Am I just gaslighting myself?
So, recently, I've discovered I was aroace after thinking I was simply apothisexual. I think I may experience alterous attraction-but I honestly can't tell, as I've spent my whole life believing what I felt was romantic. Pet names, flirting, and kissing (on the mouth) have always weirded/grossed me out, but I don't know if that's just due to these things also having sexual undertones and my dislike of these things are due to sex repulsion (even if I'm sure they didn't mean it in a sexual way). I know everyone experiences alterous attraction differently, but since I've started questioning whether or not I was aromantic, I've always just felt that my version of alterous attraction was just repressed romantic feelings, and that I've just been lying to myself this whole time. However, I've never really been able to relate to alloromantic experiences with crushes, and romantic gestures just felt unnecessary, so I'm just unsure if I have a very weird version of romance, or if my brain is just mean to me and this is actually alterous attraction.