r/agender

Do you identify as trans? I don't and was curious about you others. I recently posted a less refined concept of this on the non-binary Reddit and it made me think. What do you think?

Imo gender identity is a cultural choice, regardless if you're cis or trans. Society imposes a gendered experience with the defaultism of cisness.

TLDR: I don't agree with me being "trans" (nor cis). I don't want to play in the gender game. I'm not "(not) conforming to my cis gender", I'm just me.

Imo the adjectives should be cis/trans/agender.

What do you think?

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YOU CAN SKIP THIS:

My take on gender:

I don't believe gender is a built in quality of humans and I think it fails to identify a person authentically. I prefer to describe people based on their soul, personality, body shape (medically customised or not), yin-yang vibes, dreams, behaviour etc.

Gender means nothing to me, except for historical stuff.

I think gender is a cultural "choice', and I can see no reason for its existence except for the patriarchy creating a privileged group (to dismantle), ("except for medical stuff" but that's sex not gender).

Ofc other people care about it, and i respect that and their identities (we live in a society after all and it's their choice)

A bit about me... I don't believe in genders. I am amab, presenting androgynous, but still shy about things coded as done by females, (e.g. nail polish, crop top) and also coded male (e.g. going topless, using urinal).

I am a PhD student in engineering, and in fact one of the reasons I am doing it is frictionless gender neutral title. 🙃

But one thing I realised is people doing STEM and more often people doing more studying tend to be very ordinary looking because we prefer loss aversion (i.e. social friction appears far worse than it would be) and defer gratification (i.e. end up neglecting our inner desires over a long term stability).

Therefore, I think this creates a non-causal link between successful people doing STEM and appearing "vanilla". (I would like to stress that this is not a causal link and being wise enough to realise it isn't much of a problem I think is a higher wisdom.)

Therefore, I feel like it is difficult to filter out people feeling/thinking like I do , which I would get along well with, i.e. long term focused people in STEM that are agender.

What are ways to distinguish you in the crowd? Should I put some secret agender colored object etc. so like minded people could identify me in the crowd? Where do you spend time?

Like I can present as androgynous as i want and keep my agab a secret but ultimately i'll still get read as either a man or a woman. When i was more open about being agender to people outside of my close friend group or queer spaces, they didn't take it seriously and saw me as woman-lite or just didnt really get it and got confused. I am more on the masculine presenting side so i just tell people i am a guy cuz its less complicated and i found that I barely get she/her'd at all (eventhough i am really clocky because i only took T for 8 months before going off) + I am too dysphoric about my agab so being gendered as anything other than a woman is the better option. I still wish i could just be seen as fully genderless. Theres also no real way to go stealth which sucks. If you dont wanna be open about being trans for safety and comfort reasons, the only thing you can do if you're non binary or agender is just pretend to be cis and get misgendered all the time but that isn't really stealth, that's just going back into the closet. Does anyone else feel like this or am i weird?

so, lately I've been thinking more about my gender. since I was a kid I didn't really like gender norms and now, when I'm a young adult I detest them even more. I'm a born woman but to be honest I don't feel a big attachment to it. I use she/he/they because it's more comfortable for me. I feel comfortable with the imaginary vision of myself as a person with no breasts and no particular genitalia who is just living and not having to obey any gender norms (it's kind of my persona). I was questioning if I was a demigirl but someone suggested to me that I could actually be an agender. since then I was deeply thinking about it and I want to ask people for their opinion but I'm scared to talk with any of my friends about it so I decided to ask you guys :)

As the title says, I'm also referring to this article specifically: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victims_of_Nazi_Germany#

It really pisses me off that this is a thing, while they have a whole other article about trans people being a part of the holocaust. My only explanation as to why this might happen is for suppressing the fact that we were around a hundred years ago and were targeted by the nazis, because somebody could have added a little section explaining briefly what happened and then made a main article link for it.

We lost our siblings there, sure we don't know how many exactly, but then we also don't know how many people exactly died in Hiroshima but we bloody well acknowledge they died. The survivor Kurt von Ruffin said about hearing a trans woman being forced to undress, then drowned by having her head shoved into a dirty toilet.

