climbing trips and defining success
seeking cis male perspectives tbh. greetings fellow baddies, i am going to devils lake with my 23f boyfriend 25m over this weekend! we have never been before and i am excited to go somewhere new. originally some of our friends were supposed to come with us but they have to work blah blah blah so they can't. so then it will just be us! but my boyfriend asked if his coworker he routesets with can come along with one of our crazy strong mutual friends. suddenly i do not feel like going anymore! LMAO
basically i have had a really hard time being self depreciating when i climb: i did not grow up athletic and after 2.5 years of climbing i still struggle on some v1's. i have had a lot of setbacks in my non-climbing life that have affected my performance and i often feel angry and disappointed at myself when i am confronted by my lack of growth. it took a lot of courage just to be able to climb (and more importantly fall) in front of my boyfriend without feeling SO embarrassed and depressed.
this probably sounds so dumb but i am trying so hard to be better. i suck at climbing but i love it. i feel like if everyone else is climbing v5-7 and i am struggling up v0-1 i just shouldn't go. there is no way it is fun to just sit around and watch my skinny ass struggle up something everyone else cruised, no matter how hard my boyfriend has tried to convince me otherwise.
girls: how would you think about this differently? it's not just a matter of trying to be grateful because i have so much expertise around me, i am physically too weak to do certain things due to an eating disorder.
dudes: do you pity people like me? is it awkward to climb with people who suck? are you secretly laughing at me? are any of my worst fears true?
edit: thank you everyone for your insight and kindness. i think i will not go this time because i have been told before that my mindset makes things less enjoyable for others and i do not want to ruin their time. i know i have mental health issues and i am also not very strong. i think it is best if i go a different time. thank you baddies 🙏🏻