r/SistersInSunnah

Hi all. I need your opinion on this. I am volunteering with an all girls community that organizes workshops, get-togethers etc. I can't say too much. I am usually the one handling their social media. part of the official team. but i am starting to see that what i say has no value in the team. we had an event and the team asked me to look for a sports partners. and i did. i got a really awesome deal too. they offered to give everything i asked for, for free. but then the rest of the team suddenly said no need, what are we getting from it blah blah. it was really humiliating because i was calling some many numbers, reaching out to people, to onboard any sports partners into the event, in the middle of my actual working hours. There i was going in and out of my office (i have a job, this is just a volunteer thing) in a frenzy trying to get a good deal for our team. I had to cancel on the group that gave me the deal and it really upset me because i want to have a relationship with these groups and be on good terms with them.

In fact, i spoke to my team leader before confirming with that particular sports group. i said "this is what are getting" and "this is what they need from us". leader said okay we can go ahead. then a few days later the team started grumbling about it. saying we don't need the sports group. so i had to say no to the sports people. sports people were understandably upset. then there was a social media post that was supposed to go out. The designer completely ignored the content i gave and did her own thing. i kept saying please change but she did not.

she said the content i gave was confusing and the leader of our team also took the designer's side.

today i saw that it was posted without making any of the changes i asked. This happens all the time. i spend hours on content and all of its just ignored. and apparently its my fault that there is a disparity between the actual design and the design directions i give? this consistently keeps happening. the content and design direction i give is ignored. i spend hours on it and thats just discarded. I really want to leave this team. the only reason i am staying is because we have an upcoming event and i don't want to throw them under the bus if i leave now. cus the team is pretty small. I just feel like i do all the dirty work and all that is just ignored or has no value whatsoever. i am the person who does everything they say, but not allowed to be a part of the decision making. what do i do?

Assalamu alaikum wrwb

For most of my life, fiction books have been my main hobby and source of entertainment. I absolutely love reading. My favourite genres are psychological thrillers, fantasy, historical fiction, all with romance as a subplot, and sometimes darker stories. Reading is literally part of my daily routine.

Recently, I've been trying to become more serious about my deen. I'm doing hifz, studying Islam, and trying to fill my time with things that will benefit me in the akhirah. But I feel that reading fiction distracts me greatly and keeps my mind preoccupied. The problem is that fiction still has a very strong hold on me.

The issue is that I don't really have other forms of entertainment. I don't have any other hobbies and it's difficult for me to go out often. So when people say "just replace it with something else," I genuinely don't know what that "something else" is supposed to be.

Part of me feels like I should quit fiction entirely for the sake of Allah, especially because some of the genres I enjoy contain themes that clearly aren't Islamic. Another part of me wonders whether moderation would be a better approach than completely cutting it out.

For those who used to be avid fiction readers and reduced or quit for Islamic reasons:

• How did you do it?
• What did you replace it with?
• Did you go cold turkey or gradually cut down?
• Did you ever stop missing it?
• How do you relax and unwind now?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who genuinely loved fiction and reading, rather than people who were never interested in it to begin with.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Assalamualaykum Warahmatu Allah,

I am in the process of looking to get married. I have been learning a lot about the rights and obligations of both spouses, and I am working on myself to be a good wife for whoever I am going to marry.

One part I have been thinking of is beautifying myself for my husband. I'd say I have a good hygiene and good skincare/haircare, and I am still learning about makeup, hair styles, my color palette and such. I am also exercising regularly to stay fit.

My question for sisters here:

How does beautifying myself for my husband look like?

Should I plan dressing up for him everyday?

When to do makeup? Especially that we have to do wudu during the day.

Any routines or tips to achieve this?

(Question from a brother)

"I am an African. 25 yo. I live in NJ but work in New York. I drive to Isha and sometimes fajr everyday at my local mosque. I have tried hard to look for women who guard their chastity, who do not incorporate Western values in their lifestyles just to fit in, who do not call themselves liberal Muslims, who actually wear the hijab and do that properly, have HAYA, love Islam, have Islamic knowledge, pray five times daily ON TIME - those who don’t let their work or laziness get in their way when it’s time to worship Allah and those who actually recite the Quran and love it etc.

But no! I don’t know where to find them. Please you guys should consider praying at the mosque outside Jummah times at least twice or three times weekly so we may find you.

Sisters who have the above mentioned characteristics, where can we find you?

Brothers who got righteous spouses, where did you find them?

Al Furqan verse 74: ˹They are˺ those who pray, “Our Lord! Bless us with ˹pious˺ spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous."

Assalamu alaikum,

I really don't know what to do with my life... I have a strong strong desire for seeking knowledge and to become a serious/devoted talibah al ilm (student of knowledge) but I just feel like the pathway is blocked. It is impossible to get into saudi arabia university for knowledge and also my family don't understand/value ilm and I wouldn't say they are very into it, but Alhamdullilah they commit to obligatory actions but they just don't like to listen to me when I talk too much about ilm, and prefer that I talk about something "real"...

I really don't want to get into secular uni because student loan is riba-based here. I have applied to so many apprenticeships but literally all rejected me. It saddens me because I have put in a lot of WORK and EFFORT just to get rejected again...I even learned how to respond to interview questions/how to write CV but still unsuccessful..

