I present to you what I call the "The Garst Ghastlies"
Now that this builder/developer is on his last lot, I feel the need to document his crimes.
There is a strip of road that a small-time builder/developer in my city acquired sometime in the mid-2010s. This builder/developer divided it into lots and slowly started building homes. This is their story. The exteriors are presented in chronological order.
2014 - not so bad, questionable use of materials, but this was probably a bought plan that they put a little "sparkle" on with the stonework. Not sure about the gable return, but OK.
2015 - um, what in the superfluous gable is happening here with this porch!? And the scale of the primary porch gable to the house and the tiny columns is at best questionable. (This will become a signature!) Still testing out ye ol' gable return, but with less success!
2021 - experiments in windows. I cannot explain how almost brutalist this house is in person. The photo doesn't quite capture the scale of all the aspects correctly. The windows are small, the gray expansive and flat. The garage portion is also much larger than the left-hand side.
2026 "1" - Worrying about proper scale is for LOSERS! Don't worry about scale of any sort. Scale of porch to house. Scale of porch gable to literally anything. Scale of tiny little stick legs, I mean columns holding up Capt. Beefcake the Porch. Also, don't worry about placement of things. Place that door BARELY under the porch roof. Just center that second-story window without regard to anything else happening around it. Bring back the gable return as a full return on the primary structure. Oh, and we are back putting a little sparkle in with stone corners!
2026 "2" - the culmination of our builder/developer's life work (and the last lot on this stretch of land). We have Capt. Beefcake the Porch's brother, Lt. Chonky the Porch, with almost invisible undersized columns holding it up. Oh, and the 2nd-story window is again centered with no regard to its surroundings. AND look! TINY little jail cell windows! A little new detail on Lt. Chonky with some sort of trim action there at the bottom. Capped off with a little bit of that stone corner sparkle, and it's a winner for sure!