I don’t even know if this is the right time to post this or not, but if things keep going like this, I feel like I’ll fall into depression again.
I’ve been preparing for banking and insurance exams since last September. I used to give mocks daily, and my average score was around 55–60, which was considered good back then. I was highly motivated and believed that I would clear all the exams. I appeared for LIC AAO but couldn’t clear the prelims. Then I gave OICL AO, and again couldn’t clear the prelims. Recently, I appeared for RBI Assistant, and honestly, I’m not even sure whether I’ll clear the prelims this time either. There was a time when I used to study for 10–12 hours every single day without getting tired. In fact, I used to enjoy studying. My mock scores were also good. But after giving the RBI Assistant exam and seeing the level of competition, I don’t know what happened to me. I slowly started losing everything. It’s been more than a month now, and in this entire month, I haven’t even studied properly for 10 hours total. My mock scores have dropped to around 45–50, and now I’m not even sure whether I’ll be able to clear RRB. In the beginning, I was extremely motivated. I’m not writing this for sympathy — I just wanted to let out what has been going on inside my mind. And yes, I’ve been through depression once before, and if this keeps going on and my mock scores don’t improve, I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.
