r/MtF

The difference between how cis men treat me vs cis women is astonishing. Yes I know 90% of cis people in general usually have issues with trans people or trans issues, but cis women seem to treat me so much better than cis men by far.

To be upfront, I don't pass and I am very, very far away from passing, I'd need FFS and multiple other surgeries. But I have managed to improve my appearance somewhat over the years to be a bit more feminine than before. And people have seemed to have noticed this.

Cis women will see me, and address me with things like "sweetie" or "honey." and generally stuff that I'd imagine they would call other women. They obviously know I'm a trans woman, but they atleast acknowledge my presentation and don't lump me in with men, and address me in a feminine manner

99% of cis men I've met will try to forcibly throw me into the men category. It's pretty clear that I'm not a cis guy and they refuse to acknowledge that. With cis men, it's always "bud" and "dude" etc. Calling me by masculine terms all the time. It's not even atleast a situation where they just don't gender me, they constantly gender me male every sentence they can. Cis women do this sometimes do, but not even half as much as men do this.

So yeah, men suck. I don't like them.

I've been on hormones for a few years now, and early on I fell into that way of thinking that transitioning wouldn't work out for me, so I would just live as a guy and continue taking hormones. This is something I'm working on in therapy.

So I went out a few nights ago and was talking to a couple women, and one of them asked me directly if I had ever been mistaken for a trans woman. I told her no because as far as I've known, the answer has always been no. Later, she also said that she wasn't sure if I was a trans woman or a pretty cis man.

I haven't come out to anyone in my life other than my therapist, including friends or family, but there are a few other trans people I see semi-regularly (that I'm also not out to). I've told them about what happened with this woman and asked them if I had ever registered as being trans to them. Apparently I had and I had no idea. I guess it makes sense that trans people would be able to look at me and guess that I take hormones, but even some cis people seemed surprised to hear me say that I wasn't.

And now, for the past few days I've been stuck in this state of being confused and frustrated with myself because I clearly can't see what other people evidently can see. I can understand seeing me as a more effeminate guy, which is fine, and it doesn't necessarily bother me that I'm being read as a trans woman, but I'm so upset at myself for not being able to see it. I've just been screaming internally, asking why am I being seen as a trans woman, and why is pretty the word people have used to describe me because I. Can't. Fucking. See. It.

I'm definitely not non-binary, but I don't feel comfortable totally decked out in women's clothing and full makeup right now, specifically because I haven't had the FFS that I absolutely want. I think I'll get braver as time goes on, but I haven't even gotten laser for my face yet, so there's no way I pass.

All that being said... I look fucking good. People want to talk to me, I get hit on by both men and women, and I feel confident when I leave the house (in fact, confidence is my charm, I'm not like a model or something, by any means!) Yeah, there's transphobes everywhere, and that sucks, but it's not gonna change anytime soon. Any fear I am feeling goes away when someone smiles at me or talks to me like a human being.

I hope people here can find a way to stop letting the phobes win. They take up too much real estate in everyone's heads. I know things are bad, but there ARE wins, whether it's a state that rejects transphobic legislation or a bad guy who gets arrested, or even just putting on your make up and going, "fuck yeah, bitch, you are hot," on a minimally dysphoric day.

You can't treat every moment of your life as a loss or you'll lose your mind, and that's no good for anybody! 😘

This is not ment negatively in any way. I just don't really understand the purpose of that term and I am honestly curious why people use it as a self description.

If trans women are women, and women who love women (and not men) are lesbians, why is there a special term for lesbians who are trans women. This is super counterintuitive for my autistic brain.

I can understand that there might be occasions where it make sense to have a special term to show that you are a trans lesbian (and people like to shorten things). But I see transbian quite often as a self description, e.g. in trans inclusive lesbian subs. And that is really confusing for me.

Aren't we all just women?

*trigger warning for passing*

Like here on Reddit there are so many people posting selfies asking"do I pass" or "how do I look" and then the comments are all supporting them being overly sweet, however I saw the pictures and I just think, they don't pass, they look like men playing dress up and it makes me feel sick, like I respect them so much for being their true selves and I aspire to be like them, but it makes me feel scared, for me to be who I want, I need to go through that might stage, it scares me more then anything in the world and idk what to do. I'm 17 turning 18 in 3 months, so I have freedom for informed consent very soon but idk what to do

A couple days ago I found a lump in my breast and had a bit of a freak out worrying about the big C.

