r/adhdparents

We have three kids with adhd, one (12) with inattentive type, on meds, is doing great. My son is seven, on meds, hyperactive, and does well most of the time (and then about 6:30 pm becomes a tornado). My daughter is five, hyperactive, not on meds (we are figuring some stuff out). My son is a danger to himself and others when not medicated-no executive function. My daughter is a danger to herself and me -no idea of where she is space (so crashes/falls often), runs full speed into me, and no focus.

Other information that might be important-I homeschool them, so we are around each other all the time. My seven and five year old are adopted and we know for sure my five year old was exposed to drugs in the womb.

I’m here wondering if anyone has any tips for how to help their relationship grow/keep them from using each other as a dopamine hit. Mealtimes are always a struggle (unless I put something on the tv but I’m not doing that for every meal)-my seven year old will pick at my five year old (trying to prepare her for things ahead that he does not need to prepare her for, picking fights, just looking for her response), and my daughter always loves a good fight/being offended so she will respond and give him a hit and then she gets a hit-but the rest of us at the table suffer. I’ve tried asking questions/getting their brains to engage but I don’t have the energy to do that every meal. Their play has to be supervised as they will sort of egg each other on to more and more crazy feats (running full speed around kitchen counters and other things). Their play always feels like it has an element of danger to it. I want them to be good friends, to have a good relationship, but it feels like I am always supervising them or I’m just not letting them play together so that I don’t have to directly supervise them so I can get something done around the house. I think when we find the right medication for my five year old that will help, but until then I am just hoping someone has some helpful tips. Or can commiserate.