r/genderqueer

Do most cis people notice an inner voice telling them they're their assigned gender? If they don't, maybe I'm in the majority. If they do, I'm pondering something many people don't.

My gender feels like an external thing, not an internal identity. I'm still technically male because society decided I am, but I just don't feel a string connection to it. So I think if I suddenly found myself in a woman's body, and everyone suddenly perceived me as a woman, it wouldn't feel wrong, I'd still feel like me.

I do care about people who know me seeing me as my assigned gender, but if a stranger I won't run into again misgendered me, that would maybe feel fine to me. Or if I was on an online forum or MMORPG or something, it could be fun presenting myself as female if no one knows I’m actually a dude.

Even though I don't feel like I'm a different gender than my assigned gender, being able to not present as my assigned gender feels…good.

Do most cis people feel this way?  I’m not so sure they do.  But feeling a sense of freedom being able to present as a different gender-while not feeling like you are a different gender-might just be gender non-conformity, which is not the same thing as gender identity.

I'm sure most people know gender is a set of ideas society created, but can still feel an internal sense of being a certain gender.  But for me, the knowledge that gender is a set of ideas means I can’t feel an internal sense of being a certain gender.

I know “not feeling an internal sense of being a certain gender” is the textbook definition of agender, but the agender label just feels wrong, even if it might technically be accurate.

I've found some other labels I connect with. Gender-apathetic means not caring about your gender identity or how others gender you. Which is partially correct. I feel like my gender makes no difference, and I'm okay with total strangers not seeing me as male. Cassgender-thinking your gender identity isn't important (yes) and feeling indifferent to the concept of gender identity (also yes). And quoigender basically means you don’t really feel like you can apply the concept of gender identity to yourself.  That’s essentially what I said at the start here.

But I don't want to put a label on it. All people need to know is that I have a different perspective on gender than most people. And that lack of an internal gender sense doesn't affect my life at all, so it doesn't feel worth thinking about.

Exploring my gender identity felt like creating a new problem by trying to solve one I don’t have.  I was and still am perfectly fine with identifying as cisgender.  I’m not sure why I cared so much in the first place.

Lots of people with similar feelings as mine identify with the queer community. But even though I'm also aroace, I just don't feel queer at all.

Hi everyone. This post has been a long time in the making, and it's more of a rant and a vent than anything else. This is a wall of text, but I sincerely can't offer a TLDR beyond what is already in the title.

First, I want to start with my labels. This only covers my gender identity, check my flair for my sexuality, but the most relevant part is that I'm bi, aro-spec and ace spec. I'm a cis demiguy (Mostly man, with the rest being gendervoid). I understand gendervoid as a type of agender, where someone feels not only that their gender is "nothing", but also feels that lack of gender as something that is missing. I guess it would be something similar to phantom limb syndrome, but for gender, though since I am not missing any limbs, I can't really compare.

In my case, I sort of feel like a man, except that I've always felt different. I have always been a big nerd, the kind that spent his time with their nose in a book as opposed to playing sports during school recesses. I was always disconnected from what most kids my age were into. For that, I was bullied (in the 80s-90s, before bullying entered most people's vocabularies). I also never had crushes. Sure, I liked girls in the abstract.

All my life, I've felt a general unease about my masculinity. It resulted into myself having low self esteem (which has lead to depression multiple times), that turned into rage is anyone ever told me to "man up" or "be a man". I always felt like I was a failure of a man, like I was damaged goods, like I was half baked, and I reacted to people questioning that with obvious outrage. While I was reading on my bisexuality, I ended up learning about the ace and aro spectra. While reading on those, I ended up learning about agender, and from there, demigenders and the gendervoid identity. Finally, I started reading about the trans experiences to be a better trans ally, and things started clicking. Things were too similar to what I felt for comfort.

I eventually accepted what my initial impressions meant. I do have gender dysphoria. I always considered myself cis, I am AMAB and I kinda feel like I am a man, yet here I am, sharing experiences with trans people. However, thinking about it clearly, "man" is an ill fitting off the shelf suit that I put on every day. It has the right general shape, and looks close enough to the real thing, but it constrains in ways that are hard to see from the outside, and at the same time fails to provide support to parts of me that need it. At the same time, claiming the trans identity for myself feels like stolen valor. I'm privileged. I live in a large coastal city in Spain, one of the most queer friendly countries in the world (depending on what criteria you use, and on how you weight them, it goes up and down, but remains in the top 5). I have a family that supports me. I can "pretend" to be normal to blend in. Yet at the same time, learning that I was not broken, that while my exact case is probably unique, my experience is shared by many, that gave me gender euphoria and seriously helped with my mental health.

