Questioning if I'm agender.
Hi all! Pretty much just what it says in the title. I'm amab and for the past year or so I've been questioning my gender on and off. Nothing I've looked into has felt right, and whenever I actually try and consider my gender identity I just get nothing. This week I learned what being agender meant, and I just had this "oh shit is that what that is??"moment. The more I read the more it seemed to contextualize a lot of stuff from both my childhood and adult life, like how I've always felt like I lacked some fundamental quality everyone else had, and how I feel uncomfortable with men a lot of the time because I feel the need to play up my masculine side and low-key get imposter syndrome.
That being said, I've also heard that cishet men often don't really consider their gender identity because societally that's more or less the default, so I also question if I just can't see that part of myself because I've never been challenged to look. I'm also neurodivergent, so for all I know the way I feel about people could be for any number of different reasons.
So yeah, I'm here asking for help on this because I'm genuinely struggling to figure this out about myself and that bugs the hell out of me. I'm comfortable with he/him pronouns, and I present myself in a generally masculine way; to me it just feels like clothing I wear, it's what I put on to go out in public, and I generally think it looks good on me, but has nothing to do with who I am.
I guess what I want to ask is how you all definitively realized you were agender, and what your perspective is going through life as an agender person. I don't think I'm going to get any further with googling, and I'm genuinely curious to hear your experiences.