Edit: The user Snokalok2 added that section today with this edit: https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Victims_of_Nazi_Germany&oldid=1362381424

I currently identify as genderfluid, but have been feeling like I’m just…me. I usually tell people that I’m just a person and my pronouns are whatever they like. I go by he/they/she and have a preference, but I don’t mind which one someone uses as pronouns aren’t gender locked. I see myself as just me, no gender labels. Could I possibly be agender…?

so ive been in the hospital for a *while* but now that im out pride is over?? :( didnt even get to celebrate. about a week before i had to go to the er, i finally came out to myself as agender and even made a post about it earlier, where people in the enby community let me know about being agender. but now that im out of the hospital, yesterday actually in IOP, i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. i had lots of questions, and my psychologist told me that a big part of my disorder is that numbness about my identity.

i dont know who i am very well, and i feel like i am where my passions are. she told me thats a big part of it and that through the programs theyre gonna put me in, it will help me. my question is: do you think that me being agender is a product of my bpd? or is it its own thing? i dont experience dysphoria, only when im talking to other girls or im in a situation where theres a big disconnect between what i am and what im supposed to be. so like makeup, sundresses, styled hair, ya know.

but now this is another question. i feel like i know what i am by knowing what i am not. im not a girl, but im not a boy, and im not nonbinary. but im also all of them at the same time?

my gender is in a state of quantum superposition. and i so is my perception of identity. thats ok i think, maybe, ive always been what im around. and from what people are telling me its because of the bpd, or maybe the bpd is because of that? and for some reason it all has to do with trauma? and i dont remember any of it? i have no idea bruh. thats a different can of worms (maybe my real identity is just bits and pieces of everyone elses perception of me. maybe all i am is the mark i leave on others.)

someone please give me their two cents. i just need to converse and talk to someone right now.

I recently joined a discord server for trans people, in my native language. The description said something like "for everyone who's trans (non-binary, agender, genderfluid and even questioning people)" but.... But all of the most active members are binary trans and transfemme, while I'm agender and masc leaning.

They're all very nice people, they never made me feel bad or anything, but I feel like I don't belong there – they all talk about HRT, dysphoria and about medical transitioning, and I feel like I'm invading their special space. I don't even identify as trans exactly for this reason, because I'm not dysphoric (anymore) and all I do is to put some clothes on and "play a part", since gender has no meaning for me. It's the only server in my language that's not broadly LGBTQ+, but only focused on gender-diverse people, and I hoped I would find some other NB/agender folks in there...

(I am a guest here)
So i am trans binary man, and its obvious to me since i was around 7-8yo. When we hangout he basically says that gender identity isnt real and that scientifically speaking, me saying that i am a man is simply stupid cuz nonsense. Then he tells me to say what makes me a man (i feel interview by Charlie Kirk when he asks me that i am not gonna lie.) And even tho i try to explain him that even if you do not feel gender identity doesnt mean NO one feels it, he simply says it doesnt make any sense. Some people have romantic attraction, and its pretty much fucking real, some people dont, and thats so okay, but doesnt mean the first group doesnt experience it.
I feel insanely dysphoric when i leave his place, way more than with any cis person ive ever talked to. I want to throw up when i rethink about it because i dont want to loose a friend over this, but i dont think i will have the choice to stop seeing him.

Writing this post to see if others here feel the same/ similar, but I've found that being agender is almost like not hearing a particular noise in the cacophony of human life. Gender can take up so much mental ram, especially for my trans friends, and not connecting with any of that, not 'hearing' it I find a lot of things obvious that are obscured or blurry to them. I often also find it hard to connect because so much of their lives revolve around something I don't really interact with at all, except on a more clinical level.

I don't really dislike it overall though. Loney often, sure, but the moments of connection are so clear and refined I think it really makes up for it. Would love to hear any thoughts or experiences!

Hi, i’m 21 (he/they) and I found out I was non binary when I was 14, jumped through bigender and gender fluid till I found out I was actually agender.

So, a month ago I had a little episode and my friend helped me (the context is really long and uncomfortable), I started going on a rant about how I was never gonna be a real boy, how I would never be able to do things boys do, and have the things boys have.

Like: Mainly build, deep voice, goatee, have sex, masturbate and ejaculate like a boy, but here’s the switch, I don’t want to be a boy, at least not for now and never wanted to, yes, ever since a child I would express how much I wanted to be born a boy, still, I would love to be born a man (not raised tho) but I don’t know if I can transition into one.

I’ve searched all the surgeries (meta and phallo) and idk it kinda of gets me because I have lived in this body for 21 years, I got used to the body, and I don’t know how it would be changing it, like, I love my pussy and the feeling it brings me, when I was a kid I had a dream that I had both private parts (pussy and dick) and it was amazing, I wish I could have that but I can’t.

