r/SurrogateMatching

Hi all, first time posting here. My husband and I have been searching for a surrogate for a while. We paid an upfront $13K retainer to an agency and waited 9 months without a single candidate presented to us.

Last weeks, I got frustrated and decided to try going independent. Within about 3 days, I found 5 candidates to talk to (not all are equally qualified, but still much better than 0 candidate in 9 months, and we are proceeding with an amazing independent surrogate).

The contrast is so stark that I keep wondering if there's a gotcha I haven't hit yet, or if this is just how it works once you step outside the agency model. For those of you who went independent: what pushed you to make the switch, and how long did it actually take you to find your match?

Genuinely just trying to learn from people who've been through this. Thanks in advance. 

So I’m currently trying to find a surrogate, and a close friend reached out saying her friend was interested in becoming one. When we spoke, she told me she wanted to be honest upfront — she’s LDS/Mormon and would only feel comfortable carrying a child for someone who shares those same beliefs.

I grew up in the church but I’m inactive now and no longer practice, so hearing that honestly triggered something in me. This whole journey of not being able to carry a child has already been really emotional, and that response brought up a lot of feelings.

At the same time, I’m genuinely curious — is this common? Are some surrogates very selective about religion or personal beliefs when choosing intended parents, especially when doing independent journeys? I completely respect personal boundaries, I just didn’t realize that could be a factor.