r/bigender

Just got sent my work contract to work security at a hospital 0w0 vary exciting.

Not really sure how transitioning is going to look in a work environment like that, but I honestly need the money and it pays well.

They want me to do a bunch of training and I just had to sign like a million papers, but I think this is a good change for me. They pretty much described my job as airport security. I just hang out by the doors and check peoples bags and stuff. Seems pretty chill since it's a hospital.

Not looking forward to being around sick people all the time or hospital smell all the time. I don't think anyone wants to be at a hospital :P so people tend to be a little on edge.

I’m 30 AMAB, and I’m pretty sure I’m bigender/genderfluid/trans. I like being a guy and feel comfortable with that identity, but over the past year or so, I’ve increasingly realized I’m also interested in being a woman. I’ve tried roleplaying a little bit online as “Zoey” but haven’t really found any great chat partners. I have a weekend coming up where I’m going to be alone from Friday night - Sunday night, and I’m wanting to plan a weekend where I basically get to be a woman for the entire weekend to see how it feels, but I have no idea how I should really go about doing that.

i know this is probably a long shot but has anyone who was assigned female at birth ever managed to get electrolysis covered under a gender dysphoria diagnosis (not for surgery prep)?

im bigender m/f. ive been on t for like 5 years or so and while it was very much necessary for me, the body and facial hair are a major source of dysphoria. i have tried stopping t, but as expected it had little to no effect on my hair growth and caused other sources of dysphoria to return. it also wouldnt be a very good option now even if it helped because ive since had a bilateral oophorectomy and am dependent on hrt for a primary sex hormone.

basically, i know its common for insurance to cover electrolysis for people who were amab under a dysphoria diagnosis (and my insurance does), but is there any slight possibility i could get it covered for me? i have had no problems getting any other gender affirming care (hrt, top surgery, hysto, and upcoming meta) covered and my pcp + mental health providers would be supportive of this if i needed letters.

at this point i would say that body hair is my primary source of dysphoria and being able to get rid of hair from even just one area of my body would substantially improve my quality of life. but theres no way i could afford electrolysis out of pocket and it doesnt really seem like i have any other viable options :(

i just feel like if i can prove the amount of distress it causes me surely i could get my insurance to approve it (its good insurance! i wouldnt even be thinking about it if i didnt think there was Some chance!) but i dunno :/

Hey all,

TLDR; my partner and I of several years are splitting. Here’s more or less what happened —

We had always had some compatibility issues even when I was a guy (the majority of our relationship.) Midway through, during a particularly rough patch, I discovered my femme side. The questioning got really intense. As we patched things up and moved in together, I started repressing again “Nah, I’m a cis male it’s fine”

Fast forward three years. The gender questions come back harder than ever. The more I explore, the more I love my femme side and can’t repress her or deny her existence anymore. The egg crack moment came and I knew if I kept going with repression knowing she was there, the mental health consequences would be devastating and I’d never find happiness. I tried to talk to my partner about my desires to experiment with my gender presentation, but she told me if I changed my gender at all, we’d have to break up. So I hid it for a little while from her while I kept exploring / coming out to others. Eventually, I came out. She did good and she tried to accept it for a little while, but we ultimately just agreed we need different things. It’s heartbreaking, and well — ya girl needs a virtual hug, words of encouragement, anything. 🦋💔

So... I fell off a parachute here and haven't really explored anything regarding my gender so far, but I felt like it would be good for me to talk about this:

I'm 22, amab, and after seeing this subreddit' name and reading some experiences I felt like maybe someone could relate/understand at least partially what I'm feeling. It is weird for me to talk about this because I don't actually feel unconfortable at all in my life as a male and being perceived this way.

The thing is that, at the same time, if a genie appeard in front of me and offered for me to become a woman permanently, I would wihtout thinking twice, and sometimes I even think I'd be much happier. When I made this mental exercise I suddenly realized I've known this answer for a long while as if it is only natural/obvious.

