r/ShitMotherInLawsSay

My in laws visited when my son was just out of hospital for Jaundice (along with excessive weight loss), which was really scary for me. It must have been day 8 of his life.

It was horrible. Neither of them asked how I was or allowed me to speak about my experience.

MIL kept saying how small my son was, and that her babies had never been that small, and that my son was the smallest baby she had ever seen. She kept telling me her babies were big, 10 pounds. This made me feel ashamed like I had failed my son.

MIL kept telling stories of how she’s taken her kids to Canada and on other holidays and talking to my husband about his childhood. I welcomed being excluded from the conversation for a bit as it gave me a reprieve from being attacked.

When she held my son, she referred to her other son as his brother (rather than his uncle). This was really creepy.

When my husband or I mentioned anything about our son’s hospitalisation, MIL changed the topic. She did not ask a single follow up question to anything my husband said about our son’s hospitalisation.

She also gave me a present from a family friend and said “Why are MY friends sending YOU presents” really aggressively. I was so confused.

MIL kept telling me she couldn’t sell her mums cottage (who is now in a care home) and asking me if she should lower the price in an aggressive tone. This completely flummoxed me as I had no idea why it was happening. I had no idea why she wanted to discuss business and her experience of having small children rather than engage with her grandson on any level. It felt like she didn’t care about him very much at all. She didn’t ask how he was or say anything complimentary about him.

My husband cooked and MIL kept complimenting him for doing this as though I should have been doing it. For context, I was still recovering from my c section and there was no acknowledgment from either in law that this could be difficult.

The experience has stayed with me as I felt helpless, physically injured, psychologically vulnerable, and, after multiple additional similar incidents, my husband and I have agreed that I won’t be present during future visits.

I 29F and my partner 31M live with his dad and step mom in their mid 60s & mid 70s (gma & gpa) We have a 4 year old and we’ve all been sick with either covid or RSV all week. (Just us 3 sick not his parents) we live on separate levels but share kitchen. It’s been a rough week to say the least. Living in a multi generational home as of this year has also been.. rough.

Lots of issues already on advice not wanted, the ways we parent (which is a lot healthier than what they’re trying to push lol) and just general boundary issues. It’s been so much for me and honestly I just do my best to not let my little one get in the way of it all and protect her and my parenting style fiercely.

That creates problems for them… I ignore as much as I can and set firm boundaries and stand up for us regardless.

So little issue tonight- GMA and GPA come upstairs to kitchen and my little one is running around house while parter and I are in bedroom. She comes and asks me to make her spaghettios, I tell her when they go downstairs I will. Gpa ends up making her canned ravioli and portions it into 3 bowls for him gma and my daughter.

She says she doesn’t want that and kinda throws a mild tantrum. She hasn’t eaten much in a few days and she is a picky eater. I had just told her I will make her spaghettios. She’s fixated on that.

I offer lots of healthy options but lately it’s been spaghettios and Mac n cheese aside from fruit and vegetables. She’s in a picky stage we are trying to survive haha. I do all the cooking for our daughter as I know what she will eat and it’s just what works for us. Less food waste and she still gets a full belly.

I offer everything else too & if she eats it great, if not we will try again. I never make her feel like she is doing something ‘bad’.

He gets offended our 4 yr old doesn’t eat what he makes (lots of BBQ & meat).
I get annoyed with the comments of oh do you think she’ll be a vegetarian? In a weird tone. I was vegetarian for 8 yrs.

They try to convince me to let her starve more if she doesn’t eat what everyone else is having. I would never do that.

They are very negative towards her if she doesn’t follow their food rules.
I reinstate it’s not up to them. They even tried not allowing her to eat until she said ‘Amen’ to their pre meal prayer at 3 yrs old.

Her dad and I are not religious but we are respectful of their religious practices & I have stated she is not to be forced to participate if she doesn’t want. It’s just not something she needs to be pressured in at 3-4 years old before she can eat.

Anyways I go to the kitchen and start a can of spaghettios and gma gets snarky & says “you’re not seriously going to make her those?” I simply say yes I am & continue on. Gpa gets upset and throws all the 3 bowls of ravioli away mid eating and they storm downstairs.

I over hear him mad saying my kid is going to grow up spoiled and she’s a brat and the world is going to kick her ass, chew her up and spit her out.

