r/pansexual

Pride in Fort Wayne is in July and it happens to fall on my birthday, I was thinking of doing like a silly slogan or pun for a birthday/pride sash because dang how often does this happen

Info: she/her, turning 35

Thanks in advance :)

For the longest time, I identified as bi. Recently I started questioning whether another label might fit me better, so I started reading about pansexuality. Then I found out omnisexuality exists... and now I'm more confused than when I started. 😭

I think I'm somewhere between pan and omni, but I genuinely can't tell the difference.

I understand that both can be attracted to all genders. The part I don't understand is what people mean when they say pan people "don't see gender" or that omni people "do."

Could someone explain it with examples or your own experiences? What does it actually feel like to be pan vs. omni?

I've always been fascinated by how attraction works, and I honestly wonder if there's some psychology behind mine.

For context: I'm a big guy. Always have been. I'm completely comfortable with it (I'd definitely be considered a "bear" in the gay community).

Here's where my brain gets confusing.

I'm very attracted to bigger, curvier cis women. I love softness, curves, and all the things that make a bigger woman's body look and feel feminine to me. But when it comes to men, it's almost the complete opposite. I'm not attracted to bigger men at all. I overwhelmingly prefer slim or skinny guys—not muscular, just lean.

It gets even stranger. I also find myself attracted to slim transgender men and slim transgender women, but not slim cis women. For whatever reason, when it comes to cis women, I strongly prefer plus-size bodies.

So my attraction pattern ends up looking something like this:

- Big/curvy cis women? Absolutely.

- Slim guys? Yep.

- Slim trans men and trans women? Also yes.

- Bigger men? Not really.

- Slim cis women? Usually not my thing.

To make my own brain even more confusing, I also notice this preference carries over into adult content. I don't really find it exciting to watch a bigger guy with a bigger woman. Instead, I'm much more drawn to seeing a slim guy with a BBW. My brain apparently has very specific casting requirements.

Has anyone else experienced attraction that's this oddly specific? Is there any psychological explanation or theory behind why someone could be attracted to completely different body types depending on gender, while having such a strong preference for one particular pairing?

I'm genuinely curious whether this is something psychology has looked at, or if attraction is just wonderfully weird and this is simply how my brain is wired.

Okay guys, I know the title is kinda misleading but it is also kind of my question.

I am demiromantic/demisexual. And I have known and experienced that for a very long time.

And lately, I have been talking to a lot if queer folks and they've been asking what label I use.

Some context, I chose the label pansexual because I don't have a preference at all. I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to anyone unless I am emotionally attached to them.

So when I tell them, that this is the reason I have chosen it, they tell me I am wrong and that being pansexual is being attracted to everyone regardless of gender.

And when I try to explain to them that I don't have a preference for a specific sex or gender they won't listen to it.

So I am confused, am I Pansexual or not.

I know this question has probably been asked a lot before on this sub, and I also know that my sexuality and and labels are the ones I feel fit me best and all that etc, but I also just wanted some outside opinions to help me best understand myself. For context i'm an aromantic, cisgender, teen guy.

I used to think that I was completely straight, but then discovered the concept of being aromantic later on amd so figured out that part of myself, then a bit after that figuring out I was also not only attracted to women. I've considered myself bi for the past few years, mostly due to having heard before that pansexuality was about not seeing gender at all in people you're attracted too, and just being attracted to everyone of any presentation, when I do see and acknowledge gender, and I have a preference for feminine and androgynous traits, because I don't usually find masculine traits attractive.

However recently I've also realized that when it comes to people I'm attracted to, I don't care at all about gender or genitalia. I'm attracted to people regardless of any of that, and I've also seen people describing pansexuality similarly.

So I'm here to ask: what in your opinions is really the difference between being bisexual and being pansexual? Is there any? And which one do I lean more towards based on what I've described about myself? Sorry if the post is long or rambling, I'm just curious to see what pan people have to say about my thoughts and questions.

Hi everyone.

I don't know who to talk to about this. I don't have an HR department, and I've called them out numerous times on their shit. I also don't have confidence that my manager would handle this appropriately as LGBTQIA+ concerns seem to make him squeamish. So...now I turn to you all for...advice? An ear? I don't know. I just have to get it out.

So I have this coworker. (Shocking, I know.)

So this particular coworker and I used to be best friends. Long story short, we have a long history tied to our jobs, and I know she's a bad person, but she has this way of dragging you into her bullshit.

Anyway.

The last time we worked together, show left a nasty text about me, my character, and my sexuality. She was hurt and thought I was the reason she got fired (I was very much not the reason) so she took it out on me the only way she knows how.

The current place I work at, she's here too (not by coincidence, but that's not my biggest issue here). She's made a transphobic comment in recent history that I called her out on, spoke to her at length about, but she chose to double-down on the matter before eventually backing off and apologizing once I called her ignorant.

This past week, she had an interaction with a homeless individual who jusf so happens to be gay and in both a work email and in person has used the "f" slur. The first time, I told her to never say that again as it was offensive, which resulted in her calling this individual a "little gay boy". Mind you, this is completely irrelevant to anything she needs to say, and my manager even said that was inappropriate (with no real consequences, unfortunately.)

The second time they used it was today. I said again not to say it and it was really offensive, and they just...ignored it and changed the subject.

I'm disappointed, but not surprised. I just really don't know what to do. I've even addressed the fact that she is also a part of a marginalized community and should know how damaging words can be, and it just doesn't get through to her. Not sure what I can even do at this point. Leaving this job isn't an option either, so...what do I do? I'd love to hear how similar experiences have been handled, too. It might just give me some insight I've missed.

