Direct Hit During Staple Removal
PGY-2 on gen surg clinic. Already running 90 minutes behind because attending decided every postop wound “builds character” and doesn’t need home health.
Medical student sees routine staple removal. I toss him the remover and say “you got this,” because this is how academic medicine perpetuates trauma.
Patient mentions diarrhea for “a couple days.” Everyone ignores it because half the postop census has either C. diff, opioid constipation, tube feeds, or all three simultaneously.
Five minutes later I hear:
pfffft
Then silence.
Then:
PBLBLBLBLBLBL
I look over and witness a biological IED detonate across exam room 4. Student attempts evasive maneuver on rolly stool, immediately experiences loss of traction, performs textbook FOOSH directly into blast radius.
Poor guy stands up absolutely shell shocked, covered from Figs to Patagonia quarter zip. Just staring into middle distance like he’s seen Fallujah.
Nurses are crying laughing at the desk. One of the scrub techs says “welcome to surgery” without even looking up from her phone.
Meanwhile I’m trying to figure out:
Is this an employee health issue?
Do I need an incident report?
Is stool splash to the face technically an exposure?
Most importantly, who’s finishing the staple removal?
Student disappears for 2 hours. Returns in hospital-issued OR scrubs looking spiritually altered. Didn’t say a word the rest of clinic.
Honestly? This was probably the most realistic surgical education he got all month. No sim lab can replicate the decision-making required when a human being turns into a lawn sprinkler at point blank range.