r/AuPairHostFamilyLife

Hi fellow au pair host families !
Perhaps stupid/ base question.. but I will start the search for our now 4th au pair and we want her to have a European passport this time to avoid all the visa hassle.

My friends always have Spanish girls and they are truly amazing.. I was flabbergasted when I hear how they interact with the kids, what suggestions and ideas they come up with and how easily they blend into the family. Such a difference than the 2 Asian girls we had ( they were lovely in their own way but our kids are getting older now and don’t like the au pair so much..)

I tried searching myself on some platforms but it’s very difficult to find a serious candidate that does not end up ghosting me. So I decided to put some money down and pay an agency to find my match. Do you have experiences with agencies in Europe/ Netherlands and which one would you recommend to find my EU au pair? How should I pick?

Thanks!

Hi everyone, I’m writing this post to seek advice and insights from former/current Au Pairs and anyone experienced with US J-1 visa and agency procedures.
I’m currently navigating a complicated situation regarding my DS-2019 status and visa re-application, and I would really appreciate your guidance on the best way forward.
Current Situation Overview:
My profile is currently on hold/affected following a visa refusal and the subsequent cancellation/invalidation of my DS-2019 by my current sponsor agency.
I am weighing two options: strongly advocating (with host family support) to have the current agency reopen/reissue my DS-2019, or starting fresh by switching to a different designated sponsor agency (e.g., Cultural Care, Au Pair in America, EurAupair, etc.).
Key Questions I Need Advice On:
DS-2019 Reissuance: Has anyone successfully had their DS-2019 reinstated or reissued by an agency after a visa refusal? How much leverage or direct intervention from the host family is typically needed to make this happen?
Switching Sponsor Agencies: If my current agency refuses to support a second attempt, how smooth is the process of moving to another designated sponsor? Does a previous cancellation or agency switch negatively impact a new application or SEVIS record?
Visa Re-application Strategy: For those who were refused on their first attempt and approved on their second, what key adjustments did you make to your profile, ties, or interview answers to turn the outcome around?
Any realistic advice, personal experiences, or tips would mean a lot to me right now. Thank you so much for your support!

I’m a host mom, and my au pair has been with my family for almost two months. My baby is currently five months old and naps about six hours a day, so my au pair is actually with her for around three hours a day. She is still drinking milk, so there isn’t any heavy cooking or anything like that involved.
My au pair and I are originally from the same country. I’ve been living in the U.S. for almost 12 years. I’m 30, and she is 27.
When she first arrived, I was really excited—not only because I was nervous about putting my first baby in daycare, but also because I was excited to have someone to talk to. I had been home by myself since giving birth, and now I work from home, so it can feel pretty lonely. One of the main reasons I wanted an au pair was the cultural exchange and the idea of treating her like part of the family. I really wanted her to feel included and comfortable in our home.
My au pair is a rematch. She had already completed one year with another family (I believe it was a single mom), then matched with another family for about two weeks before leaving because of an issue involving one of the children. She then came to us.
During our video calls, she was very talkative, but she didn’t have much time left to find a new match, so we moved pretty quickly. During her first week with us, she wasn’t very talkative at all. As an immigrant myself, I understood that she might be terrified of being in someone else’s home, living with strangers, and adjusting to a completely new environment. I tried several times to start conversations, but she would usually give me very short answers.
During her first week, she went out with some other au pairs in the area. I asked her where she had gone, simply because I was trying to make conversation. However, she gave me a very short answer and seemed almost annoyed by the question. After that, I stopped asking.
On weekends, my family usually goes out to lunch at restaurants, so I would invite her to come with us. She always declined, saying she already had plans to go out with friends. Eventually, I stopped asking.
One day, we actually had a really good conversation about food from our home country. I thought, “Okay, maybe I just need to talk about things from back home.” Since we are only three years apart in age, I asked her about some TV shows, food, and other things that I consider pretty common or well-known in our country. However, she often told me she had no idea what I was talking about, and sometimes her reaction made me feel like she thought I was being silly for asking.
My husband has noticed this dynamic as well. He thinks she sometimes acts as though she is better than me. He has visited my home country many times and is familiar with our traditions, so he finds it strange that she doesn’t seem to know some of the things I’m talking about, especially considering that there is only a three-year age difference between us.
At first, I thought maybe she was just shy. But when I work from home, I can sometimes hear her talking on the phone, and she uses a completely different tone of voice. She sounds very outgoing and comfortable, which made me wonder if she is actually shy around me or if she simply doesn’t want to talk to me.
The other issue—and the main reason I’m posting—is something I’ve recently started noticing about the way she dresses at home.
During the week, when she is taking care of the baby, she dresses similarly to how I dress: hoodies, regular T-shirts, sweatpants, etc. But on weekends, when my husband is home, she sometimes comes downstairs wearing pajamas, very short shorts, or small tank tops. At first, I thought the clothes were a little too revealing, but I also told myself that it was the weekend, she was technically off, and she was in her own home. I’m also someone who believes women should be able to dress however they want and shouldn’t feel like they have to restrict what they wear because of men.
However, this weekend my mother-in-law came to visit, and my au pair was wearing a very short dress. At one point, I went upstairs to take a shower, leaving my mother-in-law, husband, and au pair in the living room.
Afterward, my husband and I went to lunch with my mother-in-law, and she brought up the au pair’s behavior. She said she thought the dress was inappropriate and also felt that, while I was upstairs, the au pair was constantly leaning toward my husband. She also said that at one point the au pair was sitting in a dining room chair with her legs open enough that she could see her underwear.
I honestly don’t know how much of this is simply my mother-in-law being a 60-year-old woman with a different perspective on clothing and how much of it was actually inappropriate behavior. My husband said he didn’t really notice anything because he was focused on the baby and wasn’t paying attention to the au pair.
But now I’m wondering if I should be paying more attention.
Another thing that has been bothering me is that lately I feel like she sometimes makes fun of me. I speak a lot of Spanglish because my husband speaks both languages, and since I mostly speak English at work, my Spanish has gotten a little rusty. Sometimes when I pronounce something incorrectly in Spanish, she laughs a little.
She has also laughed about my car being disorganized or when I forget something. These things might seem small, but together they make me feel like she is judging me or looking down on me. I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to make her feel bad or create unnecessary tension.
At the same time, I feel like she is starting to make me feel bad in my own home.
The difficult part is that she is GREAT with my baby. She does an excellent job taking care of her, and I have no concerns about the quality of care she provides. That is what makes this situation so difficult.
I don’t know whether I’m overthinking everything, whether there is a cultural or generational difference here, or whether there are actually red flags that I shouldn’t ignore.
I also don’t know if I should consider a rematch. I’ve already had a terrible experience with a teenage babysitter, and daycare is not an option for me, so I really don’t want to lose someone who is great with my baby unless there is a legitimate reason to do so.
What would you do in my situation? Would you address these things directly with her, especially the comments and the way she dresses around my husband, or would you let it go as long as she continues to do a great job with the baby?

We're considering to be a host family in the US (DC metropolitan area) but not sure which agency to use...

Any agency recommendations and any agency to avoid in particular? Thank you!

Additional advices also appreciated :)