I think I’m falling apart studying abroad and I don’t know what to do anymore(pls help)
wrote this using ai because i cant even get myself to write
I’m studying abroad right now and I genuinely feel like my life is collapsing.
A close friend of mine who studies with me lost his father during exam weeks. Seeing that happen traumatized me because my own dad is old, unhealthy, drinks heavily, smokes constantly, and has a lot of problems with his family. When he’s sober he’s one of the kindest people I know, but he’s drunk most of the time. My mom has endured years of disrespect and emotional abuse from him when he drinks. My sister is traumatized by it too.
I also haven’t spoken to my sister in 2 years after a massive fight where the police got involved. My family feels broken.
After moving abroad I got introduced to weed and it completely destroyed my motivation. I’ve always procrastinated, but now I literally can’t make myself do anything. I’m failing this semester even though I know I’m smart enough to do well. I have exams coming up and I can’t get myself to study no matter how badly I want to.
On top of that, my mom’s aunt — the person who helped me get this scholarship — is dying and probably has less than a week left.
I used to have a lot of friends back home, now I feel like I have nobody. My best friend, who came abroad with me and whose family is close to mine, went back home too. That hit me really hard.
I can’t complete anything I start. I used to go to the gym consistently for years and always talked about changing myself, bulking, improving, etc., but I never follow through. I lie constantly for no reason. I care more about what people think of me than what’s actually happening to me.
I also feel guilty about how I treated my little brother when we were younger. I used to bully him and be mean to him. He’s 10 years younger than me and now we barely talk because we’re awkward around each other.
I already did one year of university in my home country before transferring abroad, but I don’t think I can handle staying here anymore. At the same time, my family doesn’t have much money, and this scholarship is a huge opportunity.
I’ve been crying for 3 days straight and my head feels full 24/7. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I think this is my last attempt at asking for help.