u/Alleywaypaydirt

I had my 4th session today and it was by far the worst. It was also my first morning session and I’ve felt physically and mentally exhausted all day and have felt so sad with bouts of crying. My 1st and 3rd sessions I was a little anxious in but felt fairly relaxed (& a bit tired) afterwards. My 2nd session was AMAZING, like so incredibly blissful and positive and I think I wrongfully assumed that every session going forward was going to be peaceful and relaxing and that overall, this whole thing would be fairly easy. Is it normal to feel up and down depending on the session? So far, I’ve felt pretty relaxed after each session with minimal side effects so it kind of freaked me out to feel so shitty today. I don’t think I fully understood before I started what a journey this would be. I definitely don’t want to quit and absolutely want to see it through. I feel like hearing some other people’s experiences would be helpful though and knowing if other people felt a little all over the place and emotionally fragile during the first few sessions.

These are some musings (and maybe a question) I have after my first few sessions. The first was last week (56mg to start) and it was a lot more intense than I expected. I had read a lot about it feeling like you're a little dissociated and floaty, or the feeling when you’re cross-faded. For me, it was a lot more intense!! I got a little anxious during that session because I wasn’t expecting the effects to be so noticeable. I felt some intense emotions come up and ended up crying for a good part of the session. It was very cathartic. I ended up leaving the session feeling a little more anxious though-the thought of having to get very high multiple times a week in the middle of the day started to feel daunting. I also read from a few people that if you’ve taken psychedelics before (which I have many a time) that it potentially wouldn’t feel like much but that was not my experience at all! Late last week was my 2nd session (86mg) and it was…beautiful! I knew what to expect after the first session and I feel like I was able to completely relax, relinquish control and feel whatever feelings came up. It was an intensely positive experience and honestly very enjoyable. I left feeling lighter and calmer for almost a full 24 hours. I know not everyone feels the effects that intensely and some who do don’t necessarily enjoy how it feels. I do find it so interesting though that the side effects (getting really high and having a little trip) aren’t connected with the positive effects it’s actually having on the brain. My 2nd session was so beautiful and my first was really helpful in some ways too. It’s hard not to feel like the little psychedelic journey where you can work some stuff out is not actually doing anything?? I’m not sure what I’m trying to say but my mind is kind of blown after my first week of sessions and I’m looking forward to this week and the experiences I might have while I’m sprooted (I read that on another thread and love that term for the Spravato experience 😂). I have tried talking to my boyfriend about all of this but since he hasn’t experienced it I don’t think he understands why I’ve been talking about what I felt during the sessions non-stop for the past few days! Does anyone else love how it feels and in a way maybe thinks that the in-session experience contributes to its overall effectiveness?