u/Bugs_Enby

I think the title is pretty self explanatory, but I'll offer some context for the situation. I grew up in a household with pretty limited interest or downright apathy for my world. What I liked or didn't like, who I was, it didn’t matter, the most I got was a "cool" or a "that's nice," unless it was something that they had a great interest in too. We can get along on shared passions fine, but when something isn't shared, there's distance, apathy, and in this case, unfortunately, downright rejection. I was raised Mormon, specifically Utah Mormon, and my family is still deeply entrenched in that religion, it's beliefs and practices, especially my older sister. When I came out to each of my immediate family members, they all had different responses: My brother didn't care, he already knew I was queer and is cool with it, my little sister was respectful, my mom said she didn’t care what I am and that she loves me no matter what, my older sister didn't say a word when I told her, and my dad was confused until I explained and then he was just happy that I felt comfortable telling him. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad that the majority of my family was some level of chill, but, besides my dad, there were no questions about my identity. No clarification on terms, no interest in what it means to me to categorize myself this way. Not to mention the refusal to use they/them pronouns from everyone besides my brother.

The thing that kind of sparked my desperate need to feel like I'm not going nuts was a talk I had with my older sister the other day. I was sharing something about the lgbt community that I was really excited about and found interesting, and she shut down so hard, got aggravated and didn't want to discuss it. She said that she has a lot of strong opinions and that ahe doesn't want to discuss lgbtq+ topics with me because she knows that we don't agree on them and openly stated that she thinks that trans people are the gender that matches their sex assigned at birth (not the first time she's said this kind of thing), and a lot of other things that just paint lgbt people as attention seeking and delusional, all while saying that she didn’t want to discuss it because she didn’t wanna get into a fight about it. I told her I was more than willing to have a civil conversation, and I invited her to ask me questions at any time, cuz these days especially I got nothin but time. I wanted her to ask me questions, accept the offer of resources that I specifically gathered to help explain my world. I didn’t want just her to ask too, I wanted my entire family to know about me, who I am, and truly understand what it means, but there have been no bites, and I don't know if there ever will be, given how vehemently my sister said that she disagrees with the existence of trans and nonbinary people, and how she's not open to me trying to "change her mind about it" as she put it. I can’t say I'm shocked at her response, but I am disappointed and upset. And that convo got me thinking about my other family members, how little they asked, how little they want to know, how much they are entrenched in not just religion, but far right ideology and how little most of them respect me as a person, certainly not enough to use the correct pronouns for me. I just want to feel like they care and yeah, maybe I do wanna change their minds, because I want to feel like they respect me, know me, and truly accept me for all that I am. Nonchalant responses are great, and they are always held up to be the best standard for what others reactions to your coming out should be like, but it's different I guess when you experience it and it just feels like dismissal dressed up in a nonchalant trench coat.

Sorry for the rant, I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest. I genuinely do wanna know tho if my feelings about this are valid or if I'm just nuts for being so hurt.