I think I accidentally cracked my partner's egg, what do I do?
My partner and I have been together for over 6 years. For context I identify as bisexual and he has always felt queer in some way. Throughout that time I have always had this suspicion that he was not entirely comfortable as himself. I felt like I could not love him entirely, when I would try to there was resistance like he was upset that I loved every part of him.
The other day he went on a usual talk track of being frustrated with men's style. He said that he wished there was a men's style that included these super flared pants a female pop artist was wearing. after I looked at his reference I said it seems like a skirt was the silhouette he was looking for. Since we are both not really fussed with gender conformity I joked with him that when I'm gone one day he should try on one of my skirts. I was serious because I also think men could get a kick out of trying one on so this wasn't suggested with any sort of "trans" implications.
The next few weeks I would ask if he'd gotten around to it yet. I started to notice an unusual discomfort when I followed up. Finally yesterday I asked if he'd tried it out and he was very curt and said to stop asking him about it and the question made him very uncomfortable. I got very stubborn and accustory to this sudden boundary.
I can't stop spinning about it, it's not typical for him to have a strong reaction to something like that. I think he is mtf queer woman? I started thinking about a few other instances that now feel meaningful:
- he is a larger man, over 6ft and over 200 pounds but gets really bothered when the topic of him being perceived as intimidating is raised
- he has described his masculinity as being that of a lesbian
- he is perturbed by his appearance, but seems to stray away from self expression - example in my post
- he has majority female friends and has spoken about how listening to podcasts of male friends groups has made it easier to interact with other men
- he gets really excited for me to wear more "queer" outfits, i always joke that he has a fixation with me in jumpsuits that i don't really share, he also talked me into a more mullet hairstyle (he's bald so he can't change up his hair)
This all seems trivial but maybe resonates with some, I know the directive is don't crack an egg but I didn't mean to and I worry it can't be undone.
What should I do? I am so lost. Please help :(