Need help with relationship advice (I have BPD)
I’m new to Reddit and posting this in a local place. I have BPD and I’m 29 years old. I’ve gone untreated for years and struggle staying consistent in treatment due to fear. I’ve also been in a relationship for 5 years and I’ve done some damaging things to the relationship as far as over depending on her to pick up the pieces or treating her as my therapist, it has gotten to the point where she said she is taking a break from the relationship. We still live together but do nothing romantically. It’s been 5 months and I know with BPD it amplifies everything but the amount of love I have for her is unlike anything I’ve ever felt or experienced and that not just my mind speaking I’ve recently been in therapy and on my meds and start behavior therapy soon so I’m starting to see very clear but all I see is her still. She says she loves me and doesn’t want to let me go but is in a burnt out exhausted phases and says she doesn’t know. I know one of our biggest triggers is fear of abandonment and rejection and I’m living through it every day. I need help. And no I don’t want to separate. I do want her but she wants a calm version of me but I’m struggling trying to contain this love and feelings to not pressure her but my mind try’s to connect all these random dots.