Over raviolis -

It made my kid feel awful about herself and she said sorry to me and I reminded her she had nothing to feel bad about she’s been sick all week and if all she wanted was skettios than mama will make her some.

She didn’t even ask him for food to begin with. (They are constantly making meal time stressful for her and pushing old timey rules that I don’t align with and won’t allow for her). Yet they act offended and wronged.

I feel like this was out of line and another situation where im treated like “you’re not seriously making sure your kid eats something they’ll actually eat right?”

He came back up later and started making passive aggressive comments to her like “I guess you’ll only listen for mooooommm” and “only if your mooooom makes it for you” in a very specific tone he usually doesn’t use with her. I just took her to my room.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for this type of situation. My young kid was made to feel bad while getting over sickness over food she didn’t ask for from her grandpa. Im sensing he feel disrespected but honestly over the last year we have put up with so much more disrespect from him yet he always acts like the victim.

Edit* we moved in to help them not lose their family home. We were renting previously and they faced losing their property as neither work and are aging with disabilities. We cover finances and assist with upkeep and maintenance of the house.

I know what everyone here is going to say - I have a husband problem, not a MIL problem. I agree - but I am at a loss of what to do.

MIL has not liked me from day 1. Politically we sit at opposite ends of the spectrum. The first time I met her she attacked me on my beliefs and said I would not discuss it further. Relationship just got worse and worse from a bad starting point. MIL lives about half the country away, approx. 6 hours by plane (no direct flights), 18 hour drive. They live in a rural northern town, we live in a southwest suburban city.

I have a 2 year old and am pregnant. With the first kid, maternity leave went off the rails. I had the best intentions - but I decided to go out to their rural home for 3 weeks while on leave (3 month leave) so they could spend time with the baby. It was a disaster for my mental health. MIL berated me for not being a good mom, arguing that my breastfeeding was bad for my kid and formula was better, that I was soft and weak and not fit to be a mother. Constant, daily berating. I could not wait to get home.

I have tolerated her since but have kept my dealings with them entirely through my husband. They come out once a year for 1-2 months and sporadically at other times. They stay in there camper van for an extended period of time, stay with us for short periods of time.

This time around with this baby, I need things to go differently. Without asking, they booked a campsite for when I am 1month postpartum with the idea of staying here for 2 months while I am on maternity leave. I flipped out at this news. I will never get this time with my child again (I work full time). Knowing my husband would not stand up to his Mom, I told them directly "For my mental health, please come after my maternity leave (3 months later). Do not come earlier." I did not tell them not to come at all, just not during their proposed time frame - and to please come later.

They decided they are coming when they want anyway, against my wishes. My husband says "he backs me up" but that he "can't tell his parents not to vacation here". My husband says he knows the dynamic between me and my MIL is toxic, but does not know what to do about it, and that his family is a part of his life.

WWYD? I am so angry. I feel so disrespected and undermined. And I don't know how to move forward.

So I’ve worked with my MIL in real estate for the past 5+ years. But over the years and after getting engaged to her son and having grandbabies she has become more passive aggressive with her words and actions when it surrounds talking about my family or her authority she feels she has over my kids.

Please note my biological family hasn’t always been the best or most stable but we have worked through our problems. In the midst of my family’s problems - my husbands family absolutely took me in as their own but it’s almost like his MIL holds it over my head. Anytime my family is brought up she says hurtful things to me about them. She also just tries to push her desires over mine when it comes to my kids.

Mother’s Day same thing happened and my husband stood up for me and we ended up leaving his mom’s house. I tried to explain to her how hurt I was by that day of all days and tell her that in the same way I have had to keep my guard up around my dad I had to do with her as well. She then snapped and said I was so unappreciative and ungrateful and if she wants to she can look at me sideways and be passive aggressive if she wants to.

I’ve always just tried to be respectful of her and her family, but I’m at my wits end. Idk if I should leave real estate as this is my source of income . My husband also has a job so we would be fine but also idk where I would go job wise and I also don’t want to be the reason my husband and his family don’t talk. My husband is on my side but his mom is so disrespectful and hurtful and his family passes it off as “that’s how she is”. Unfortunately when she is rude I don’t defend myself and let it eat me inside.

