Anxiety is back, very scared and confused
(M22)
I haven’t gotten sick since I was 5, and ive had this crippling phobia since then.
Ive been in rehab for 5 months, I just got out 2 days ago and moved back in with my mom. I went to 3 different facilities, shared a room with a stranger, shared dorm style bathrooms and single bathrooms with probably 100 different people.
I had little to no fear. I barely thought about this phobia for the first time in my life.
Now Im home with my mom, and my chest feels heavy. I’m starting to think, I haven’t gotten sick in 15 ish years…. It’s going to happen one day, is that day soon ?
I’m terrified to exist right now.
I wonder if it’s because I’m back home, or because I just had a major change. Whatever it is I need to figure out how to stop this phobia. I don’t want to live in fear. Even thinking about this action Terrifies me.
Anyways, I can’t go on this sub anymore because it scares me and fuels my anxiety but I’m just looking for anyone who maybe has an idea as to why the phobia disappeared and then came back.
My sobriety is the most important thing, but right now I wish I could just get rid of the fear inside of me.
Edit: I was also diagnosed with a few disorders including ptsd. I wonder if it’s a trauma response or something from moving back to my childhood home where I haven’t lived in 5 years. Idk just trying to logically figure out what this is because I cannot keep being afraid of my own body. Anxiety, trauma, ocd. Who tf knows I just cannot tolerate this. Why am I terrified of something thats not even happening. Nothing is happening right now.