Now not having been raised as a woman, no one had taught me about what it could be or the likelihood of it being something bad. I spiralled for a while worrying about if I would need to remove my breasts in prevention or other drastic thoughts.

My doctor believes it is just a benign cyst and I have a ultrasound to confirm.

I guess what my point is, are there any gaps in your knowledge that are a given to most people brought up as women? Like passed on from mothers, friends, medical professionals

My father was a raging bigot and we started a lifelong conflict because of a denim jacket I bought from a 'girls' clothing store when I was 16. It turned to all out hostilities when I got my ears pierced when I was 24(?).

People often say "it's the older generation who are most transphobic", except, I am the older generation, the older generation are people I've known for 30+ years.

There are however others older still.

I was outside earlier cleaning the car in mud stained jeans and a full hoodie, hair all over the place, unshaven 'cause it's an electrolysis day.

One of the older men in our village stopped, he must be 80+, we said hello I don't think I've ever spoken with him before.

"You're such a busy girl", he told me.

I'm on cloud 9.

whenever my step mom sees me (im 17) watching anime or looking at memes or whatever she brings up that she thinks im trans because im having unrealistic expectations or i just wanna be an immature child. And she thinks my book choice is too childish (wof or warriors mostly) but like BITCH I read UNHOLY amounts of gay romance but i dont tell you about THAT on purpose. And she brought up how my little sister is gonna be a woman one day but im not. im just kinda sad -_-

I probably got reported by a terf and the mods just hit the ban button without paying attention, but three hours later the only response from those mods I've gotten was one one-sentence message saying that it was a mistake and they "skipped a line" which tells me nothing about what happened and by the way I'm STILL NOT UN BANNED so I have no idea what that even means

Times like this it makes me feel really unwelcome in the world... trying not to spiral but dammit it's hard

Update: the ban was lifted, it indeed was a simple mistake.

Just stressed me tf out and made me dysphoric as hell for an evening

Disclaimer, I'm fairly inebriated. Autocorrect is doing heavy lifting.

Watching startalk with Lawrence Fishbourne and Neil Degrasse Tyson talking about The Matrix. They are trying to show religious (christian) associations through the movie. The talk came out last year; wayyyy after the creators came out publicly.

Like fuck. Its a trans allegory. It always has been. I first saw The Matrix when I was 7. It resonated deeply with me ever since then, albeit I never knew why until my egg cracked. But holy shit. It fits perfectly. This movie resonated significantly more than "I Saw The TV Glow" for me. The fucking creators are trans! This isnt that deep where we need to scower the bible for references. I can watch the entire first one and find almost non-stop associations with my own life. Holy shit cis people are in denial.

Thank you for coming to my drunken 4pm PST ted talk.

People love you if you're easy, non-confidential. quiet and friendly. The moment you start having thoughts, opinions, and standing up for yourself you're suddenly "acting like a man."

People don't believe your medical issues are real, and if they do they blame the fact that you have lady hormones.

Trans women make 60 cents on the dollar compared to cis men. Even trans guys get paid more than us. If you live in state where it's difficult or impossible to change your ID then job hunting becomes a humiliation ritual. No wonder so many of us resort to selling ass...

Speaking of selling ass, the same senators who want to legislate us out of public life are hiring trans prostitutes and jacking it to trans porn. I don't think they want to kill us, they want to relegate us to a beaten, battered, underclass stuck on the margins of society with no way to fight back legally. They love us as long as we're on pornhub or in a seedy motel, they hate us when they have to see us at the PTA meeting or the neighborhood barbecue. It's a madonna whore complex with no madonna, only whore.

Other women, cis or trans, feel like they can look down on you if they're prettier than you. Other women, cis or trans, start resenting you if you're prettier than them.

Any problem that cis women face with mispgyny, we have to deal with in ways that are just as damaging and a hell of a lot more complicated.

A transphobe thinks that a person should be labeled by genitals or gamete production. In either case, the only reason that should come up in casual conversation is if you believe the most noteworthy title of women is as a sex object or baby vessel. Both of which are very patriarchy-brainwashy ways of thinking, reducing people to a materialistic function they can serve to society.

