r/butchlesbians

So, I (33NB) recently started low-dose T after a long journey of curiosity, repression, unlearning shame and realising I didn’t want to live my whole life never knowing. It’s felt like a chance to finally stake a claim on my body, especially being short and pear-shaped as I am. I knew going in what I wanted: enough irreversible changes that even when I stopped (because I don’t plan to take it long-term unless I discover I really really want to) there’ll be something that can stay with me no matter what I wear or do.

I’m six days in and already feeling more energetic, which has been great! My libido has returned from the dead! I feel like I’m on a whole adventure!

….but also I’m Nervous????

So, what set the Nervous off is that I’m already noticing the faintest hints of tangible bottom growth. This is both wildly exciting and, for some reason, making me anxious precisely because it’s something I won’t be able to walk back - even though it’s one of the things I was most stoked for! Even though I’m like 95% sure I super duper want it?? It’s just that sense of, ‘whoa, I’m doing something I can’t undo - what if i change my mind?? What if i regret it??’ that’s kicked in.

And I guess I’m here to see if anyone else has had that experience. A lot of the reason I put off pursuing T for a solid 10 years was the spectre of ‘what if I regret it?’ and it would be reassuring to hear that being a little anxious isn’t a sign that I’ve made some kind of grave error. Butches who had this feeling, lend me your wisdom?

I’m on T. I got top surgery. I dress super masc. I’m queer. I get gendered fairly correctly most of the time (he/they). There’s a local lesbian/queer women’s social coming up. I really want to go because I’ve given up on dating apps and have a hard time meeting people because I work from home. Would I be “invading” a woman’s space if I go? I won’t hit on anyone, I just want to get out of the house and meet new people, preferably queer. I’m so nervous, seriously considering not going.

I'd like to preface this by saying i know looks don't matter when it comes to being butch, but i still have my concerns.

I've felt more connected to masculinity than femininity all my life. I remember being jealous of my male classmates as a teenager for having social structures not commonly present in female communities, all while being a woman (i considered being trans, but that's not me). It sounds silly, but I'm still very jealous of the stereotype of middle aged men grilling and inhaling peanuts all the time (that should be ME!).

I mostly present masculine - all my skirts and dresses have been rotting away in my closet ever since i gained the ability to choose my own clothes as a teenager. My concern is that I sometimes present feminine. It feels like I'm putting on a costume rather than it being me, but that still stops me from using the butch label. I also don't present 100% masculine either. I want to have long hair, I don't mind wearing skin-tight shirts (mostly black tank tops though because they're the ones that don't look TOO feminine), i wear tons of jewelry, etc.

TLDR, I connect a LOT with the butch label, but I feel like i don't fit into the category enough to call myself that.

Yes I’m very masculine presenting in the way I dress, act and how I’ve worked out my body. You could call me very traditionally butch. I take care of my wife and am tender and all that jazz the list goes on blah blah blah
But I don’t wanna be called a man or a boy.
I’m naturally masculine but
I don’t use they/them or he/him.
I’m the only person on earth who gets ungendered as non binary lmfao.
I feel like a woman.
I love being a woman.
I love being sister and want to be a mom (I want to be called mom!!!!)
I feel like it’s so rare to meet another butch who is masculine in many ways and who genuinely identifies as butch but still loves being a woman.

I’m a butch woman.

I guess I’m sort of throwing this out into the void. Is there ANYONE else like me??? I feel like since I’m butch it’s automatically assumed I want to be something other than what I am and what I want to be. I actually have NEVER met another butch who is not nonbinary or trans. This isn’t meant to be insulting so please don’t take it wrong I’m just writing.

I was looking for a more butch name because mine is very feminine and extremely unique. I have some picks and I just wanted some advice and suggestions since I’m indecisive. I’ve got Bear,Wilder, Ranger and Ty.

Hi everyone,

I’m a physical therapist in an outpatient clinic. All of my coworkers are male, except for the one female front desk attendant.

I’ve been growing steadily more unhappy at my work for a variety of reasons, but one of the reasons is that I just feel plain lonely and starved for female contact. Sure, sometimes my patients are female and I’ve befriended one outside of the clinic, but I only see them for 30 minutes at a time, twice a week, whereas I’m in a small space in close quarters with the other therapists and techs for 8 hours per day 5x per week. And most of the patients I see are much older than me which adds another layer of isolation.

There are 3 other PTs and 6 techs. All male.

I feel guilty about being unhappy. And like it “shouldn’t” bother me this much. But it does. When a young woman patient comes in I immediately perk up and feel more energetic. I went to a lesbian book club over the weekend with young women my age and I literally felt giddy like I haven’t felt in god knows how long.

All the dudes at work talk about is prize picks (sports betting), or football, or basketball, or baseball. All fucking day. It’s so fucking boring and one dimensional and irrelevant to my lived experience.
Can anyone else relate or share thoughts?

