u/-Red_Wolf-

Maybe? We don't know

I think I'm starting to handle all the uncertainty better, I started watching podcast of momming with emetophobia and it seriously started to shift my focus.

But anyway

4 days ago I, probably? brought some stomach bug. I have ibs and I've eaten 3 foods that could theoretically cause me a lot of diarrhea so it wasn't that stressful. I also felt quite bad the day before (cold often) but because I have GAD I can, like, feel bad because of everything and can manifest symptoms if I focus on them too much. Felt weak the next day and now I'm in clear

BUT

Now my boyfriend has diarrhea. Kinda worse than me (I take a lot of supplements for intestines though). The current theory is that either he got food poisoning from something or that I brought some bug.

BUT WE MADE OUT YESTERDAY AND THE UNCERTAINTY OF ALL OF IT I HATE IT.

will I be sick? Is this noro? Is this some random ass (haha) stomach bug? We have a flight this Friday we have to be healthy as fuck ( I know I know it's like a whole week, we will probably be fine) I hope that it won't turn into vomiting.

BUT

I'm not spiraling, I'm not stressing the fuck out weirdly?

Like, I don't like this situation VERY much (mainly because of kissing a lot the day before ahaha). I'm trying to focus on reality and not on predicting the future. I am kinda paralyzed rn so after writing this post I need to start doing anything because rumination will turn into stressing the f out.

Either way, I'm counting the not spiraling as a win. I need to stop helicoptering him and asking how he feels every 30 minutes just to make myself feel good, so that is the next step.

I know that this isn't your typical recovery post but hear me out please.

I've posted here a few times. Basically I developed emethophobia when I was around 7 years old and it really spiralled in the last year. In December i started the emethophobia manual and while it really helped me I would still often spiral and even lose sleep because of the phobia.

I considered going to a psychiatrist for some anxiety medication - which I'm trying to avoid as much as possible due to my personal reasons (I'm not condemning medications btw). I kept saying to myself that recovery is a long road and it may even take me years, setbacks are to be expected, but I felt really bad.

But it just happened that I went to a doctor and ordered a blood test for my hormones and vitamins. For some time now I've had those weird moments that any stressful or tiring situation would give me a raised temperature. No other symptoms, no sneezing, no coughing, just feeling unwell and 37°C. My IBS tends to make me deficient in some vitamins so that was my intuition.

And what do you know

Very low Vitamin B!

If you don't know, Vitamin B basically regulates the whole nervous system and yes - it can make anxiety way worse...

I started taking VitB prescribed by my doctor, just a single tablet every day before dinner. And I'm feeling SIGNIFICANTLY better after 3 weeks.

I'm still emethophobic - that is a part of me, but a healthy nervous system helps me deal with annoying thoughts way way easier.

Examples from today

- I've had thoughts that I shouldn't get food from the company that brings packaged dinners to our office. I've had diarrhea ONCE from one of them. I've ignored them and bought some food

- the food wouldn't be enough to not feel hungry quickly so I was thinking of getting some fries from the local doner. I've got thoughts that I shouldn't do that, what if I get food poisoning?!

I've got the fries and they were delicious

- I have a jar of olives. My problem with olives is that because of their natural taste I can't really tell if they have gone bad (I've probably never tasted spoiled olives). I tasted them, checked how the jar looks, smell, checked on the internet how can I recognize spoiled olives. Everything pointed to them being ok. Despite a voice in my head telling me that they may be spoiled,I added them to my salad.

- not emethophobic related - I have an allergy to grass pollen. I've read that it can show itself as an oral allergy syndrome and body can mistake for example, tomatoes, for grass pollen. I've wanted tomatoes in my salad but I was scared of the allergic reaction (that I never had). I've added them anyway and just took a small bite of tomato.

I immediately felt worse but told myself "99% it's somatic, I just need to breathe deep and if the feeling still persists after a few minutes then I will tell my boyfriend and panic"

What do you know, that feeling stopped and I've got to enjoy my salad.

So yeah please

Go check

- Vitamin B

- Vitamin D

- Magnesium

- TSH thyroid hormone and check what levels are good for your age because the range that is considered normal is too wide - I start to feel it as soon as 2.5 and as a younger woman I should be around 1.0

This is not gonna help everyone and it will not cure anyone, you still gotta fight with that annoying anxiety in your head and learn how to live a calmer life, but in my case, it really helped me make this battle easier