My mom says I'm "not allowed" to come home after studying abroad
22F and I've been studying abroad for the last 3 years. I moved here pretty young, and at this point I handle basically everything myself. Rent, groceries, paperwork, appointments, work, university stuff, all of it)
My mom helped me a lot when I first moved and I'm genuinely grateful for that. I love her, and this isn't one of those situations where I think she's a horrible mother. She's done a lot for me and she's always wanted me to have a good future
The problem is that somewhere along the way, "wanting the best for me" turned into acting like she still gets the final vote on my life. I'm finishing my current studies and I've been seriously thinking about going back home afterward. I'm tired. I miss my friends and family, I don't particularly love the country I'm in, and I honestly just want a year where my entire existence isn't built around surviving abroad.
When I told my mom, she literally said, "No. You're not coming back. You're continuing your education there..."
I laughed at first because I thought she was being dramatic.
She wasn't))))))
Since then she's been sending me master's programs and other courses I never asked for. She keeps asking whether I've submitted applications yet. She even offered to "help fill them out" after I told her multiple times I'm not sure I even want another degree right now.
She has also already told relatives that I'm staying abroad for several more years. One aunt actually congratulated me on continuing my education and I had to tell her I haven't decided anything.
My mom got angry at me for correcting her because apparently I was "making her look stupid."
Then there are all the smaller things.
She wants to know exactly how much money I have saved.
If I buy something nice for myself, she'll make comments like, "And you say living abroad is expensive."
She doesn't like my current job even though that job literally pays my rent.
If I don't answer her calls, she'll call again and then ask why I'm "avoiding" her.
She has opinions about which city I should live in, who I should live with, what jobs I should apply for, and how often I should come home
Whenever I remind her that I'm 22, she says some version of, "You're still my daughter."
The comment that really got to me was when she said, "After everything I've done to get you there, you're not just throwing it away."
And I understand where that feeling comes from. She did sacrifice things for me when I was younger
But I also feel like my life has slowly become something she sees as an investment she's entitled to manage.
I'm not asking her to pay for me to come home. I'm not planning to move into her house and sit around unemployed. I have savings, work experience, and a plan.
I just don't want another four years abroad because it looks impressive when she tells people what her daughter is doing
What bothers me most isn't that she has an opinion. She's my mom, of course she does.
It's that she talks about my decisions like they're hers to approve.
I love her, and I know a lot of this comes from wanting me to succeed, but I'm getting exhausted from feeling like every adult decision I make becomes a negotiation with someone who isn't actually living my life
At what point does parental concern become entitlement???((