I think that the reason why this never really takes the stage in my life and I never adress the feeling (although I remeber feeling something similar since I was 15 or earlier) is because I actually feel ok being a man and at the same time exploring being a woman would face so much resistance from all my social circles and ppl I really love. Even more than that, I think it faces so much resistance from myself - like I'm not allowed to act/feel a certain way and I'm an impostor for even wanting to try...

...but some more mental gymnastics made me realize that, if I was sure I was being perceived as a woman, I'd love to wear clothing that looks more feminine, for exemple.

I don't think I'd act like a different person overall, even in terms of hobbies, its just that, at some instance, I imagine being perceived as female would feel so much lighter, like a rock was being lifyed from the bottom of my soul (and I do understand that, at a practical level, it actually comes with so much more hardships, like mysoginy). Also, I like my current life a lot, I have a few very good friends and familly and girlfriend (some I even think would understand it if I accepted the genie's wish), and there's nothing I fear more than beign alone, if none of these people actually understood it I'd be lost.

Anyway, I tried to describe the feeling the best I can, I guess there's more to it but the post is already kinda long.

Is it ok to feel this way? Does this make any sense?

If a woman is also a man, would they be considered a trans woman? What about if a man is also a woman, can they be considered a trans man?

I'm sorry if this is rude, I'm just curious. Trans women are not men, but can a trans women ALSO be a man? Not because she's trans, but because she's both a guy and girl.

Hii, so I simultaneously feel like I'm a woman and I'm agender. Both feel entirely whole, though there can be a bit of fluctuation in which one dominates. Even then though, neither feel partial. They both feel whole, it's just like one has taken a step in front of the other.

Is bigender right? I've been looking into this, demigirl, and genderflux... and I'm not sure.

AMAB coming to terms with being a demigirl - not sure if that's the best term for someone in their late 40s? I've been feeling guilt that there's something socially wrong with me for wanting boobs while retaining other elements of masculinity.

Then I saw another post from years ago where an ftm-nb said "I usually wear a prosthetic during sex to feel more comfortable with myself".

Blew my tiny mind. I think because it's such a beautiful demonstration of how this is for us, not some vein external performance.

(hope doesn't seem insulting to have said thi, I think I'm going through a process of breaking down internalised transphobia and coming to terms with mysefl)

Originally on r/asktransgender , was suggested I post here too.

I'm 48, been in various states of ignorance, denial, internalized transphobia for decades. I feel like I'm close to being ready, but hesitating for fear of making a mistake and then beating myself up for having been so stupid and acting on a whim.

• I'd never pass, but I have a feeling my destination isn't binary.
• I've always wanted boobs, though I'm anxious about how a male with boobs would be perceived.
• Overall more fem while still be clearly clocked as male would potentially be ok.
• I feel like I'm gambling that HRT is going to help the longing, gender envy and secretive under-dressing finally calm down.
• While much of this feels like it's for me, there's also some part that want's other people to see what I fantasize is the real me.

Main thing is I want to look and feel like I'm not trying too hard to pass as something I'm not. Want to prioritize authentic, if that makes any sense at all?!

Do you think I'm at risk of making a mistake?

--------------------

Things I've gathered so far:

- A few people saying they have also felt the need for boobs while not aiming for full binary transfem. Makes me feel like I need not be so ashamed of my motivations.

- Sounds like I can learn a lot in the first few months, and pause if I'm still freaking out before things become more permanent.

Given that we are fairly rare, do you ever meet other bigender people out in the wild? Is it only really likely in universities and big cities?

hi! im looking for some help with finding an gender identity that suits me. I am AFAB, and im happy with that! i love being a female but i often find myself feeling more comfortable with being seen as an male. I have an boyfriend whose also AFAB but transmasc, ive been thinking that maybe that suits me, but no. I dont want to be masc, i want to be inbetween leaning towards feminine.

This is so hard to explain, i use she/he pronouns cause they suit me but when someone ask what my gender identity is i just blank, im not nonbinary or apagender, i want something that fits EXACTLY how i feel. Something thats not too masc, but not too feminine. I want it to be know that i am a girl, but i want to be seen as an male.

