r/BreakupBackup

I don’t think anyone is gonna see this because Reddit is gonna say smth like “this post was removed by reddits filters and if it does get removed I’ll just vent to chat gpt or something.

For context she’s neurodivergent

I don’t know if anyone is gonna see this or if anyone is gonna notice this at all but I just need a place to write my thoughts down, sorry if any of the grammar doesn’t make sense or it’s bad I’m sobbing rn. We broke up just tonight on “good terms,” we were just supposed to be “really good friends” but it hurts so much because it only happened because of her being scared of being hurt in the future because some future interests didn’t align, (it was about s-xual romance and children) and no matter how hard I tried to make it work out she always said “I’d rather get hurt now than later.”

I tried so hard to think of compromises, I told her “maybe we could try once in the future,” I told her multiple times that we weren’t at the time to talk about s-xual relations, I told her not to put our relationship on the line over something that doesn’t affect us for years, but she didn’t listen. She was so focused on fixing the problem then and there. This went on for about 3 weeks. Talks about the future, if our future was going to work out or not, what we wanted, what were our needs in a relationship, and every time we went to those topics it went like shit.

I had to fight for our relationship and desperately convince her not to break up with me over it. And she did anyways. We agreed to be platonic but they got lost between the barrier of “really good friends” and being platonic with each other. And after all that hurt I’m just supposed to call her a friend now after everything she meant to me, after everything I’ve tried and everything I’ve done, it hurts more than I could ever describe.

What’s worse is that she’s almost broke up with me once before, because she felt “pressured” and she pushes people away when she does. Not even minutes after the original breakup she asked me if she could “take back what she said.” I loved her so much so I decided to humour her and we got back together. I should’ve called it quits there, I should’ve listened to my hb who told me she was too risky and there were many opportunities for her to break up with me but I didn’t. I can’t count how many times she’s said I’d be the one breaking up with her, or I’d be the one loosing interest.

After the fake breakup nearly every important conversation we’ve had unwillingly ended with more bad in our relationship than good, it always went to the topic of our future life, and caused strain and stress. It felt like walking on eggshells whenever I talked to her. For the past week I’ve been stressed and tired because of this and I looked like I was going through a middle age crisis (according to my hb) and even he could tell that I’ve been a lot more weighed down after the fake breakup.

We only ended on good terms because I didn’t want to make things harder on her, in the end my final act as her boyfriend was to make breaking up easier for her and to not make her struggle with abandonment.

I (23M) was dating a 21F coworker and I’m really struggling to understand the breakup and the situation leading up to it. I’m trying to stay as objective as possible and get outside perspective.

We met in October at Taco Bell where she transferred to where i worked. In December she became a manager at the same job. We started talking around October, and by February she had asked me out and told me she loved me. (She was very big on saying I love you)

Some background on her: she was emancipated at 15, very independent, got her own car, and has been very self-sufficient.

From February, things felt good between us. We were close and officially started dating.

In March, things started changing. She found old pictures of my ex on my phone that I had forgotten to delete (I thought I had already deleted them before we even met, I Burned n fully deleted my ex-picture from my phone before meeting her, so it was shocking to see them). She woke me up a 5am and sent me home. (she went to friends and co-workers, and they said that she was in the wrong, there old pictures not new and that she did too much) Same day at night, there was also an incident where she invited a guy over on a walk who had bullied her in the past to smoke. he knew about our relationship and had even asked about me in messages but ignored it and proceed to go forward, but she didn’t really acknowledge that concern and thought she fully deleted the messages deleting messages from that situation. I found out and almost left said she cheated (emotionally because she talked about me to him and that she tried to hide it). but i forgave her. I then brought it up 2-3 times and she said that wasn't fair cause i forgave her which was true so i never did again.

Around late March, A new GM came in and got 3 new employees and my work hours dropped significantly (from around 36 hours to 1 days / ~7 hours). I worked there for 2 years. I started looking for another job and I had an interview coming up.

