I’m done
I really want to kill myself, I give up, this disease is a filth beyond describable, comprehensible words, I HATE, I FUCKING DETEST that I will NEVER be able to move, to function at the level of a NORMAL, UNAFFECTED person, to not have to THINK about my movements, the sheer amount of hate, anger and jealousy I feel is enough to fill 500 fucking Empire State Buildings worth of pages of scripture on the walls, I feel HUMILIATED for even trying “physical exercise” I feel like some sort of fucking dog with 3 legs and a missing eye participating in a race where all the other dogs are PERFECTLY ABLED. And it’s not even mainly that which causes the majority of my suffering with this disease, ignore the weakness, stiffness and UNRESPONSIVENESS of my body, it’s the continuous twitching I have in my muscles all across my body THAT I CANT GET TO STOP, which is just a constant reminder there every few seconds to REMIND ME just for the fuck of it that I have this disease, I’m done, this degree of filth and error shouldn’t exist and you should feel disgusting for being unlucky enough to have been born and completely LOST the genetic lottery with it, just like I have, fuck CHANCE THATS all it fucking is, CHANCE, PURE FUCKING LUCK AT CONCEPTION, and oh well I guess I happened to roll a fucking 1 that dictates my whole life, I hate that this is all I fucking think about, but can you blame me? It’s taken up so much of my personality I don’t even feel like a whole individual with any sort of hobbies or interests anymore, this FILTH is the centrepiece and root of ALL my suffering.