Sometimes I fall back on binary gender thinking towards myself. Maybe it’s my community but sometimes I’ll misgender myself cause it’s what I’m used to. Gender has been held over head so long it sometimes feels like something to work around. How do I affirm myself better?
I kind of venting but basically I feel misunderstood being read as a “man” but I’ve never been read as anything else. However I don’t feel like a woman. I only present as a “man” cause it’s raiser easier. Besides that gender always feels something I’m not good at. I guess I just wish I made sense to people.
I just feel a little lost right now. All of my “crushes” were aesthetic driven and fleeting. When I’ve had “crushes” I just wanted to near them in the way a friend was. I was okay being a friend or maybe something else. I’ve looked into alterous attraction and it may have been that. I’m not sure. It’s just that I’ve never felt moved enough by “romantic attraction” to pursue a relationship and I’m wondering if I experience it at all. There’s some forever feeling or in love feeling that I fear is going over my head a bit.
So I explored my gender for about 2-4 years now and I’ve realized I prefer gender on everyone else but me. I learned the putting effort into my gender as in how it’s perceived and how I should signal it, it drains me. Could this be an agender thing or just a me thing, perhaps both? Idk.
So I might not be bigender. Although I connected with some of the stories here I don’t think I connect with it enough and don’t want to force myself. Love u guys.
So my sense of self can be a bit scattered and I was wondering how do I know I’m me gender wise. Like how do I know I’m grounded enough to truly who I am on the gender spectrum. In my daydreams being bigender is great but dreaming isn’t living. Idk if this made sense or but I hope it did.
My issues is I feel like an alien regardless whatever my gender is. Like right now I feel so disconnected from being a woman but being a man is just what people call me. And idk if transitioning is healthy for me but I don’t always want to be seen as a man. I just feel so disconnected from myself.
I’m annoyed cause this happened last year. I found genderfluid and thought “that’s me great.” I found bigender and thought “wow even better.” And now it’s back to this.
This may sound weird but sometimes I forget I’m bigender. I’m closeted and present male so I’m used to blending into the binary. Sometimes I’ll daydream and remember how euphoric it would be to showcase that side of myself. Anyone else?
Update: Thanks for all the replies! Also WOW didn’t realize this was so common 🤯.
For context: I present male but highly ID as transfeminine (maybe genderfluid) and I am highly considering HRT if I ever get the chance.
Keeping it brief did you have to relearn social cues as part of your social transition. For about 20 years I masking as a boy and only recently really considered transitioning and much more expressive I would likely be feel. I sometimes I get giddy imagining myself. Back to the topic at hand, I don’t always fit in with other men and my fear not fitting in with other women. Learning social cues took a minute for me and honestly I still replay conversations. So idk will I have relearn social cues all over sharing whilst transitioning. Life is hard regardless I just kinda want a heads up. It’ll likely be years before I access HRT anyway I just need some of my fears out of the way.
For context: I don’t pass. I’m not trying to as I’m more closeted right now and can’t afford to.
So I was going to look at some perfume just to explore my feelings and I just couldn’t do it. I know I sound like the biggest baby (I know I am it’s okay) but I just felt so weird knowing everyone is seeing a “man” smelling all the girly perfume. I saw myself on the security camera tv and felt caught in the act of some kind. I know I’m not doing anything wrong but still. I’ve always struggled with being perceived in general. How do I get over this?
Update: I went to a different store and smelled the perfumes I wanted. Y’all were right. I was in my head too much.
So for context I’ve been presenting as a guy all my life. I’m in my early twenties and don’t know what goals to set. Part of me wants dress me fem in the future. However I don’t want to look like a boy in a dress. There’s nothing wrong with being a boy in a dress but it’s just not me. I was hoping the physical appearance changes from HRT would help people myself included see me more accurately. My main issue against going on HRT is change. I’ve learned to live in my body a certain way and having to readjust is little unnerving.
So I’m in a weird position. So my egg cracked multiple times months apart. I’ve ignored it or wrote it off but I really don’t want to anymore. Saying “I’m trans” in my head felt really euphoric and a step in the right direction. Here’s the problems I’m having:
I keep deadnaming myself.
I don’t fully connect to be a binary woman. I’m definitely transfeminine but I don’t always feel like a “woman”. Due to this I feel alienated by everyone.
My gender dysphoria is slowly getting worse. I’m good at tuning it out and boymoding but when I’m alone and I look around and at myself I’m at little disappointed sometimes.
I can’t freely be trans due to my environment and living situation so my gender is basically a waiting. Thankfully I’m not too distressed but there’s spikes of sadness our anxiety every once in a while.
Any advice?
So I’m likely aroallo, never dated, I don’t love hooking up, find dating culture annoying…what do I do
I’m just so to myself. I already have social anxiety. I like the idea of relationship but I’m worried feelings aren’t strong enough.
I may be aroflux perhaps cupio or both I’m not sure.
Any advice appreciated.
So I’ve never been in a relationship. I like the idea of being in a relationship in theory. I’m generally romance-favorable. Basically I’ll develop “mini-crushes” on people that’ll go through about 5 stages.
Stage 1: do I have a crush on them
Stage 2: I guess they’re kinda cute
Stage 3: I think I just like being their friend
Stage 4: maybe… 💝
Stage 5: no just friends
My feelings generally sit in platonic or alterous attraction. I think I might be aroflux but wasn’t sure since I never feel strongly about anyone. Idk.
So I’m a bit introverted and rarely find people attractive in a way motivates me to act on it. My attractions veers mostly into aesthetic. I have “crushes” but usually unattainable and idk if I would actually act on it irl.
My question is how do I know if I’m demisexual or just an introvert?
Edit I identify with being greysexual in general but wasn’t sure if demisexual also fits. I tend to find sexual attraction confusing in general.
I do want to start off by saying, I do believe I’m on the aromantic spectrum. However I’m not sure where. I’ll put my reasoning in bullet points.
• When I liked someone it was nebulous and fleeting. Mostly aesthetic focused.
• I’ve always been quite romance-indifferent compared to everyone else.
• Recently when I like someone it’s more of a fixation than a long term attraction or desire. And I usually get over it quickly.
I was wondering if that’s greyromantic or if I’m just aromantic and experiencing attraction compulsively.
I’ve never dated cause I’m a little bit introverted and I’m not super romance oriented if that makes sense. I’ve been reflecting and realized that I’m probably greyromantic or aroflux. I’m already pansexual and probably demisexual or just greysexual in general so this feels like a lot. I’m quite romance-favorable so I’m having a hard time fully accepting myself. Any tips?
Edit: I realized I’m probably aroaceflux
I don’t experience romantic attraction very often and the few times I do it’s quite muted. Muted to the point where idk if I’m experiencing romantic attraction or alterous attraction. I’ve never really dated before. What do I tell people. For context I’m pansexual and greyromantic.
How do you know if you’re experiencing alterous attraction or muted romantic attraction.
Real life example about a friend irl:
I’ll get excited to see them however when I do see them it feels like a desire for closeness than a desire that’s exclusively romantic.
I’m not upset at just being their friend. However when they’re in the room they pull focus.
I’m very sure I’m somewhere on aromantic spectrum but I just wanted advice.
This is a pretty random post tbh. However I just record and share a moment of peace and clarity. As an agender pansexual, I feel really aligned right now 😃. I still have moments of imposter syndrome but they’ve been much shorter and less common. I hope this gives hope to anyone reading this.
To those questioning their gender and are still unsure, don’t beat yourself up for asking a question and having an immediate answer. Everyone starts somewhere. If you’re reading this have a nice day 😊 👋.