eat italian ice to drown out my sorrows. ( was stripped naked, locked up for 7 hours behind a glass wall, among other degrading things I don't even want to mention)

Therapist: "OK, I want you to be honest with me."

If I can't even be honest with my therapist, then who in the world should I convey my distress to?

I told her the severity of my mental state and the everyday challenges which it brings..and how I "might" one day in the future commit suicide and I cannot refuse that possibility because I can't predict my future self. However, I am doing great academically despite the horrific living environment,etc, and that has contributed to helping me acquire a small joy.

She "nearly" took that all away, all my hours of hard work..She tried make it so I would leave my grades as an incomplete and withdraw and hospitalize myself in an environment with nothing that brings me comfort. She wasn't the one that worked 16hrs+ everyday, I did. She had no right.

Her supervisor stated, "If you try to run, I will call the cops and they will handcuff you.". I truly hate them, what I did wrong was being honest to the people that should have helped me, rather than destroy me further.

At the hospital, they forcifully stripped me naked and to show them my self injuries because I refused to change into patient clothes and show them on my own.

Then, they left me waiting inside a dark room for SEVEN HOURS with nothing, but to stare at an empty room with a large glass wall towards the hospital staffs. I felt like a caged zoo animal for display. Eventually, due to the amount of stress and being left alone with my own thoughts for so long and having nothing to comfort/relief that stress, I started slamming my head against the wall and scratching, biting myself. So, they forcifully drugged me with a sleep medication due to that disruption.

After another few hours, a social worker finally came in and tried to tell me some of the following, "you need to talk about your trauma to get better" "we just want to make sure your not dead and you have a 'safety plan'". "We are doing this to help you, you have to be honest, but if you say you feel like dying everyday, then we cannot ensure you can keep yourself safe, therefore we will have to keep you here for your own safety so that you can feel good again, then we will discharge you once you say you don't have suicidal intent."

According to their logic, their inhumane treatment, and having me locked up with my music(phone) coping device taken away while listening their pretentious bullshit is supposed to make me feel better. Having my human rights taken away, my concerns and what is "causing" the distress doesnt matter, they only care that I am not physically dead because they are so self-righteous.

​What this experience has taught me: Never be honest/open up with my therapist about my true feelings ever again, in fact, I will never seek one out again. This is my third therapist that I trusted after my second(trauma therapist) cried and dropped me.

TL;DR--> MY ACTUAL PLANS: I should of just spent my money and eat italian ice to drown out my sorrows. ( was stripped naked, locked up for 7 hours behind a glass wall, among other degrading things I don't even want to mention.)

Share your favorite healthy snacks in the comment section (I think the only thing I wouldn't like is raisin or nuts, but anything else could be fine)

I (18f) am actively seeking help, but I am not getting it. My trauma therapist dumped me because I explained to her that her advice isn't helpful and it is actually making me upset after every session (that she ends 20 minutes early). I have been cutting myself everyday because it is too hard to tolerate everything in my life which has been very traumatic, sometimes to an extreme level. I am in a horrible living situation with psychopathic roomates and currently cannot switch dormitories. Additionally, I am severely sleep deprived because of them while taking 17 units of stem classes as I transition into engineering and including a Russian minor. My peers, especially in group work and lab are very visibly frustrated with me due to the symptoms of my severe auditory adhd and masking high functioning autism​. I record my lectures to better absorb info and study/work from 7am to midnight while feeling like dying inside and having brain damage to my learning regions from an accident. (I need to wait 6 months for treatment because if I withdraw now, I won't be able to take the same course until a certain quarter..and my medical team haven't been happy with me due to this ) and so I am going to keep hurting myself because that is the only thing that makes me feel better or consoled, I am in too much pain. People have not been as understanding as I thought. I guess no one in this world actually loved me. I will probably work myself to death.