Salvia Update
Alright so I was posting a couple weeks ago about getting 40x extract and feeling like it was doing nothing (having to smoke multiple full bowls to get to the point of dissociation). I bought 60x from another seller and tried a pinch and got sent into complete dissociation. Since then I’ve been experimenting with salvia, doing a sizable dose every couple of days. Every time I do it, I completely dissociate.
I do not know where I am, who I am, or that I had taken any drugs. It’s an incredibly particular feeling that has a sense of state dependent memory to it. Every time I enter the state, I suddenly remember the thousand thoughts and feelings and realizations that I had last time I smoked. But once the trip is over, I’m always left with random, nonsensical memories of thoughts that I can’t put together.
Every time I trip, I become a floating consciousness. I find my body, personality, and me-ness to be completely alien to me. This usually manifests itself in the form of a movie theater. Where in all the seats are a vast array of consciousnesses watching films of people’s lives. Every consciousness briefly inhabiting a human body for a handful of decades before moving on. Whenever the movie gets to the “scene” of irl me, I always laugh and feel “that’s the one bring controlled right now.” And I have a very hard time believing that that’s actually me.
The last time I did salvia, last night. I had a realization that sent me into a mad dash to wrench myself from the trip into the real world so I could write down my realization before going back to whatever trip was happening. Reading it now, it doesn’t actually make any sense. the words that I typed on my phone I assume are so badly spelled that the autocorrect kept changing it to random words. But the act of trying to write it down and from the scrap I got, I remember pretty well my realization:
I found it completely and utterly immoral that consciousnesses were forced to go through the megahell that is human life for decades at a time. I just found the thought of living so incredibly repulsive that I got mad at the universe.
So uh, thanks salvia… that’s very nice of you to make me think that.
I talk about this but genuinely I’ve had many good expiriences and realizations on salvia, even if they don’t make sense. I’m going to continue using salvia because there’s more to understand. And I think it has genuinely had a good impact on my life so far