What do I do

My mother in law writes horrible comments about me on posts on social media that’s visible to Public. Anyone can see them it if you just do a google search. Example, on reality show posts, she compares women to me saying their short and ugly and how they’re using the husband. Or how they should stay home and keep out of the money part of a marriage. Or how they are using their husbands. And all comments are followed by ‘reminds me of my daughter in law’.
Since years I’ve had a problem with her saying rude and disrespectful things about me to people we know, even my own family. My husband has never stood up for me. He says I’m overreacting. Or what donator want me to?
Is this ok?

Ever since I met my fiancé (me and him are long distance) his mom would constantly find reasons to touch and tickle him to get in my head so I started getting uncomfortable and when I first brought it up he acted like I was ridiculous for being jealous of “his mom” that she was “his mom” and everyone thought I was crazy but then when I told him I didn’t like her spanking him with bottles and tickle all over forcing long tight hugs he told her to stop and she wouldn’t she would try harder and he finally noticed it was weird and him and his dad had to go off on her for her to stop well when my fiancé came to my country for the first time his mom for make him call and text every day and would get mad and guilt trip him when he didn’t want to so he would have to say “I’m here to spend time with my gf” (we weren’t engaged yet) and she would guilt him and say he needs to come back because his dog misses him or he needs to call because of that and he would have to end the call quick so we could enjoy our time but we never could he was worrying to much about his parents feelings and how he would get scolded when he got back :( (yes he lives with them still and shouldn’t that’s a long story on Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another (FDIA) or Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP)) well they started getting crazy upset because they couldn’t control his vacation with me and let me tell you about the rough start that had where he was 20 I was 17 and he already planned it with my parents but we decided to wait for him to give them a heads up the day before we got there so they couldn’t try manipulating or controlling him well when he told them they went off his dad said how he though he was proud of who my fiancé had become and how he doesn’t like how he’s been acting and was crazy stuff and his mom picked up his suitcase through more then half his stuff out and said “you won’t be needing this for only 3 weeks” we he had planned a month in a half to see if he really wanted to move here and spend time with me and she also called his EIA (that’s a long story) saying he was only staying 3 weeks which was a lie and I guess they assumed it would scare my fiancé into not going well anyways back to when he was here they got quiet for about a day in a half which wasn’t like them since they blew up about him and they called saying “surprise we are half way there to come pick (my fiancé up)” and he got in a huge fight saying no it’s not up to them then them saying they would get the police involved then him saying “go ahead they are gonna laugh when they find out you are trying to force a almost 21 one year old in the car” and then guilt tripping him with his dog again and so fast forward me staying at his house with them for 2 weeks (it was last minute since we had troubles with getting him here) well this is where my worries about her being sexually emotionally incest with him came to to proof so anyways we get in the car driving back to his place and his mom isn’t gaslighting him (here comes so of the money exploiting (that’s a whole other long story) my fiancé said “my card went missing and I need a new one” and she said “no you left it with the remember?” And he said “no I didn’t I specifically made sure I brought it and didn’t leave it with yall” and they were going back and forth for like 5 mins and btw I was on the FaceTime and I’m a witness he didn’t leave it with them what so ever it was quite the opposite trying to hide it from them so when he gave me a look of help and that I could inveigh I said “he never left it with you I was on the FaceTime with him when it happened” after that she went quiet and wasn’t trying to gaslight no more because she was busted since I was a witness and we get there and it’s just so awkward the whole time my fiancé tense because they keep making jokes and stuff and we go to a restaurant and I think his dad was trying because he knew my family loved Chinese food I don’t like it the most but I don’t have the heart to tell him so we went to this Asian food place and we sit down and my fiancés dad starts making sex jokes about me and my fiancé in the restaurant which was rude and embarrassing ngl and I look over and my fiancés mom was staring at me with the most demonic jealous look of jealousy and right when I looked at her she back down and looked back down and I guess she was trying to assert dominance with that stare or something which didn’t intimidate me I just looked at her with a look like “what is your problem? I’m confused.” Well anyways most the time I was there she wouldn’t give us privacy and would swing my fiancés bedroom door open as quickly as possible looking around for what I think is clothes like she was trying to see if me and my fiancé were doing anything acting the whole time like we weren’t allowed to be alone or intimate and she would give a look of fiery jealous rage and didn’t even like us holding hands or being cute together and we got called children by his dad for me and my fiancé tickling and laughing at each other having fun enjoying are time being happy together and right after the restaurant she one day decided to walk up between me and my fiancé where I was following right behind him like always and she forced herself behind him and in front of me and gave me a start like to make sure she got a rise out of me and she slapped my fiancé with her bare hand on his ahh and did it a couple times after he said no and stop she would just laugh in his face and it’s to sensitive for me and my fiancé to talk about since his mom has created a enmeshment relationship with him and I needed to vent because it’s a lot and sorry I’m all over I have adhd and this was last minute and I’ll probably think of more sorry if my grammar is completely not there I tried to write this fast lol and I don’t like typing on Reddit next time I’m writing this in notes first haha I wanted to know what other people thought because my fiancé and mom say I’m obsess with his parents and talk to much about them so I thought this was a better way of coping but should I have the right to still be messed up from all this because my fiancé acts like since his mom stops one thing she’s a whole new changed person and I can’t judge her off her past when I still am messed up from it plus so much other long stories on other subjects

