[MT] Letter to God
I don’t really know how I should speak to You.
I don’t even know if I’m allowed to call You “You.”
For a long time, I truly believed in You.
And for a long time now, I’ve questioned Your existence.
But at the same time… what did You expect?
The only proof You left us were books that I could’ve written myself. And the state of this world only keeps getting worse and worse.
But like every human being, I’m selfish. So this text won’t really be about the world itself, but about the way I see it.
What’s the point of all this?
My actions? The actions of others?
What’s the point of my life?
If the answer depended only on me, I’d say the goal is simply to live a story. A beginning, a conflict, and an ending.
But once again… if I die today, then this entire story will have meant nothing.
People always told me that life was a test. But if we are truly the peak of Your creation, then how do You explain the fact that we are filled with flaws?
Some people will say the devil is behind all of this. Others will say these are the tests we must face every day.
Personally, I think it’s neither.
None of us are truly good or truly evil. We act impulsively. We are driven by what we feel in the present moment, and that pushes us to act selfishly.
So I’ll ask my question again:
What’s the point of all this?
To come into this world only to disappoint and be disappointed?
Do You want to know something, God?
Do You want to know why I stopped praying? Why I stopped believing in You?
Simply because I don’t need You anymore.
You gave us a list of rules to follow in order to become good people, but I already try my best every day to be someone bearable. I already think I’m a decent person.
So whether I follow Your rules or not changes nothing.
I’m without a doubt a better person than some of Your followers, yet because they prayed and confessed, they’ll go to Heaven?
I think there’s a lot more injustice than justice in Your version of fairness.
And I stopped believing in You because I was tired.
And honestly, You can’t blame me for that.
You created me in a way that allows me to become exhausted. And one day, I got tired of praying and seeing absolutely no difference.
I’m not saying You shouldn’t have made us understand that You exist. Thanks to You, people without purpose or direction manage to feel some kind of belonging.
I’m just saying You should’ve shown us a path that was accessible to everyone.
Just like disabled children… maybe I simply wasn’t made to follow the rules written in Your books.
So what then?
Am I condemned to stay on this earth quietly without saying anything?
When I think about it, right now, thousands… maybe even millions of people are talking to You.
But how many of them can truly tell the difference between yesterday, today, and tomorrow?
How many of them will see their dreams come true?
Actually… how many of them still even have dreams left?
You can’t blame me. I’m sorry.
But continuing to believe in You feels like abandoning your own goals and waiting for your message to somehow reach Your inbox.
And honestly, I don’t even think my prayers would ever be considered a priority.
But do You want to know what I truly think, God?
If one day You focused on the people who aren’t urgent instead of only focusing on the worst cases “assuming You even help the worst cases at all” then maybe people would have far fewer problems.
Because if, back when I believed in You, You had helped me… then today You wouldn’t be wasting Your time reading this letter.
You know, God… You are powerful and immense, but I’m convinced that deep down, You feel the same things we do.
Otherwise, I see no explanation for our existence.
You were lonely too.
And You wanted company.
Well… I hope You’re satisfied with the result.
Because thanks to You, seven billion people feel just as alone inside their own minds as You once did.
There’s one undeniable truth in humanity:
Every human being is alike, yet all of us are different.
And if we follow that logic, then You are my creator. Which means a part of You exists inside me.
So what I say, and what I feel… are also parts of You.
Do You want to know the irony behind this entire text?
I lost faith in You two years ago.
And yet I’m still talking to You.
But anyone emotionally intelligent would understand that this was never really about speaking to You. Nor about finding answers to questions invented by mankind.
But since You exist inside me, and inside all of us…
I guess You already knew that.
I’d like to finish by saying that I don’t hate You.
Honestly, I probably would’ve become sadistic too if I had Your powers.
I probably would’ve behaved exactly like You — watching humans destroy each other from above.
And I hope that on Your side… You don’t hate me either for stopping thinking about You.
Signed,
Just another human being.