I have also tried opening my own online business (twice now) which isn't really working well.

Deep inside what I really want is to just be a housewife and seek ilm/raise righteous children. I feel this is best for me but everyone around me is against that.. They all want me to go to uni/get degree/get secure job. I understand they might think this is the best for me which is why I was looking for alternatives like apprenticeship but I just wish that they would understand the value of ilm, and that pursuing religious knowledge is as real as getting a job. They all shrug off and look at me weirdly even when i talk about simple ilm like Tawheed. I feel so stuck in my life. Like what do I do.. especially because I am financially dependent on my parents so like I don't have many options and have to balance between ilm and studies/work

So yeah... I just wanna hear your thoughts on this and what do you think is wise for me to do..like should I just give up and go to uni (riba) idk..I really don't know

I want to be Muslimah.

I am thinking to convert into islam.

Assalamualaikum everyone,

Nice to meet you ..

I'm 30year old independent woman , im working as a lecturer in a university.

I'm finding myself to be a part of this beautiful religion but I don't want to share (fir now) with my family.

Can I convert secretly?

And follow deen and dunya and islam secretly while living with my family?

If yes than how ? Please help me sisters 🤲🥹

Thankss

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am looking for Islamic advice regarding my marriage because I am genuinely confused and emotionally exhausted. I do not know what the Islamic ruling is on my situation, and I would appreciate any insight from those who have knowledge.

For some background, my husband and I have been married for approximately eight years. We have two children under the age of five, and I am currently pregnant with our third child, alhamdulillah, due in about two months. Throughout our marriage, my husband has been extremely verbally abusive. Whenever he apologizes, it is usually a backhanded apology where he somehow still blames me for his behavior. There is never genuine accountability.

Today, during an argument, he called me a "Fat F," a "whale," a "mentally handicapped woman," a "brain-defected undeveloped premature woman," a "retard," a "dummy," and many other degrading insults. This happened while I am heavily pregnant with our child.
The argument started because he gave me $200 to purchase newborn essentials, and I asked for an additional $50 because it simply was not enough to cover everything needed. Instead of understanding, he became angry.

During the argument, he said, "My mother warned me about women like you." What made this particularly hurtful is that he knows my relationship with his mother is already strained. He frequently uses his mother as a weapon during disagreements. He also constantly portrays me as someone who wastes his money, despite the reality that he provides approximately $100 per week for groceries in Toronto. As many people know, that amount barely covers groceries for a growing family, especially when his father also lives with us.

Despite this, I do my best to manage our household. I pay for many of my own expenses and try not to burden him financially. Yet I am continuously accused of being irresponsible with money. The truth is that he has made all of my pregnancies miserable. Instead of being a source of support and comfort, he has been a source of stress, anxiety, and emotional pain.

Over the years, he has repeatedly told me things such as:
\- That when he turns 50, he will leave me.

\- That he is only with me because of the children.

\-That one day he may find a younger wife in her thirties.

\-That he has no love for me beyond the fact that I am the mother of his children.

\-That he is not attracted to me. Yet when we are intimate and I ask him directly whether he finds me attractive, he says yes. His words are often contradictory, leaving me confused and emotionally destabilized.

When we first got married, I was very fit. Since then, I have carried multiple pregnancies, given birth, and spent years caring for young children. Naturally, my body has changed. I have gained weight compared to when we first married, but I would not consider myself obese. Regardless, I do not believe any woman deserves to be degraded and humiliated because her body changed after carrying and raising children.

Another issue is that during our recent argument, he repeatedly threatened me. He said that if things escalated, he would destroy my sister's marriage by contacting her husband and exposing perceived flaws within my family. This felt like an attempt to intimidate and control me through fear.

At this point, I have emotionally checked out of the marriage. I do not currently work, and realistically I probably will not return to work until a couple of years after giving birth. However, I know that I eventually want to separate from him. Right now, I am gathering evidence and trying to think carefully before making any major decisions.

My question is this:
Islamically, is it permissible to live essentially like roommates under these circumstances?

If a husband consistently fails to fulfill his wife's rights, verbally abuses her, humiliates her, threatens her, and openly states that he does not love her, am I still obligated to fulfill all of his marital rights as normal?

I understand that marriage comes with rights and responsibilities for both spouses, but I am struggling to understand how Islam views situations where one spouse continuously harms the other.

I am also conflicted about whether I should remain in the marriage until the children are older. Realistically, he is a very verbally abusive husband. However, he generally treats the children well when he is not angry. Part of me wonders whether staying for the children is the better option, while another part of me worries about the long-term impact of living in such an unhealthy environment.

Entire Ramadan I prayed isthikhara to guide me to my decision, I saw all the negative signs but at the end I caved in due to his bread-crumbing, I thought he would change and see a therapist (which he did 2 sessions).

I would appreciate sincere Islamic advice, especially from those who have knowledge regarding:

\-A husband's obligations toward his wife.

\-Verbal and emotional abuse in Islam.

\-Whether living as roommates is permissible in situations like this.

\-Whether separation would be justified under these circumstances.

\-The impact of remaining in a marriage solely for the children.

Jazakum Allahu khayran for any guidance.