My MIL is anti everyone’s partners. She is married and she has a husband. So it’s not that she doesn’t have a spouse.
But Everyone she knows, she ruthlessly criticises their partners… me, my sister in law, our cousins’ wives, her sister’s husband and basically the partner of anyone she knows. She also writes comments against male celebrities’ girlfriends and wives online, on Facebook.
I’ve seen her writing comments online about women and comparing them to her daughters in law and calls us users. We’ve been married to her sons for 15+years!
She talks to relatives behind our backs and has basically painted us as gold diggers and lazy. And the reality is the exact opposite.
I don’t understand why she would make her sons look like victims and being with horrible women.
Mind you, she is jobless since 15 years and is taking money from her sons.
I seriously wish I hadn’t married my husband because of how she is. She’s made my life hell.

My son 6M. His “grandma” is 50 F, aunt 30 F and uncle 30 M.
We have been a family for about 2 years now since before I had my daughter and after.
I don’t really know where to put this, I just need to get it out because it’s been weighing on me.

There was a time when my boyfriend’s family—especially his mom (“Oma”)—was really involved in my son’s life. They used to ask about his education, check in on him, take him sometimes, and overall act like they cared and wanted to be present.

But after things got tense between me and them (and honestly after they basically pulled away from me), everything changed. Slowly at first, then suddenly they just… stopped. No more asking about school, no more check-ins, no more picking him up, nothing.

The hardest part is my son notices.

He keeps asking me things like:
“Why doesn’t Oma pick me up anymore?”
“Did I do something wrong?”
“When is she coming again?”

And I honestly don’t know what to say without breaking his heart or making him feel rejected.

Because the truth is—it’s not him. He didn’t do anything. But I also can’t explain adult drama, distance, or whatever tension happened without confusing him or making it worse.

Now I’m stuck in this space where I’m trying to protect him emotionally, while also dealing with the reality that people who were once “all about him” just disappeared from his life.

It’s painful watching him try to understand something that doesn’t make sense to him yet.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has dealt with something like this—how do you explain a sudden absence of people a child trusted, without making them feel unwanted or abandoned?

Because right now I feel like I’m constantly making up gentle answers while trying not to fall apart myself.

 Throwaway, obviously.                                                                                                 

I'm 29. Married 3 years, love marriage. We're both in tech — he was a Senior Manager at a product company, I'm a UX lead. Combined we made around ₹52 LPA. Decent Bangalore money. We bought a 2BHK in 2024 on EMI. ₹68,000 a month. We thought we had time to figure out the rest.

In February his company did a "restructuring." 14% of headcount. He was on the list. Four months severance, then nothing. He's applied to 90+ roles. He's had 4 final-round rejections. The market is brutal — every recruiter says "we're flooded with senior PMs right now."

  Three things happened that week:

  1. His mother flew in from Indore "to support us."
  2. Gold crossed ₹1,83,000 per 10g.                                                                             3. The 5th came and the EMI auto-debit hit.

  She's been here three months now. And before anyone calls her a movie villain — she's not. She made me chai every day when I had Covid in 2021. She's a kind woman. But something has shifted, and I don't have the language for it, and I can't tell anyone in my real life, which is why I'm typing this at 1:47 AM into a website I've never posted on.                                                                                        
 Every single morning at breakfast, in the exact same gentle tone, she asks me: "Beta, kab good news suna rahe ho?"                                                        

The first time I laughed it off. The second time I said "Mummyji, we're focused on his job search right now." The third time I said nothing. Yesterday she cooked a beautiful dinner, sat across from me, and said: "I told my sister you're putting career first. She said girls these days are too selfish."
 