On April 12th, we had a serious talk about things she didn’t like in the relationship and the 1 day i told her i got interviews lined up and one on the April 26th. I made changes based on that conversation, and she even told me I was doing a good job up until around April 22–24.

During that time, I also helped her while she was sick for about 10 days (throwing up from alcohol and had THC in her system, etc.). She was very unwell from around April 24 to May 4 i took care of her stayed up made sure she took the right meds, even drove 20-30 mins to CVS to get her meds and drove 5 times to the hospital. I did call her selfish after the 5 times cause the doctor and I said she wasn't allowed to eat anything that's greasy, oily, and she made bacon which she told me she wouldn't eat, then she ate it and started throwing up, She promised and even took my coworkers Chris shift, he has two jobs and was hanging out with his girlfriend, and had to go back, I did apologize and she did too.

After she got better on the 5th and on that period, we had a fight/ talk about me going home. I was sent home until i get another job and we had some distance. I also struggled with money, gas, and my car situation (I drive a GR86 and was trying to reduce expenses and trying trade it for something more affordable so I could help with rent more consistently).

There were also situations where I was told to ask a coworker/roommate for a car, but I felt uncomfortable with how things were happening and ended up not going through with it.

On May 6–7, we spent time together again. On the 6th I came over, walked her dog, and brought dog food. On the 7th we went shopping for her interview outfits. We acted normal—shopping, trying clothes, I helped her choose outfits, paid for some items, and we spent the day together. It felt okay at the time.

However, shortly after that, before my interview, she broke up with me and said she wanted to see other people and how she can't wait and me, and how she has to tell me what to do like a mother.

I did get a job about 30 minutes after that happened.

After the breakup, we still hugged and kissed when I got my things.

When i came home with her with my stuff she told me things like I was “too invested in her and not myself,” that she needs space, and that 1 month isn’t enough time for her since she is mad disappointed and sad at me. She said that "I can see you in the future along as i improved myself" and that i ask how will she know if i improved since she blocking me on everything but iMessage's, she said word to mouth, or if my name gets brunt up from friends, my friends at work, She also said she will only contact me when she is ready, and that I shouldn’t contact her friends or coworkers or it will make things worse. I also ask when she made up her mind because Thursday and Friday, we were good she said Friday at ross cause how i was, and i sad i was just scared or messing up, i did talk to her we did hold hands and i did choose an outfit

She also downloaded Tinder shortly after the breakup and went on a date on Sunday that apparently went badly, and now says she wants to focus on herself, and self-reflect.

Right now, I’m confused because:

• We had good moments even shortly before the breakup
• I tried to adjust when she brought up issues
• She still sometimes communicated after setting boundaries
• But she also quickly moved toward dating again and asked for space
• Also, i texted her 19 hours ago and still on delivered now idk if I'm blocked or not
• Friend texted me saying once i think I'm at a good point, she could tell her or bring me up

I’m trying to understand if I genuinely messed things up, if she had already emotionally checked out, or if this is just a normal breakup situation where things fade differently for each person. Also, i know i failed not getting a job sooner.

I’m not trying to bash her—I just want honest perspective on what this looks like from the outside.

Also do you think she will come back if i improve? And do you think i should have her come back?

If anyone has insight, I’d appreciate it.

I was in a relationship with a girl who told me she loved me. I gave her everything — my time, my money, my full attention. I was loyal and consistent.

But she kept accepting other guys’ follow requests even after I told her I didn’t like it. She was hot and cold with me for months. She would send me love reels but never really commit.

When I asked her directly if she had someone else she said yes. But I think she just used that as an easy exit because I gave her the option.

She blocked me from her personal account and changed her username so I couldn’t find her. Then she told me she hates me, called me selfish and manipulative — after everything I did for her.

This happened before too. She blocked me and came back. Twice.

I know it’s over. I went to the gym at midnight last night because I had nowhere else to put the pain. But I keep checking her profile and I can’t stop thinking about her.

How do I actually move on from someone who never really valued me? And how do I stop being so available next time?