Anxious stressed and tired
Okay so a little bit of back story, I'll keep it as short as possible.
So August 2024 (day after my 28th birthday) I was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer with metastases in about 70% of my bones.
I ended up having to get an emergency spinal fusion in my neck because a few tumors got so big 3 vertibre in the middle of my neck were fractured. (I've never given birth but I strongly believe there is no pain worse than fractured vertibre in your neck. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy)
I truly remember nothing for the next 48ish hours because I was on a cocktail of drugs stong enough to take out a heard of elephants lol (my body doesn't respond to most opiates, which I learned whilst screaming uncontrollably in the emergency room waiting on my surgeon to arrive) the pain was so bad I think my brain blocked out any memory of this tragedy.
With spinal fusion recovery i was in a neck brace for 6 months straight restricted from looking side to side or bending over or lifting anything over 5 lbs. I still to this day dont have normal mobility of my neck and ill never fully regain in. And its causing serious back pain *longest part of the story please hang in there*
Okay so that was August 2024 im in the hospital for a month after the surgery getting radiation and starting treatment..
Now here's the kicker my neck pain was not the original bone where a tumor was discovered. Way back in May 2024 an xray of my right knee was done due to ongoing pain that was getting worse by the day (this is a really long messed up malpractice issue but im not going to bore you with all the details just know that I had a full clown car of "doctors" steadily misdiagnosing me not taking me seriously and acting like I was some kind of addict looking to score) so I've been trying get my knee replaced for months by the time my neck fracture.
I saw like 5 orthopedic surgeons and a bunch of oncologist in my city. They all just kept passing me off to someone else. Finally I got the best orthopedic oncologist in my state to accept me as a new patient. His office is an hour maybe 2 depending on traffic away from my home. And his first appointment is not until October 2024.
So from May-August I pretty immobile can't work have to leave my job. Im in constant pain because I didn't know that my body doesn't respond to opiates typically and the "great doctors" still think I'm a junkie and do nothing for my pain basically.
Then from August-October I was in even worse shape but at least i was drugged up In a hospital bed for half that time.
I get my knee replaced in October 2024. It's been almost a year since I was able to walk by myself without pain. And once I woke up the nurse took me to the PT gym and I just lost it couldnt stop crying *we all take walking for granted* I was so happy.
The awesome team that did my knee ran additional tests and biopsy and came to the same conclusion I did about the "clowns posing as doctors" where I live and they were so wonderful to get me into see an oncologist who specializes in young women with breast cancer the next day.
My cancer diagnoses is a lot more serious than I was lead to believe. She said we needed to start chemo ASAP because i also have a tumor in my brain sitting millimeters from my optical never. *I will never be able to repay or thank this wonder gift from God of a doctor* I had to do 15 rounds of radiation on my brain. Then I started chemo.. i fortunately still have my eyesight well for the most part. A side effect of the drugs im on currently is blurry vision *nothing permanent allegedly* i went to the eye doctor got glasses and everything (talk about a waste of time and money)
less than 1% of the test subjects prior to this realitivily new chemo drug being approved by the FDA had vision problems while in active treatment and given the ages of those participants loss/blurry vision is the last side effect listed... seriously I have the craziest bad luck lol just keep reading haha
I was supposed to be doing PT for my knee at this time too. The 3 different chemo treatments made me so unbelievably sick I was in and out of the hospital from late November 2024- June 2025.
I lost damn near 100 pounds during this time (before all this cancer shit... I'm 5'11" light-skinned biracial *BODY WAS BANGIN ⏳️ floated between 165lbs -180lbs All Natural. Beautiful thick curly hair always wore some dumb stupid 6in heels.* * during this time When I would catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror I would sincerely be terrified I Looked like thing out of Lord of the Rings but i had nothing precious*
*I still dont recognize myself old pics still bring me to tears* besides the point my bad
after my knee replacement i weighted about 210lbs before the chemo *I was bed ridden for the better part of a year*
June 2025 i weighted 109.8 I couldnt keep food or anything down chemo damn near killed me.. my right leg muscles had basically completely atrophied my left leg was still beautiful tho hahaha
So June 2025 I finally am on the other side of the side effects & Interally everything is going shockingly well. Externally I lost my hair I was as thin as a rail I used a walker i was frail.
And finally got a wonderful Physical therapist and got to work. February 2026 is when I completed going to pt twice a week every week and I still wasn't back to 100% but I was close enough and you know insurance is a b*tch
So ive been walking on my own for all of a little more than a month and one day late March 2026 I get this pain in my hip. I assume i slept wrong and I spend the next 2 day stretching and biking and walking but the pain persists.
I go get an xray the xray doesn't show new tumors or fractures my doctor says heat ice Tylenol blahblahbla but if the pain gets worse call asap.
I already had my regular 3 month check up scans scheduled for the end of April so my orthopedic oncologist just requested a few additional scans and of course
I Have AVN likely caused by the steroids I have to take in order to keep taking the drug literally saving my life (I've had no new growths and im even seeing reduction in size of most tumors)
I seriously cannot believe this after everything I've just gone through now i need A TOTAL HIP REPLACEMENT on the same right leg I just got healthy and working again 😫 I can already see muscle loss starting from non weight baring to help the pain and possibly slow down the speed at which my bone is decaying.
Got another xray yesterday after my chemo treatments and of course AVN is progressing way faster than expected. The pain isn't even the problem like I said spinal fusion showed me real pain...
I'm just so unbelievably scared of loosing all of the progress ive worked so hard to achieve. Not one day has been easy but I just keep going. The thought of being back in the place I was after my knee surgery SCARES ME TO MY CORE.
I haven't been sleeping or had an appetite. I'm just doing as my exercise as I possibly can so when I get the strength to schedule my hip surgery I have a strong foundation.
If you're still reading this you also have great strength lol
My question is am I overreacting?
Everyone keeps telling me the rehab for the hip will be a walk in the park compared to the neck or the knee. And I should just get it over with and start healing.
Im just worried about complications because clearly that is my kinda luck at this point. If it can get worse it does.
I have really long legs Im damn near 6ft I already have a toilet raiser from my prior surgeries but when I use it and my feet are flat on the ground my knees sit higher than my hip. Same with all my furniture. My legs are long asf.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be great. I turn 30 in August and kinda wanted to wait until after that to get the surgery. AND I WANTED TO ENJOY THE SUMMER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YEARS.
However I was in the hospital last year from December 24 2025-Jan 3 2026 and I dont want to miss the holidays again.
Uhhh I just wanna cut the whole leg off atbthis point lol
Jeez this is long im very sorry I tried to keep it to necessary details.