Constantly second guessing myself and seeking validation- how do I get a grip lol
So I don’t know what it stems from, but I am so annoyingly insecure as a worker in general and it’s probably having an impact on my performance/ how people perceive me. My last position I was a bar manager and would constantly hint at needing validation, mainly from my GM- usually in a playful ‘see I’m so good at my job’ or something along those lines. If I was a little short with an employee/ had to give them shit for something I’d always over explain and try to justify myself for doing my job? N then if it’s busy and I’m stressed or weeded I would automatically think I’m doing a bad job instead of simply understanding that I cannot do 20 things as once. If my manager isn’t happy/ is obviously focused or busy I automatically think they’re mad at me and I’ve done something wrong and often then (against my own judgement) annoy them even more but asking for confirmation that they’re not mad at me.
Fast forward, I started a new position as a bartender (old bar got shut down rip) and they offered me a supervisor role within my first two weeks (it’s a new open so I don’t see this as a red flag as some people have mentioned to me) and tonight we got slammed pretty early on and I was the only bartender at the time. The Guinness’s were pouring inconsistently and the good tap ran out so I asked the manager to change it for me and then felt immediately guilty because we have 2 other taps that are full but I don’t like how the head settles n hoped they didn’t think I was stupid. Then I got short with the servers continuously verbalising orders to me when I’m 5 chits deep etc. Anyway- at the end of the shift I go to my GM and explain and, as I do, lowkey hint for some criticism/ validation idk. But he’s clearly busy, I realistically know he’s not mad at me and also hasn’t had a day off in 2 weeks and is literally managing a busy night but I can’t get it out of my head. And then because I’ve asked him then I feel like he’s mad at me for asking and now questioning my skills.
I mean it doesn’t show good leadership second guessing my own performance and in general it’s just jarring and I feel myself getting annoyed at myself for doing it because why do I need this constant reminder that I’m not bad at my job and it’s okay to be weeded and the world doesn’t revolve around me lol
Any tips on how to not be so insecure and be at peace with doing the best I can and knowing I’m not a total failure in the industry? - I see the irony of making a post about seeking validation by seeking validation from restaurant managers lol