Burnout, Questioning Career
I am in severe, crippling burnout and I am only 3 years in.
My first job was inpatient general surgery - I worked very close with my attendings and felt very supported, but had to leave after 1 year as I moved across the country.
Cue the worst 2 years of my life. About 2 years ago now, I started an outpatient gastroenterology job in New Mexico. It is extremely independent. I feel like I have no support. The clinic is 2 full time PAs (me included), and 1 part time PA. There is an amazing locums PA who has been in and out but is currently out. I did not get much training. No structure to it. Thrown to the wolves if you will. For all of us PAs, we only have one supervising physician. He is in the office for half of the day, 2 days of the week. The rest of the time, he's scoping. We can call him for questions, but often he's unable to answer, and he is also drowning as well. I feel like OpenEvidence and Doximity have been my attending. I have had to teach myself and I feel so lost all of the time - these patients are so complex and it takes my entire soul in order to make sure they are taken care of to the best of my ability - I don't have any "me" left when I get home. The patient population here is incredibly difficult. I am in so far over my head. I am becoming a shell of myself, angry at the world. The patient population is extremely socioeconomically disadvantaged - I have to bear witness to people who don't have running water and can't do their colonoscopies because of it, and can't pay for a hotel in town. Extremely low health literacy. Language and cultural barriers. People who we lose contact with because they get different phone numbers or don't have a phone. Insurance issues. Constant paperwork. Constant inbox - results, documents, messages. It never ends. I am drowning and I can't do it anymore.
I am moving to New Zealand in 2 months. I do not know if I am going to continue working clinically. This experience has made me genuinely question the PA profession altogether. I don't believe in it anymore. At all, unfortunately. I just don't think that getting 2 years of medical education and then practicing independently is safe.
I refuse to continue to endure the chronic levels of stress I have been under the past 2 years. It feels inhumane. The demands are too much. I was wondering if anyone else has felt or feels similar. I feel very alone in all of this.