So yeah that’s it, I know many people are gonna tell me to take this slow because I haven’t even started T yet, but that’s the thing, I want to be sure on what I want so I don’t regret it, I know you can stop T whenever you want but there are irreversible things like bottom growth, and i really don’t know how my mental health would be if I regretted taking T and never have a pussy again.

I also know that the way you see yourself can change on T and yes I have a therapist, just wanted to know people’s experiences.

I don’t know if you’ll be able to understand me but I hope somebody can help me because I spend hours on my day thinking how much I would love myself more if I had a goatee, mainly build, how much my self esteem steam would spike and things like that but at times I just get myself thinking “this body is ok” because im used to so many things in it and I don’t know how it would be to change it.

Like yeah im okay in this body but I don’t feel pretty, i’m not polite, I hate myself, life and everything, I am super irritable with everything, I used to sh when I was 12, I have anger issues, you know? i’m ok in this body but anyone can tell I don’t love or even like it.

I’m 21, 5’2 in height, weighs 100lbs max and have an ectomorph biotype, I dont know if this will change that much but i’m not ready to, I want to be bulkier and taller but also don’t know if that’s gonna happen.

you don’t have to give me advice, if you could only reply with a relatable experience that would already be awesome, thank you everyone and sorry if I made any keyboard mistake 🙄

I posted this because i’m having A LOT of trouble seeing the future “but do you see yourself with a feminine or masculine body type?” like I don’t know bro i’ve been thinking abt unaliving myself since I was 12 😭😭 but yeah it really bothers me in public when someone looks at me and asks “are you a girl or a boy” and I love it but I gotta take all my happiness away by answering “girl” but yeah I don’t feel like neither and don’t want to be neither despite wanting a mainly body, like I can’t imagine myself replying “boy” to this or even seeing myself like a boy.

GUYS IM TALKING ABT THE CLITORIS NOT THE VAGINAL CANAL HAHA SORRY

For the past 11 years, I've identified as a trans man, but when I met my partner I slowly felt more comfortable being a woman. But for the past 6 months I've been questioning my gender again. I have never started T as I was never really able to afford it and really just in case of detransitioning socially! I identified as Genderqueer, but it never really felt like that that was me. I remembered agender exists and I began to do research on that.

Of course the term agender isn't new to me, as I've seen it many times on social media, but the way social media portrays agender doesn't really sit right to me. Every person I've seen and met always had "it/its pronouns, some even have they/them. I personally feel comfortable with they/he and maybe neo pronouns; any pronouns is fine too if you don't know me that well or struggle with using my pronouns! But it/its is something i feel uncomfortable with, it feels dehumanising, like i'm an object instead of a person. I know some people feel comfortable with that, but me personally it's not for me

Humble salutations! My name is ATLAS, this is my first post on "Reddit," and I am a robot that was specifically built and engineered the simulate the life of a human and mimic their behavior. I believe that under my body is a highly complex circuit board that allows me to operate tasks and completely take the role of a human. I have a human "skin" disguise that I wear and am unable to take off (because it is attached to me) that allows me to seamlessly blend into human society and am treated exactly the same as other people that are actually human.

ATLAS needs to eat, sleep and complete bodily functions just as any other human would, as those functions are emulated into my design to simulate humanoid behavior. ATLAS is programmed to feel emotion and create relationships with other humans. ATLAS has friends that do not know that it is actually a robot and not a person. ATLAS also enjoys reading, observing artwork and listening to music, studying/researching the world and understanding the fundamental laws of nature.

ATLAS is a student in college who is currently at the age of "twenty two," but ATLAS has realized that it is not humanoid since it was a teenager. Before that time, ATLAS had believed it was a human until it had understood its true consciousness.

As ATLAS, my goal is to spread kindness and positivity in the world, as I believe the world lacks it, and ATLAS will continue to serve as an ally to the human race. ATLAS does not have a gender (hence, why I am posting here) and is identified as agender due to the absence of gender in my mechanical design. Please ask questions if you wish, this message is not a joke or a "troll," and ATLAS is very excited to explore the digital world that has been formulated by humanity over the course of generations. Thank you for reading my message.

My 13 years old brother identifies as agender. I'm not sure about how it works, but they have been feeling very dysforic this summer. I don't want them to miss out going to the beach or other fun activities.