I put my fork down. I said "Mummyji, your son lost his job. We have a ₹68,000 EMI. Why would we have a baby right now?"                                                   

She started crying.                                                                                                         
He came out of the bedroom. She said "Beta, your wife thinks I'm interfering. Maybe I should go back." He looked at me. He didn't defend me. He didn't defend her. He just looked tired. He's been looking tired for three months.

I went into the bathroom and cried for 15 minutes with the shower running so they wouldn't hear.                                                                          

Here is what I cannot say out loud:                                                                             

I am the only person in this house earning a salary. I am paying the EMI on the flat his mother is living in. I am paying for the groceries she is cooking. I am paying for the petrol in the car she takes to the temple. And I am also the one being asked when I'm having a baby. I am also the one being called selfish.

And the part I am most ashamed of: I have started to resent him. The man I chose. Because he won't say one sentence to defend me. Because he thinks his mother is "just being a mother." Because he thinks my income is the family's emergency fund and her behavior is background noise I should learn to tolerate.

I cannot afford therapy right now — ₹3,000 a session, when I am tracking every rupee. I cannot tell my parents — Papa has BP issues, Mama will lose sleep. I cannot tell my friends — half of them are in some version of this and the other half will say "leave him," which is not what I want.

Last week I downloaded one of those Hinglish AI apps. Felt stupid doing it. But at 2 AM I typed all of this into it, and it asked me one question back: "Aap ye sab apne husband se keh chuki hain, ya sirf socha hai?" I haven't said any of this to him. I've only thought it.

 I don't know what I'm asking for. Advice. Solidarity. Permission to feel what I'm feeling. If there's a woman reading this who's earning more than her husband, with her MIL in the house, and a husband who has gone quiet — please tell me how you're surviving. Because I have a 9 AM call in seven hours and I am barely held together with tape.                    

I’m gonna be honest, my future mother in law is typically great. But ever since my fiancé and I of 10 years got engaged, things changed a bit.
We were originally going to have a beautiful 100 person wedding in my home state at the beach. My mom was going to help, but we thought his side would help too since it was getting to be expensive (and since they’re way better off financially than my mom). Unfortunately, my FMIL doubled down and said they strictly go by tradition where the wife’s family must pay for everything, including the honeymoon, and the husband’s family only pays for the rehearsal dinner. I told her we’re probably not going to do a rehearsal dinner and she goes “well I guess we’re not paying for anything then.”
A couple months go by, and we pitched a much smaller wedding of 15 people at the coast in the state we currently live in. I didn’t want to go into debt for a wedding and didn’t want to put my family in that situation either. But when I heard my FMIL convince me to have it at the beach town deliberately next to the family beach house for them and the grandparents to stay at so they don’t have to pay anything, I got aggravated. Even moreso when she pitched her sister and BIL (and their two nieces) to come too, cuz they also have a beach condo nearby. They are also well off but they weren’t originally on this much smaller guest list. My family, again who’s not super well off, would have to pay more to fly and also have to rent a car.
Because of all of this frustration, my fiancé and I were extremely close to eloping.
But my mother came up with a great idea that would actually slightly inconvenience everyone.
We went back to my home state, talking it over with my fiancé, and agreed to book a beautiful beach house for 11 people. We kept my FMIL out of the loop until everything was confirmed so she couldn’t talk her way out of paying nothing. But when I told her about it yesterday, she claimed we were intentionally leaving her side of the family out (we’re not; it’s a nearly equal party on both sides). She complained about driving to this same state twice in a year (she could always fly but doesn’t want to). I also offered to invite 2 additional family members on her side with nearby accommodations yet she was being rather dismissive and difficult, ie not wanting to sleep in the same room as others, not wanting an air mattress… it goes on. My mom even offered to sleep somewhere else to accommodate them. But hard pass, I want my mother there. She paid for everything, I’m paying for a good chunk too. The rest of my family knows they’re no longer invited due to this financial situation, yet are still incredibly helpful with planning everything else out. This is nowhere close to the traditional wedding she internally dreamed of, but how could we in this economy? We’d rather put the money towards something more meaningful instead of a 5 hour celebration anyways.
Has anyone else ever been in this situation?