Thanks.

I am aspirationally handy. This means I have a lot of tools and ideas but my follow through and skills are subpar.

The project: I would like to build a bench/banquette for the awkward bay window in my kitchen. I do not have the skill set to manage this project on my own.

In an ideal world, a fellow queer person nearby (nova) who is good at this stuff would be interested in helping me figure it out! Through this project we could even cultivate a friendship. If a friendship isn’t interesting to you, I am more than happy to just pay for services rendered in cold hard cash (plus snacks).

Short backstory: I spent a lot of time at my grandparent’s house growing up and they had the tiniest kitchen in town. Half of the kitchen was a restaurant-style booth where some of my favorite childhood memories were made. My wife is currently pregnant with our first and it would bring me an immense amount of joy if I could recreate that booth experience for my future kid.

If this sounds interesting to you or you have any recommendations, send me a dm and let’s chat! Thanks!

Similar to the title, I’ve noticed on my socials that a lot of masc/butch presenting women wear very simple boyish (??) outfits, like they’re all in black or it’s just a plain t-shirt and cargos with a watch or chain. Overall they’re very minimal colors imo, which isn’t a bad thing (as a butch4butch I can’t deny a good wife pleaser and some jeans 🤌) but its just not my thing

I luckily have the chance to refresh my wardrobe (after a massive purge when I moved last month, all that’s left is a few muscle tees and some random vintage sweaters/corduroy). But I’m now struggling to shop/find anything that really fits the whimsical & weird vibes I want. For reference I’d describe myself as a funky lil guy—I’m really artsy, into cottagecore things (mushrooms, crystals, & nature) but I also enjoy fixing cars & woodworking—so I’m looking for something that simultaneously screams ARTIST who’s also a massive dyke

would love any suggestions for websites that could fit those vibes. Or recs on what you’d consider a whimsical butch fit—bonus points for any that have a dapper/ vintage 1930s style!

Hey!

I met a person that I think I like, but at the same time, being with them makes me feel some gender dysphoric feelings. They're "visibly queer", and to put it simply, I feel more like i wanna be like them than being with them right now.. I think the only way to actually be together is to resolve my own gender expression issues bc being intimate with them makes my discomfort worse. Has anyone had a similar experience or any advice?

August 18th is Butch Appreciation Day and I just wanted to say thank you all for existing. Thank you for being here, for being part of our community, for being you. You make the world a better place by being your authentic, masculine, real selves.

Yesterday I had a pretty intense experience on the bus where this man yelled at me, recorded and threatened me because I was a lesbian, going into graphic detail about how gross gay sex is, how my people will be dancing in hell, saying I am in a lesbian relationship w a random woman i was next to etc. I am pretty masculine presenting and he originally just did some very general intimidation until he realised I was a gay woman and it started to become very sexually targeted, threatening and indecent. The bus driver also did nothing which was so awesome, like the dude gets a cage for his protection but the rest of us are out in the open, so sick. Anyways, I wanted to post this to see if anyone has experienced anything similar and know I am not alone, as well as any advice for moving through the world as visibly butch.

Hi everyone, I've had a rough summer. My girlfriend and I broke up (it was for the best and I broke up with her, but I still feel lonely and a bit lost without her, we were together for 2 years) and my dog died last month.

On the back of this I'm taking it as an opportunity to develop myself and my identity. I want to become more confident and comfortable within my sexuality, my style and how I look.

I also want to focus more on my physical health and show up for myself more that way.

Any wacky tips or suggestions or advice will all be welcomed. I appreciate anyone who shares their experience with growing into their butchness.

I feel like every time I see a butch in public I get so shy. My heart starts thudding and I just kind of stumble over my words and smile a lot and honestly look so damn stupid. I think many femmes feel like we don't know if a butch can tell that we're gay so we just smile a lot and maybe touch an arm and try to squeeze some reference to gayness anywhere it could possibly belong. I am no exception. I can only pray to the god of sapphics that one day a butch will see me make a fool of myself and find me endearing. Then snatch me up and off the market for a life of loving arguments, consistent delicious sex, fuzzy pets and lots of home projects. But for now I'll just be hyper aware of the way your arms look in that cut off shirt and wonder incessantly if you're single and if I'm your type and how to make you notice me...

Love,

A hopeless little femme

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter what you look like to be Butch but more so your attitude and know how. (and politics) but I find that features that people liked on me when I was more feminine are things about myself I wish were more masculine now, or at least not of the conventional Eurocentric beauty standard.
There’s the obvious T&A that I wish were smaller but that’s neither here nor there, pretty universal complication with gnc folk. It comes down to smaller things, like my nose or my lips that make my face look more feminine I think that causes me a lot of grief. It’s a sense of crazy imposter syndrome I have with my identity where I feel like I’m wearing the skin of someone who is Butch and when I’m alone with myself eventually that person suit will come off.