u/Aggressive-Cell6178

Madaldal naman ako at nakikipag communicate pero need ko'ba dahil halos wala na'ng growth sa mga kaklase ko at may kanya kanya silang mga standard which is hard for me to adjust kase, highschooler palang naman kami also lagi ako'ng nakaka received, ng mga backhanded compliments, tagos sa puso napansin ko lang na dinedepende nila sa itsura ng mga tao yun, yon yung exact reason, why i received backhanded compliments at iba pa about sa looks ko napansin, kolang na halos walang kumukuha lalo na pag groupings, I feel like I'm useless, at walang kwenta lagi ako'ng napagtatawanan at na momock napansin kodin kasi na may bago kaming kaklase, medyo pogi at charismatic compared sakin na average guy lang napansin, kolang dahil ang bilis nya ma accept while ako medyo loner sa loob ng room kahit na famous pero iba kase ung famous sa maraming friends talaga, I just feel like i really need to reflect ka'se tinatanong ko sarile ko bakit ganon iba trato nila sa'kin, I don't have any support like pa'no nagawa ng isa namin bagong kaklase na masali sa cof in just one week while ako na 3 years na eto, napag iiwanan need ko parin yata patunayan na worthy ako para saka nila, pero after all this years ang empty lang kasi may gusto ako e-kwento pero wala, e loner lang talaga ako napaka sakit kase, they find me annoyin at palagi din ako nasisi sa loob ng room, pero feel ko wala na talaga ako'ng gana pumasok madaldal, naman ako pero yun nga yata case they find me annoying?

I'm 15 graduating high school, but I've noticed since last year that I had no progress from my classmate I recently, ask myself why because I'm always talking with them always helping them on something but I'm still not invited like hanging, out or something, else I'm from philipines, by the way I don't know if they just hate me or I'm just annoying, but I've noticed too that they're making fun of me to let you guys know why I'm with them for 3 years is because we're in star section where in smartest students, are there but I don't genuinely considered, myself as one.

I admit I'm insecure to myself because I see the reason, why they're actually treat you good or horrible, base on how you look I look to my mirror and exactly, knew the answer but I give it another shot and it's the same as ever I'm tired being making fun of getting called out by some girls asking me for fun I always received a backhanded, compliment I'm always lonely and feel bad for myself because I got no one to trust because I reveal a secret 3 years ago and they make fun of me because I got a crush on someone saying that I look like a clown, they compared me to Minecraft, because my head looks like that I'm actually crying while making this because I would never forget that they I din't received a single sorry or apology.

I'm actually jealous, on the new transferee because he look so attractive and good looking also man I can't imagine i did this shit for 3 years while him did it only for weeks communicating, with each other they look so comfortable, with him while me I got called a lot of times a weirdo and after all that I din't fight back with words or something I let it slide all the disrespect I received I just let it happen and din't get revenge because that's not how mom taught to me she teach me how to be respectful.

Being called out a weirdo, just because for being myself they're making fun of my style just because my style is hiphop, or based on how rappers, did their fits basically a swag.

A 3 years talking with them vs a weeks and they're inviting him i can't imagine man because I wanted to experience, getting invited I'm not mad on the transferee Im just jealous because, we did the same thing but why I'm always not belong or always lonely through, times.

I actually just wanted to go to school and want some friends not being judged because of how I look if I wish being naturally attractive I would I'm willing to do everything but I already accepted I'm literally just surviving school because of that.

Also my past yes I got bullied in the past but in present times I feel like it's still happening also actually another reason is when I talking with them, they're laughing because they're saying why my dreams is big and unrealistic I said to them there's no unrealistic everything is possible. Another reason why I'm don't have energy to talk with them anymore is because they're stalking my acc and showing that to my classmate, and they're laughing at it too on how I smiled everything to the point I walked with my head is down and I can't even eye contact, with them.

I don't know how to handle this anymore, so I really needed help i don't know from someone so I just post it online i hope I don't get fun of too my anxiety, over the years is getting bad but one thing I'm always i would never get revenge from someone, based on how they treat me I just smiled at them and let it happened.

Sorry for my horrible grammar also while I'm making this I'm actually crying I'm just hiding in my room I can't handle this i experiencing this since I was 11.

I hope you have a great day and thank you very much for reading this.