u/Alternative_Car3768

Location: Nebraska

I’m trying to find out whether other people have experienced anything similar involving a parent in a nursing home, a sibling with POA, and facility staff treating the POA as if they have authority to control the resident’s communication with family and outside advocates.

My mom is in a nursing facility. My sister is her POA, but there has been an ongoing pattern of my mom’s communication with family and outside advocates being controlled, restricted, delayed, monitored, and obstructed by the facility and through reliance on my sister’s POA. My understanding is that a POA is not the same thing as guardianship, and my mom has repeatedly expressed wanting contact with me and other family members.

For months there have been issues involving blocked visits, restricted communication, refusal to facilitate callbacks, and staff treating family contact as illegitimate or inappropriate. A police officer who spoke with the facility and my sister told me that my mom is allowed to make calls, but that all of her calls have to be three-way calls. The officer also said that calls with me specifically were being restricted because my mom allegedly becomes upset after talking with me.

On May 16, my mom used another resident’s cell phone to call me because, according to the resident, she otherwise has to make calls in a public “bullpen” area where everyone can hear. During the call, staff confronted both my mom and the resident. A staff member identifying herself as the house supervisor stated that my mom was not allowed to use the resident’s phone and referred to an “official form” being required for “transfer of property ownership.” The resident objected to staff trying to physically take his phone and repeatedly said it was his property.

Afterward, that resident called me back and said my mom had asked him to pass along a message that she was not able to call me on the facility lines. He said she was only allowed to call my sister, although he thought she might be allowed to receive incoming calls.

Later that same day, my adult son called the facility trying to speak with his grandmother. He clearly identified himself as her grandson. Staff repeatedly refused to let him wait on hold while they located her and instead insisted on a callback. When he again asked to wait, the staff member responded, “No, I’m not playing this game, Kim,” even though my son had already identified himself as my mom’s grandson. My son clarified who he was and explained that I could be heard in the background because we live together. Staff still refused to let him wait and ended the call without connecting him to his grandmother.

The part that concerns me the most is the ombudsman issue. Staff told me that my sister/POA would need to approve my mom’s contact with the Long-Term Care Ombudsman. When police became involved, police were told staff would need to check with the Director of Nursing regarding my mom’s access/contact with the ombudsman. That does not sound lawful to me. I thought nursing home residents had the right to contact the ombudsman privately and without needing POA approval or facility permission.

I have already tried Adult Protective Services and that route has not been effective. I am now filing a complaint with the state health facility investigations/licensure complaint process regarding resident rights, communication restrictions, and ombudsman access.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar?

Specifically:
- Can a POA require that all calls be three-way calls?
- Can a facility prevent or delay private ombudsman contact?
- Can staff refuse to connect family calls and insist on callbacks that never happen?
- Has anyone successfully challenged communication restrictions like this?
- Did an ombudsman, elder law attorney, state complaint investigation, or another agency actually help?

I’m not asking anyone to act as my lawyer. I’m trying to understand whether other people have encountered nursing homes treating POA authority this broadly and what practical steps actually helped.