So, now, I ask, should I drop the cis label? I only feel one gender and it matches my AGAB. Should I embrace the trans label? People will get the wrong impression if I do, and I'm in a way better situation as compared to most trans people. I've been reading and I think I might have male hypogonadism, it fits many of the symptoms I experience. The treatment for it is HRT/testosterone. Should I check with my doctor? I'm lucky enough that if the bloodwork confirms my non-medical diagnosis, I would probably get the treatment covered by the Spanish healthcare system. Even if I don't have hypogonadism, I might be able to access HRT through the same channels as trans people use. However, again, I don't know if I should take that route. I know that I'm not stealing HRT from transmasc individuals, but it still feels wrong. Also, I'm not sure if I actually want T. This is probably trauma speaking, but I have a deadly allergy to toxic masculinity, and well, that and high T are linked in my brain. I also know that none of you are doctors and even if you were, you're not my doctor. I don't know why I'm asking you, but I guess I just want to scream into the void and maybe have random internet strangers listen to me and give me moral support.

To those that read up to here, thank you. To those that didn't, I know, it's a large wall of text and who does have the time to listen to a man having a mid-life crisis.

Hey all! I recently started Testosterone, and was using an injection but switched over to the Gel as I was having consistent issues with needles.

I was prescribed 5g tubes at 50mg T, and used it for the first time this morning.

I was expecting like a pea sized amount but oh my god....5 grams is a LOT of gel to be putting on at once. I double checked the prescription and the instructions and it all makes sense - I was just wondering how this actually works??? (My doctor is nearly useless)

Like I spread as thin of a layer as I could across my thigh, but even going like groin to knee and top of thigh to back it took a minute to really rub in. Washed my hands thoroughly and wiped down the counter but am still feeling a little overwhelmed.

Just wanted to see if anyone else on the gel had some experience/advice they could share? Do I need to be spreading it SO thin, or should I pick a better area? Luckily it absorbs fast and basically disappears, but dang it was....blugh lol

So for the context I initially identified as cis gay men, in recent years only I started to identify as genderqueer/genderfluid person..... and while I don't face any kind of body related dysphoria so far in my life, I have recognized the pattern over the course of years, I don't feel connected to every male/masculine looking person....while I feel connected to some of the men, whom I find comparatively softer in terms of appearance....I don't usually feel connected to those men whom I find very masculine looking....and it can even arrive if they are heavy in terms of weight, more tall.... and I feel it really has hampered my social life, my professional life, as there are many men with whom I don't feel connected at all, even though they behave well with me.... their look, their face really disctracts/itches me....I just don't want connect with them or even face them.... but since we are bound to face every kind of person in our social/ professional life it is really affecting my life and my confidence....

So I just want to ask does anyone else face this kind of dysphoria which derives from people's look? And like how they tackle it???

So, for a long time, I've identified as a trans man. I'm a notable ways into my medical transition and happier with my body than ever. But this summer, I opened up the can of worms I've been avoiding for a hot minute: Am I As Binary As I Thought? I find joy in androgyny, I don't connect with manhood in the same way as some other folks, but I also don't relate to being completely nonbinary, or relate to being a woman at all.
The answer? Long story short: For the most part, but there's more complexity there than I've been willing to acknowledge thus far.
I've believed for a while that gender's a spectrum, but I finally had my It's Always Sunny 'Oh my god, I get it' moment. Me and my friends are gonna do a presentation night today, and I was polishing up mine on the complexities of taxonomy and how it can be messy sometimes. I recall my biology professors talking about how "People like to put things in neat little boxes. But the more you learn, the more you know that's not always the case in reality."
And then it hit me: I'm a man the same way some transitional species, like Archaeopteryx, are their phylums: for all intents and purposes, that's basically the case, but if you really wanna dig into it, it's more complex than that.
I still consider myself a man, a guy, a dude. I use he/him. But in the way that "fish" is an informal group, not a phylum. I've found I really connect with the genderqueer term and it makes me feel much more secure to accept the grey area, complexity and androgyny in who I am, rather than let it be an itch in the back of my head. It's a huge relief and it feels great to finally have the language to describe it.
So yeah, I'd call myself a "genderqueer man." I don't really post personal things like this hardly anywhere, but I thought this perspective was helpful enough for me to figure out that somebody else might benefit from reading it.