I have a panoramic view of relationships (badum tshh)

Hey everyone. Forgive me for the pun, I couldn't help myself. 😸

I just figured out like 13 hours ago that I'm pansexual and although I know a bisexual person and a pan person irl I'm not quite ready to be out yet so I decided I'd join this group and find community with people like me. Anyway, just wanted to share my story.

I used to identify as bi when I was like 13-15 but I had a sort of identify crisis and went back to identifying as straight after my bi friend asked me how I knew that I liked girls if I'd never been attracted to one before/crushed on one. Suddenly, "I'm just open to the idea of dating anyone" didn't seem sufficient. I felt like I needed demonstrated evidence of my attraction to non-male people before I could claim any label saying so. Even when there was a girl that I displayed potential romantic attraction to, I told myself it was just platonic and that I was forcing what should be an immediate spark.

I have this bad habit of trying to logic my way through emotions before I can feel valid in feeling them. I over-analyse, interrogate and pick apart my own psyche, come up with hypotheses to test so I can prove myself...to myself.

I was okay with identifying as straight for the past 3 years but those feelings of frustration and discontent with my sexual orientation arose again. This time I was feeling like I may be on the ace spectrum, but I once again felt like I didn't feel strongly enough to justify labelling myself that way. I don't dislike the idea of sex so it must not count

After reading some articles and websites, and watching some yt videos, it was Google AI of all things that finally gave me the clarity I needed. I needed to see my thoughts and experiences picked apart by something unbiased and be validated in bullet point form.

I struggled relating to typical descriptions of sexual/romantic attraction because I was demisexual and demiromantic (demi², if you will). I didn't feel like I could trust my own internal feelings because the social script for relationships with men felt more natural and familiar, despite knowing innately that I have the potential to love anyone.

I feel so relieved to finally understand my sexual and romantic orientation and to finally have some confidence in my understanding of how I'm wired. I feel like I can truly love more freely and explore paths I previously closed off for myself.

TLDR; I struggled to see myself as being justified in using the pansexual label cus I didn't fit perfectly into the definition, turns out it's cus I needed Google AI to spell it out in bullet point form that I'm DemiRoSe and pan and that I don't need to act on it, I can just be and that's valid ♡♡

I'm Demi pansexual and I'm proud (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠✧⁠*

🩷💛💙

what’s the actual difference between pansexual and panromantic?

In middle school, ~7th grade, I started to realize that I thought boys were cute. I was always really shy and never looked or payed attention to other people. I thought maybe it was just a mutual appreciation thing. Like, I can agree that, that person of same gender was attractive. I did tend to look kinda longer at person boys, similarly to how I did with the girls I liked. But I just ignored it and pushed it off, paying really no mind to it. Slowly I learned more and more about lgbtq+ over time. I was luckly enough to actually have a friend in 6th grade that I got witness and support them through coming out as trans. I didn't really understand too much, but that didn't matter to me, I just wanted my friend to be themselves and be happy.

Fast forward a little, I'm in high school, 9th grade. Still repressing how I found people of the same gender attractive, but slightly less. Ofc multiple times I had questioning thoughts of "Am I gay? Im I bi" but as before, it was a passing thought that I shrugged off. At this point I was more knowledgeable about lgbtq+. I knew asexual, bi, gay, trans, lesbian, some other stuff, but not too much about pan or nonbinary stuff. What I did discover was androgyny, and the view on what gender is within these spaces. It was pretty easy to understand actually, idk why so many people are confused or struggle to understand. Anyywayyy, I'm in a more rural area so there isn't too much lgbtq+ around me. Butt, there were people who were either intentionally or not intentionally androgynous. No matter the gender I knew I was attracted to them, I thought they were so pretty, handsome, cute, all of the other words and so on.

Every year I learned more and more, I learned about pansexuality fully, and I started to almost subconsciously consider myself bi (10th grade). I wouldn't really stop myself from admiring people of the same gender or ever people I didnt know the gender of. 11-12th I basically accepted that I was at least bi, but I told no one. And I still havent to this day. As I said before I knew about pansexuality but I never really thought about if it fit to me. Until in the 1 year gap after graduating in 2024. I developed this huge crush on someone who worked at this sheetz I went to regularly. I couldn't tell what gender they were, and frankly I just didnt care. I thought they were handsome, beautiful, and whatever word is used for inbetween. I've had micro crushes on masc, fem, gender fluid guys and girls before this point. This crush had me realize that gender is a deciding factor for me at all. It had been apparently I just never realized it.

After that I'd been debating with myself if I was really pan. Even though I'd already decided that gender doesn't matter to me at all. Someone in my friend group is asexual, and with this friend group we have a private discord server that we have a confession bot in just to make jokes and what not. We would constantly joke about him being attracted to the letter A and blah blah blah, Ik so original. But one day I decided to write a confession joking about me being attracted to pans just to see if any one would comment about it or ask me about it. It all anonymous so they wouldnt know I sent it.

Its silly but here it is:

"I, [my name], can not take it anymore.

This affliction is effecting my day to day work and personal life. I can't play video games normally anymore, I can't cook normally anymore, and I can't go shopping normally anymore. It's just that the second I see them, I can't think about anything else. It's like a cancer that plagues me everyday. My attraction towards pans and cooking peripherals is just too much for me to handle anymore. Ahaididjjs 🤤 handles. It just everywhere I go there always seems to be a pan like its slenderman haunting telling me to find all 9 of his coveted cooking devices."

Which no one ended up commenting about it. I kept still debating with myself about it. Come to today, Ive finally thought to myself and Ive been figured this out and idk why I was so hesitant to accept it.

Im realizing how much if a yap this was 😬, mb. If you read all of it, you're amazing 😊, love you ❤️

Sooo yeah, this is the first time I'm telling anyone about me queer in any sort of way. Kind of a long time coming