This is a rant but also a bit of an AITA

As the title says i dont like it when cis people call us dolls, i honestly consider it a slur. This came up recently, where a community member (cis) sent out a discord ping about the recent stabbing and ended the message with "stay safe dolls" i sent them i private message telling them in the future that i dont really like them saying doll, they got a lil irate and basically told me that it wasnt a slur so i shouldnt be policeing their launguage. For me it always felt like the "white saviour" archetype but for cis people, i dont like being called an object, its dehumanizing. When ive asked people not to say it before they often default to "well trans people call eachother dolls" and its an ingroup outgroup type of thing for me, same with the f slur or the t slur.

So am i the asshole and what do you guys think? I need further opinions. Srry for any gramar or spelling errors i am very sick and reddit mobile sucks

Edit: hi girls! Thanks for all the good comments, ive calmed down a bit after writing this post and reading your comments, and id like to retract my statement about doll being a slur, its a demeaning word, not a slur. Sorry for the mix up!

Can't avoid them, we are in a band together. They're also my number one confident and I don't have a relationship with anyone else I could talk to any this, either because they know her or they're tired of me talking about this (it has been YEARS). It's making me I credibly miserable, and of course it's making me feel as if my transition is invalid (I know it's not but I can't stop feeling it). I've seen so much of their ugliness and it only makes me want them more. They've literally changed my life, and helped me transition. Please share some advice, my goof ass is regularly crying over this person and this is so fucking dumb.

I've been telling myself for ages that I'm just a crossdresser and this is just a hobby for me and not a lifestyle but honestly I've been lying to myself and idk why. Literally everything I want to do in life i picture myself doing it as a girl.

Ive been dressing in secret and being my girly self whenever the opportunity arose to do so ever since I was 5 yrs old, Wearing girly clothes, trying to wear make-up and getting around the house and yard dressed up and just being feminine and girly, I've also always had long hair for a boy and hated having to get it cut, but its literally something I've always done. Whenever I heard my parents are going away and I knew I'd have the house to myself, or if someone's asked me to house sit, The first thing that comes to mind is "finally! I get to dress up!" Not the typical boy thing where they be like " Yess get to have a girl over or throw a party" or whatever.

Like i said, I've been doing this since i was 5 years old! It didn't start with porn or whatever and it wasn't influenced by anything other than my own desires and feelings, So it was never a sexual thing for me until I was older going through puberty and having those confusing sexual feelings that we all get.

Looking back there was definitely signs my parents could've picked up on and spoke to me about to help me realise this about myself ALOT sooner. but honestly i don't think they cared enough or knew how to do deal with it or maybe they just chose to ignore it, hoping it was just a phase i would grow out of. When I first started at 5-6yrs old there was more than one occasion i was caught wearing girls underwear or still had bits of make-up on my face, other than a soft scolding it was never actually fully addressed or discussed. That's probably why I got so good at hiding it, because I felt like I had to.

My environment and neighbourhood didn't help either, it wasn't really a place for (and I don't take pride in saying this either) weak, or people that could be perceived as weak, I was constantly getting in fights not only to defend myself but others around me as well, and because of that it made it even harder for me to feel like I could be my true self because of the people around me who looked towards me as a protector of some sorts, I would feel, (and still) feel like I'd let them down in some way.

I'm no longer in that environment anymore and realising that there's no reason to have to be that person any more.

Its only recently where I've been thinking about it alot and coming to terms with certain facts that I'm starting to accept this about myself, I always feel sadness when getting undressed after being dolled up and going back to boymode and there's always that lingering sense of sadness until I'm dressed up again and feeling like my true self again. I've thought about it alot (AFUCKINGLOT!!!) So even though a small part of me is still ashamed and worried about what friends and family may think, I know that I've now come to terms with who I am and they'll just have to except it or leave.

I honestly wish I could've come to terms with this sooner instead of just denying and lying to myself about it, I feel the the longer I've waited its maybe made it somewhat more harder for other people in my life to accept this about me as well.

Idk when ill start transitioning, But I do know I've made up my mind that I'm going too.

If anyone has any advice or comments I would love to hear them!