I think the title is pretty self explanatory, but I'll offer some context for the situation. I grew up in a household with pretty limited interest or downright apathy for my world. What I liked or didn't like, who I was, it didn’t matter, the most I got was a "cool" or a "that's nice," unless it was something that they had a great interest in too. We can get along on shared passions fine, but when something isn't shared, there's distance, apathy, and in this case, unfortunately, downright rejection. I was raised Mormon, specifically Utah Mormon, and my family is still deeply entrenched in that religion, it's beliefs and practices, especially my older sister. When I came out to each of my immediate family members, they all had different responses: My brother didn't care, he already knew I was queer and is cool with it, my little sister was respectful, my mom said she didn’t care what I am and that she loves me no matter what, my older sister didn't say a word when I told her, and my dad was confused until I explained and then he was just happy that I felt comfortable telling him. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that the majority of my family was some level of chill, but, besides my dad, there were no questions about my identity. No clarification on terms, no interest in what it means to me to categorize myself this way. Not to mention the refusal to use they/them pronouns from everyone besides my brother.

The thing that kind of sparked my desperate need to feel like I'm not going nuts was a talk I had with my older sister the other day. I was sharing something about the lgbt community that I was really excited about and found interesting, and she shut down so hard, got aggravated and didn't want to discuss it. She said that she has a lot of strong opinions and that ahe doesn't want to discuss lgbtq+ topics with me because she knows that we don't agree on them and openly stated that she thinks that trans people are the gender that matches their sex assigned at birth (not the first time she's said this kind of thing), and a lot of other things that just paint lgbt people as attention seeking and delusional, all while saying that she didn’t want to discuss it because she didn’t wanna get into a fight about it. I told her I was more than willing to have a civil conversation, and I invited her to ask me questions at any time, cuz these days especially I got nothin but time. I wanted her to ask me questions, accept the offer of resources that I specifically gathered to help explain my world. I didn’t want just her to ask too, I wanted my entire family to know about me, who I am, and truly understand what it means, but there have been no bites, and I don't know if there ever will be, given how vehemently my sister said that she disagrees with the existence of trans and nonbinary people, and how she's not open to me trying to "change her mind about it" as she put it. I can’t say I'm shocked at her response, but I am disappointed and upset. And that convo got me thinking about my other family members, how little they asked, how little they want to know, how much they are entrenched in not just religion, but far right ideology and how little most of them respect me as a person, certainly not enough to use the correct pronouns for me. I just want to feel like they care and yeah, maybe I do wanna change their minds, because I want to feel like they respect me, know me, and truly accept me for all that I am. Nonchalant responses are great, and they are always held up to be the best standard for what others reactions to your coming out should be like, but it's different I guess when you experience it and it just feels like dismissal dressed up in a nonchalant trench coat.

Sorry for the rant, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest. I genuinely do wanna know tho if my feelings about this are valid or if I'm just nuts for being so hurt.

I've been trying to figure it out for years and for a few months now I've been REALLY trying instead of just avoiding it with a little research and name ideas here and there

I dont really like having boobs but I don't mind them since they are a decent size (if I wear a tight sports bra and oversized shirt they are basically invisible), I'm okay with having female reproductive parts down there and I even think I'd rather have female than the male reproductive part. when I dress feminine I feel like a boy in "girls" clothes and when I dress masculine I feel like a girl(?) in "boys" clothes. I also don't like my name very much because it's pretty feminine, so I usually go by nicknames from my name instead.

I often find myself wishing I was born intersex, specifically female reproductive part but no boobs and a slightly more masculine figure than I have now (and honestly no uterus would be nice too), my face is already pretty androgynous. I usually just tell people I'm close with that I'm "somewhere under the non binary umbrella" which could definitely be true

I have some friends I've been thinking of talking about this to, one of them is non binary and the other is trans. I've talked to one of them about this before multiple times when asked about my pronouns/what I'm comfortable with/etc but I always brush it off with "I'm just somewhere under the nb umbrella" "use whatever terms and pronouns you want" because I'm just so confused and unsure

that friend that I've talked about this with a bit sometimes says things like "you look handsome" or "you'd look good as a guy" to me and like it idk what that could mean about my gender but I like it

any ideas on what could help me figure it out?

(open to any questions)