r/Orientedaroace

i have a friend i have a very deep love for. i always thought it was alterous (with some sexual feelings) until this friend started expressing interest in someone else romantically, and i found myself feeling surprisingly jealous of the two of them whenever all of us would hang out together or whenever my friend would talk about their crush on this other person. it made me sad and i would often cry bc i wanted it to be me - i wanted them to see me and like me the same way they saw and liked their crush, and i wanted to be able to do/say the same things to them that their crush was doing/saying (including things i’ve been wanting to express since before they even knew this other person). things didn’t end up working out between the two of them and when i found out i felt this immediate sense of relief, like i finally had a chance again

if they ever did find a partner i think i would feel shattered. but i’m not sure if this is stemming from romantic love or alterous love, or if jealousy in alterous love is even possible. all i know is that they mean so much to me that even if they did find a partner, i think i would still love them just as much as i do now and i would still want to be just as close, because not having them in my life would hurt a million times more. they are my person. they are home and family to me (and i to them - we’ve said this to each other many times) and i can’t imagine my life without them in it. i am so devoted to them and sometimes i feel like i just want to shower them with my love without needing them to love me back; but then when they do happen to have a crush on someone else, why is it that i suddenly feel jealous and protective?

has anyone else been in a similar situation before? does this sound like something that can happen in alterous love? or could this really be romantic love?

So yeah, I (f40+) frequent some subs considered radical (feminism) and sadly when I said in one that I was "technically straight, but also aroace, specifically aego, I'm got downvoted and someone even told me off, that it's impossible to be straight AND aroace, and that I was stealing the Ace labels and using them like a fad or something...

I feel very disheartened because I thought that group was more inclusive, and also because it took me a long time to find myself and finally find some labels that explain my personal experience.

Am I wrong for claiming to technically be "straight" as in, a woman who is technically attracted in some way to men, but also Ace? I use aego-sexuality/romantic because it's the one that fits me best, any fantasies I might have are in a heteronormative dynamic of a woman and a man, even when I have a disconnect between the "self" and the fantasy.

Maybe it was my mistake for using the word "straight" instead of "hetero" but I never thought it was a problem before, I felt it was the best way to describe my own self.

Is there a more socially acceptable way to describe myself? Or am I wrong for feeling this way and I'm not really Ace? I really feel I'm aego...