Thanks for reading xx ❤❤

So im 22 years old (or I will be on Saturday) and I've been on estrogen for about three and a half years, and since I started feeling better from unrelated mental health stuff, I started getting baby fever again and this time it's much much stronger, I experienced it before about a year and a half ago, it's both euphoric and dysphoric, and making me realize I might even be straight T-T, but im curious if any one else is getting berated by their brain telling them to get pregnant or if it's just me? Also im not even in a relationship or anything so it's even more irrational than it already was

Okay. I don’t want to lose my dick. I’m trying to keep it from atrophy but like genuinely my libido is so low I forget to jerk off. I think getting a boner like 3 times a week is a pretty healthy goal but like goddamn. Should I just get a pump? Unless I’m like actively ovulating I’m not interested in sex or jerking off anymore. It’s such a chore. I don’t even mind having a lower sex drive other tha. The fact that I’m young and everyone says to fuck while you’re young but whatever.

Tmtl or whatever. Anyone else have trouble doing the maintenance of jerking off a couple times a week? Have you used any tools or mindsets to help. My dick hurts.

When I told my doctor that I wanted to transition, she told me that since I’m in Alabama I’d have to wait till I was 19, and my mom didn’t want to go out of state for hrt, In those three years of waiting I had started growing facial and armpit hair, my face became more sigma giga chad shaped, my hairline started to thin out, and my ribcage and arms and shoulders and everything, it just got so big. I can’t even look at pictures of my younger self without getting upset. Cause that guy, that guy might of had some potential, in becoming something that resembles a woman, but now I’m just an ugly man on hrt, if I was born in freaking Idk like Minnesota or smth I could have transitioned at 16 :(

I am so sorry in advance for the long, disorganized vent post. I don't normally post at all but this has been eating me up so much that I just needed some kind of outlet for it.

Last week, I was involved in a violent incident that has left me feeling non-stop regret about my transition. Long story short, I accidentally walked into a situation where a man was beating on his girlfriend (they were total strangers to me and i only got a few details about their situation overhearing conversations with police after). Honestly, it was really bad, like she was on the ground and he was literally stomping on her.

I wasn't thinking and I just started yelling and grabbed him and tried to pull him off of her. we were fighting for a few seconds as I was pulling him back and he was hitting me, and then he just literally threw me, like 3 full feet, and i landed on my back and hit my head pretty hard. After that he just ran off and we called the police.

Now that things have quieted down (I mean I think, the police literally won't tell me anything), I've basically been spending multiple days in bed because I bruised my tailbone so bad I can barely walk, so I'm just in my head all the time, and the 1 thought that just keeps coming up over and over again is: if I was just 2 or 3 years further into HRT, I might be dead right now.

I don't think I'm overreacting when i try to think critically about it. The guy was 200+ pounds, he was so angry and violent. I felt it when I put my hands on him, I was barely able to pull him away and obviously could barely keep myself safe

I wasn't huge before but I still transitioned well into my adult life, I still have an above average weight for a woman, I still have some of a college athlete's upper body muscles.

I just can't help thinking, if I had spent another few years on hormones, if I had continued my focus on these vanity workouts to shape my waist and glutes (literally been actively trying to shrink my upper back and shoulders which feels so ironic right now), he could have hurt me so so so much worse.

Rationally I know it's probably a once-in-a-lifetime type moment. But we can all see how bad things are getting for trans people around the world, things seem to be getting so much scarier and more violent in so many places.

I'm sorry to be actively transphobic but I'm just really emotional right now, and it genuinely feels like nature was like, here's a body designed to keep you safe, and I was like, no thank you I would rather feel pretty.

I'm really sorry for making this post, I don't even know if I'm asking for advice, I just had to get it out somewhere. Thank you for reading this far if you did.

1 year and 2 weeks post op ... Up till now the question has always been met with a confident NOT A CHANCE!...

But today... After getting up at 4am for a work thing, and planting my butt down on that toilet seat to pee in like 5c weather... Yep. I regret it. My cheeks...my god dam CHEEKS....They're FROZEN 😭😭😭😭

Dont cry for me, I'm just another lost to this insane transgender trend. I now understand it's all a ploy by big toilet to sell more heated toilets. Turn back now before it's too late. Don't let the poop industry trick you like it did me.

Please pray for my cheeks to make a speedy recovery 🙏