hey, just wanted to vent maybe someone relates
im 13, a girl, living in a brown judgy family that seem to hate and judge me for very little thing i do. so recently my best friend has started ignoring me, being passive aggressive. barely replying to my messages, leaving me on read constantly while we used to talk and be on call daily for hours (ive been besties with her for about 4 years now) and im 99% sure its because she's gotten close with another "friend" of mine that i know for a fact desnt like me. And this whole change happened without any arguments i never even got the feeling that she was icked out by me, like we were normal one second, and i leave school for a week for a vacation and when im back she's suddenly a new person who cant stand me. i had snapchat but my mom made me delete it, and i sometimes check my account from my sister's phone and today after like two months i checked it and she unadded me. um and she's been acting rude with some of our other friends after she got close with that frined that doesnt really like me and she does have a habit of bitching about me and making shit up so idk. ive stopped caring to be honest/ i just stay by myself these days, being alone is better than dealing with all this petty friendship bs, i wish i could just transfer to a new school because half of the people hate me here, and now it seems like my long term friends also do. and there's this girl whose sorta mean to everyone but ppl still love her and she's been spreading total bs about how i bully her and hit her for the last two years since fifth grade, and that whole shit started because we didnt agree on balloons for our class party. anyways thats a whole other thing.
people tell me im pretty, but istg its just glazing, cuz im really not, i got fat, i used to be really skinny back in 5th grade when ppl strated telling me i was pretty and i loved it and felt good abt myself and people still do say im pretty but i just cannot believe them cuz i never see myself as pretty anymore, im fat, and ugly, have terrible skin and i dont know if my glasses suit my face or not. i never like how i look in pictures and always end up editing my fat nose or my chubby face, nothing works, not even starving myself is helping me get skinny again and i, pretty short so i just look even chubbier. and i have this aunt who loves to criticise every little thing i do, blatantly favours all my other cousins, loves to throw around passive aggressive comments about me, tells my mom i need to cover up because my body is maturing when i once wore a top that had a little bigger neckline around my family while her daughter wears revealing stuff and loves to downplay all my achievements and loves to show off how much she loves my other cousins. i absolutely hate when they come back home from abroad, i hate pretending that ilike my family when i dont cuz they treat me like absolute shit and make it very clear they hate me. im not even exaggerating.
and id consider myself a topper, i do well in school but i dont know how, i procrastinate and then have insane anxiety and panic attacks before exams and go to take exams crying and i mean i do try my best but i honestly dont deserve the good marks because i procrastinate so much...i should be acting like a proper topper, and actually study to achieve the position i really wanna get but i just waste time, and then study like crazy before exams until i get sick and then get hit with all the anxiety stuff, my mental health isnt the best, hasnt been the best for the past year or so, but i live in a brown family, cant really tell them that i want a therapist. anyways thats all, feel free to reply to anything and if anyone thinks its my fault my ffriends hate me, just say so, im happy to listen to any thoughts,