I'm supposed to care about my future but i can't give a sht
My cousin died only days after her 18th birthday, it's been a few months since then but I haven't grieved yet.
Not besides the occasional breakdown and sob fest. I haven't stopped to grieve because I think if I did I don't know if I could get back up. Because then I would also have to face that my grandmother died at Christmas, and that my cousin died - I'll have to face the fact that their really gone.
Only I'm starting school again soon and I can't find it in me to care. I can't fathom caring about math or studying for science class or stressing trying to do well on a test - cause why does that sht matter anyways? But I have to care, this year is very important to me academically and I need good grades to get scholarships, but hell I don't care about school - I really really don't. My cuz hated school anyways. Idk I just need someone to tell me something. I don't know what, maybe that school matters or I should try anyway?
I'm not really sure what I'm looking for advice on - maybe how to grieve or how to give a fck about school but I thought someone may have something to say.