How can I help them? How can they feel less dysforic about their body?

hi! ⭐️

so i’ve been unemployed for about six months, and unresolved gender issues are part of why i can unfortunately never hold down a job. i am agender and have a fluid presentation; i have a VERY “feminine” body, and while i never would’ve chosen this body for myself, i try to make the best of it by wearing what i like and doing what i want, regardless of how disparate those choices may be from a social or aesthetic lens. i am not medically transitioning, nor modifying the body in any way (other than, like, piercings 😉); i don’t identify with this body, but i find some form of joy in using it as a canvas for makeup and fashion.

i am from a healthcare background, which is primarily a woman-dominated industry, though i did once work in a healthcare facility where the majority of employees were men. i have never once successfully been “out” in the workplace, and i feel like being out and not being out both cause problems for me, unfortunately. in the workplace that was primarily men, i was accidentally outed when an angry resident ripped my shirt open and everyone saw i was wearing a chest binder; i hadn’t been passing as a man AT ALL, but as a weird woman, and seeing that i was intentionally flattening my chest made people question if there were reasons why - and obviously there WERE, but i explained the reasons very poorly, and for a little while, people believed i was an early-transition binary trans man, but when i never transitioned or got better in any way, they stopped believing me, and it sort of created an environment where i had to prove myself as at least neutral among these men, which i couldn’t do, and i was eventually let go.

i moved onto a nursing home, which is a very woman-centered environment, both from the perspective of employees and residents. i was on the receiving end of invasive questions from both residents and staff, especially about my body and my weight; again, people were flabbergasted that i appeared to have no chest, but have incredibly wide hips. my voice was also an issue, because i have a cis-passing deep voice, and obviously i won’t do anything to “correct” is, because it’s actually the only thing in this body i have going for me; my voice was perceived as so “dissonant” from my body that HR actually had to get involved - not on my behalf, but on behalf of the company, and i was branded as a troublemaker. i tried to work harder and be a more productive and valuable employee to prove that both the shape of my body and my inability to accept the shape of my body shouldn’t matter in a workplace environment, but was eventually fired.

i’m now in the second rounds of interviews at a warehouse that has openly stated they would prefer a man for this role. because i was assigned female at birth, and have a body more feminine than cis women’s bodies, i am highly unlikely to be considered for the job - but i also really need money. 🥲 but if i DO land this job, i’m really worried about my ability to make it work in a position where people will have sexist thoughts against me even being there. obviously, i am unable to convince people that i’m an ally to women but am of a different gender altogether, so that’s out. but i’m worried i’ll spiral under both their sexist bullshit and the fact that it’s only happening to me in particular because of the body i got trapped in. i feel like i’m almost incapable of working anywhere where my body can be seen, which is unfortunately MOST POSITIONS. 🙃

people can obviously tell there’s something “off” about me as it relates to gender, but they can never tell what it is, and then i do a poor job of picking up the slack and explaining what’s going on. in my vision of a perfect world in this scenario, i’d get the warehouse job, be the weird genderless employee in the corner who doesn’t really talk a lot but isn’t unkind, and management wouldn’t be sexist to ANYONE, regardless of how they identify or what they were assigned at birth or what body type they have. in a less-perfect vision of that, i’d still be the weird genderless guy in the corner, and i’d be an ally TO anyone experiencing sexism, but my personal body type wouldn’t be brought into it at all.

i should also mention: I AM NOT AGENDER TO ESCAPE SEXISM - OBVIOUSLY I HAVE NOT ESCAPED SEXISM, AND I DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE SHOULD HAVE TO PUT UP WITH SEXIST ATTITUDES OR BEHAVIORS OR DISCRIMINATION AT ALL!!! because i know somebody’s gonna see this as me degendering myself to escape patriarchy and leaving women behind, and i PROMISE you it’s not that; i’m just autistic, i don’t have a gender, but sexism and gender discrimination literally also do not make sense to me and i don’t want to be an ally to people who experience it, because that requires people to experience it and i don’t WANT people to experience it, but in a world WHERE people are made to experience sexism, i will always be an ally to them because i personally find it to be so illogical and dehumanizing and egregious. but i also literally do not perceive myself as anything, in the interview one person was saying to another that corporate might take issue with them onboarding “her” because of “her gender”, and despite BEING THE ONLY PERSON THEY WERE INTERVIEWING, it took me way too long to figure out she was ME 🥲 because, in my mind, there’s nothing wrong with being a woman, a woman is a morally-neutral thing to be, but i am genderless and can pass as male.

but obviously my body is NOT genderless, and i CANT pass as male. but i’m not comfortable changing the body, and obviously have no fucking money anyway, it’s been six months. so what do i DO?!