u/0fallenstar0

I struggle with vulnerability with anyone, even my husband of 20years. I was just able to open up to my therapist more recently at my last session. Today I was asked what I would like to talk about today and seriously kinda threw me off guard. I said I am not sure, but then I thought of something. Honestly this question gives me anxiety. Is it okay to say "I don't know" where would that lead us?

Little by little I have been able to be more vulnerable with my therapist as this is something I really struggle with, with anyone. Today I started to cry and tried hard to just stop myself. I luckily didn't go full blown tears. I don't like crying in front of anyone. She remained silent which felt even more awkward. I felt really embarrassed and of course I apologized. Idk why I care so much but I just hope that she feels some sort of internal happiness that I can be more vulnerable with her and not feel like I'm too much instead.

I have my 6th session coming up and I am extremely anxious about it. Last session I was ungodly anxious but able to tell my therapist about my SI. It's hard for me to be vulnerable to anyone and I am so embarrassed and ashamed and scared for my next session Tuesday. I hate talking about myself and bringing attention to myself and regret telling anyone. What can I expect for my next session? Will I be questioned about further SI thoughts?

Just curious, if a therapist can diagnose or do they just share certain info/ documentation with psychiatrists to diagnose?

My therapist handled it very composed and calm, and genuinely seemed concerned, but I honestly worry about making her feel overwhelmed by it all too. I have a hard time being vulnerable to anyone and worry about what people think about me and how I make them feel. Just curious if this is something most therapists internally get anxious over. Maybe I'm overthinking. I feel in the next session I need to apologize and share how embarrassed and ashamed I have felt for sharing that. I am definitely not the center of attention type of person and it freaks me out feeling that way.

My therapist made an appointment with my psychiatrist for medication after I revealed I have been having SI. Saw my psychiatrist today and was really just hoping for something to manage anxiety/panic. I absolutely do not want antidepressants and have told my psych this before and again at the appointment today. She kept pushing and I felt so pressured into it that I finally agreed. I honestly don't know how to feel about it and what to do? She wants to start me on 5mg Lexapro and told me I can even cut it in half for the first week but I honestly just don't want to take any! Idk what to do anymore.