If anyone has any ideas or tips, tell me.

posted on /nonbinary originally, but someone said to post it on here aswell!

Buenas, soy AMAB y llevo poco tiempo aquí. No sé aún cómo publicar en inglés ni si lo podéis traducir, aunque supongo que sí. Estoy empezando a transicionar, sólo lo saben mis hermanas, mi pareja y una compañera del trabajo. Lo debo comunicar al resto de mis compañeros del trabajo o es peligroso porque de alguna forma me pueden hacer daño?

(When I say “it” I mean their story)

I was born afab. 3 older sisters, the eldest being a trans woman.
As a child, I never liked femininity. Dresses, princesses, fairies were all must avoids. Ninjas, minecraft, scary games were my favourite things. Boyish through and through. This is with exception, I had a yellow dress when I was about 5, that I loved to wear. And that was the only thing.

Getting a bit older and a bit more articulate, I was very prominent in wanting to be known as a “tomboy”. I held this title like a gold sheriff badge. I wasn’t just a girl- I was a tomboy. I fell into a boy friend group early on. My best friends were two boys we’ll call “Stanley” and “Dean”. (Fakes names for privacy) and we remained best friends for about 11 years.

When I got to about year 5, a girl I was friends with asked me my sexuality. At that point, I’d never really thought about it, I just knew I didn’t want a boyfriend. I said,
“I dunno, I guess I could date anyone.”
Retelling this story later to one of my sisters, she told me that was called “Pansexual”. And that was my first queer label. I was a pansexual tomboy.
A year later my denial about men caught up with me, and I came out as gay.

From then on, I was gay. Always gay. Never lesbian. I didn’t like the title of lesbian. It made me uncomfortable, like a lot of other titles actually: sister, daughter, “deadname”, girl,
In fact, it kinda hurt whenever someone said on of those things to me. Like I was walking and suddenly felt a rock in my shoe. I brushed it off. Ignored it.

Year 8, I had a girlfriend. Not my first. She was a lesbian. I was gay. We never had any REAL feelings for each other, we were young. But watching episodes of doctor who together was fun. One would typically be disappointed in having a relationship with no romantic feelings but it did make it easier for a conversation we had about halfway through…

I told her one day,
“I… think I might be a boy.”
She was completely supportive. Honestly just a really nice person. Over the next few months, I was awake to ungodly hours contemplating and thinking of what my gender could be.

Am I a boy? That feels so…intense. A lot of commitment. But “girl” hurts. Am I non binary? I mean, I can still relate to being a boy. I want to be included. But I don’t want to miss out on all the girl stuff…
And that repeated for a while. I knew of the term “bigender”. But I avoided it, thought people would take me less seriously. Eventually though, it caught up with me. I was bigender. Half boy half girl.
And I had a new name. A name that I really love to hear people say.

But that’s not the end of the story.

After I came out, my friendship with Stanley and Dean fell through. Not because I was trans or anything. We just grew apart. And for the first time, I was not in a group. I actually joined a group of girls.
It wasn’t great, but thats a different story.

I learnt from coming out to finishing school, that no matter how hard I try and conform to social rules regarding gender. I will never be viewed as a man. Only queer. Only female. Only other.
Rough experience. But it did give me a strength.
Through this realisation, I began to comfortable fall back into some femininity. Once I was secure in my own manhood and masculinity I was free to play with my gender however I wanted. Drag became a small interest, trying out make up and nail polish and skirts. My friend from year 5 is now my best friend and I love her so much. And I haven’t been too deterred from my masculinity either. I love playing sports and heavy lifting, barbecuing and wearing my boxers.

I am (rather) comfortable and at peace with both sides of my gender. Sometimes I am not: sometimes I feel emasculated. Less of a man. Sometimes I feel unworthy of being a woman. But when it’s going right, it’s like my womanhood and manhood are moving in perfect rhythm of each other, and it is very peaceful.

Thanks for reading my story.