I Know I’m Capable of More, So Why Can’t I Make Myself Do Anything?
I’m a programmer born in 2001. I dropped out of college once and recently went back to school. I have ADHD, so I tend to fall into bad habits really easily. One of the biggest ones is playing League of Legends—I’ve basically spent half my life playing it, and even though I’ve tried to quit so many times, I still find it incredibly hard to stop.
On top of that, I’ve been unemployed for two months. But every single day, I struggle just to start doing something. I can’t even properly update my CV. I spend the whole day doing random, pointless things, and by the end of the day, I don’t even understand what I’ve actually done. Then I end up beating myself up over it.
A lot of the time, I feel like I’ve completely screwed up my life, like I’m worthless. There are so many things I know I could do if I just started, and that’s what frustrates me the most. I know I’m capable of doing them, but I just can’t understand why I can’t bring myself to actually do them.
I feel so negative about myself and about everything right now.