u/AMAR3IYA

I've adopted a stray, but I didn't expect her to be extremely skittish around humans— my experiences with strays are not this close to the feral side of behaviors. I wanted a cat, thought I was prepared for a cat, but this process has become anxiety-inducing now as it goes on. I know they say that we should let the cats approach on their own terms, but this cat and I are too much alike. I, too, am not comfortable unless I approach on my own terms, which she unfortunately does not approve of. I get it, I'm the human here, and I should adjust to her, but I'm struggling.

We're wary of each other. I'm wary of claws, teeth, or of any distress that might make her agitated, and every meow to me is anxiety inducing, as if its a sign of aggression (even when it's not). She's becoming more comfortable being in the open now, but I get really scared when she tries to approach me (especially when asking for food, as I have this mindset that animals get especially aggressive with food). I just need a way to reframe this so my nerves aren't fried every time she approaches.

She's been very nice, she's not aggressive at all, actually, and the most aggressive she's been with me is swatting (without claws!) and hissing but I understand this is typical cat behavior I'm just not used to 🥲 She is my first cat, and I surely set myself up with a lot of challenges adopting an adult stray (she's estimated to be around 2 years old). A kitten was not an option in my mind since they need more care than I can commit to at the time. How do you deal with this?

I adopted a beautiful tabby gal a month and a half ago, as she was about to be sent to the pound 🥲 the person I got her from called her shy, but as they brought her here it became apparent that she was terrified of people in general. I accidentally signed up for a semi-feral cat but I'm all here for it.

On her first night, she refused to leave her carrier while I was awake, and only went out to eat from the food bowl when she thought I was asleep— and any movement would make her retreat to the space under my bed.

The space under the bed has remained to be her hiding spot until now, a little over a month later. She's still very cautious around me, very wary of any movement and sound, but we have reached a point where sometimes, when I'm working on my desk, she sits on the scratcher around 3 feet away and just loafs (and stays there for a long time too, if I don't move too much), which I take is a good sign and she's feeling safer around me. We play sometimes as I dangle the toy from over the edge of the bed. There was one time she actively went for the toy (went out in the open!!) while I was not holding it.

Here's the thing:

I struggle giving her opportunities to socialize with me, though, as the space under the bed is quite huge (queen size), and even if I sit on the floor she can't see my whole body. She's not used to perceiving me entirely, intimidated even when I'm crouched down. Although, sometimes she chooses to sit near my desk (still under the bed), which is cute but she still can't see me entirely, only my feet. I read up on socialization saves lives that it helps to have the cat see you entirely when you hang out in the room, and the wide bed is not helping with that.

Should I block off a section of the bed? She has a pillow in the very far corner where she usually stays, or she hugs the wall furthest from me. However, when I stay quiet, I find her taking naps near the edge out of her own accord, but not out in the open yet. Clearly, she's letting up her guard around me, but I'm not necessarily sure this is a good form of socialization, if it even is.

Any advice would be appreciated, thank you! (Pic is from before she was adopted)

It's not you, it's me! (or both)

Should I make the space under the bed "smaller"?