u/MadeInMilkyway

A bit about me... I don't believe in genders. I am amab, presenting androgynous, but still shy about things coded as done by females, (e.g. nail polish, crop top) and also coded male (e.g. going topless, using urinal).

I am a PhD student in engineering, and in fact one of the reasons I am doing it is frictionless gender neutral title. 🙃

But one thing I realised is people doing STEM and more often people doing more studying tend to be very ordinary looking because we prefer loss aversion (i.e. social friction appears far worse than it would be) and defer gratification (i.e. end up neglecting our inner desires over a long term stability).

Therefore, I think this creates a non-causal link between successful people doing STEM and appearing "vanilla". (I would like to stress that this is not a causal link and being wise enough to realise it isn't much of a problem I think is a higher wisdom.)

Therefore, I feel like it is difficult to filter out people feeling/thinking like I do , which I would get along well with, i.e. long term focused people in STEM that are agender.

What are ways to distinguish you in the crowd? Should I put some secret agender colored object etc. so like minded people could identify me in the crowd? Where do you spend time?

I looked and felt androgynous since I was a kid. When I was a kid, I use to correct people when they call me she/madam etc. and they would apologise and get sad but for me it was minor semantics.

Now I am totally fine and "will they think I am female" is kind of a game for me. If I can fall in love with a female, why should it be so bad if people think I am one? That never made sense to me.

I wouldn't correct, but mom for example is annoyed when I don't, society gets sad when they misgender...

Why do people expect you to have such an inferior complex and if you don't have it that you aren't acting your gender, whatever that is... Identity is an illusion, and if it doesn't serve me or for efficiency than what good is it?

Can you relate?