Replayed the game since launch and I've realized just how much a story like this means to me
This post is basically a copy of my journal thingy over on Backloggd w some rewrites. It still might be a lil long but I really needed to share this w people. Also, quick shout out to the art direction in this game, I just adore the paintings and environments and character designs and animations.
Anyway, man, to be young, to be free... to have friends. I've always kinda had a sour relationship with coming-of-age stories, and I think Mixtape has both made me realize why and it's maybe cured my aversion to them. My teens were really tame; I was raised w a very "by the book" mentality like Cass, but without all the strict attitude behind it. It ended up making me feel really trapped, but I never had a real motivation to rebel, so I just ended up with some very boring years at best and I rly feel like I've wasted my youth. I mean, I even used to think that kinda stuff was lame, but this game gave me my Danny DeVito "I get it" moment (well I still think the methods are a little lame bc I'm 100% that bitch); I get now that it's rly about discovering yourself and getting your foot in at what's basically the start of the boundless complexity and endless possibilities that are human lives. I let my turn pass me by, but now more than ever I wanna hang out, I wanna talk to people, I want revenge and I want noise... I want nature and I want sunshine. Mixtape was like getting the childhood I never had.
I'm remembering a moment at the dinosaur place when they're talking about the kid who is cool bc he was smart, got good grades, but also partied hard, and how people worshipped him. I never was the type to party, but I related to that line a lot; I wasn't particularly nerdy-looking so ig I got away w being the smart kid, and people thought I was cool. Thing is, the only thing that ever comes to mind when I think about that is basically summed up in a quote from the chapter prior: "People are so preoccupied with their own self-loathing they'll kill for a little ray of sunshine." You might think someone's got it together, but you never really know what's going on in their heads; I never wanted any of it, I was just a kid. "[...] being young, you never get to go back [...]". I'm 22 now, and the time away from school has allowed ig for some of the trauma to mellow. This game's made me appreciate a lot more that I've still got my youth and it's rly pushed me to take advantage of it.
I struggle w feelings of loneliness a lot and I've hit a particularly low low, to the point where the idea's crossed my mind to break a promise, but it wasn't until my first time playing the game a few weeks ago when I seriously started considering it. School is really not a particularly easy topic for me to talk about, it hurt the life OUT of me and I promised myself I'd never go through something that again. But bread taste better than key and these are the things we do for basic needs; but more than this, Mixtape's made me really crave a young man's experience. I think I wanna go to college... (yk like the omni-man meme). The whole thing is stiiill up in the air, so most of all I just bring it up to illustrate how this game's affected me.
The game's short length 100% enabled it, but this might be the fastest I've come back to replay a game, and it's allowed me to appreciate so much more about it. I was listening to the playlist while writing the Backloggd thing, and went from originally having 50% to maybe 98% of the songs on my own playlists. I appreciate how the characters are about sex and drugs, but that it doesn't define their personalities. I find those kinds of things super insufferable whenever teens are partially or wholly involved in a story; it's what made me wait for reviews (HAHAHA) before playing it. But nope, they're open, they touch each other, they care, they're vulnerable. I was sobbing lmaooo; I want that so bad. I had no idea what this game would become for me.
This is also what Persona did for me; I even made a very similar post on that sub a few years ago. These games having shown me the power of friendship, youth and life. When I first started I figured it would just be a fun short adventure, which I would promptly journal and only come back to remember years later. It wasn't an established IP and I had no clues beyond the announcement trailer. I had no real expectations, only for it to become through compact spectacle, colorful fireworks and impeccable song one of my most profound gaming experiences. It was really weird having something so unassuming so suddenly take up so much space in my head, but it's quickly made its way into my favorite games of all time. I gotta say it's a beautiful fucking feeling.