sleeping with quran ?
Salams brothers and sisters.
So i'm a male working as a software engineer. The thing is that due to some experiences in the last couple of years and because of my sensitive, highly emotional, overthinking personality and regretting nature, my mental health has deteriorated a lot. My brain and psychology is stuck with the negative experiences and I cant shake them off. Cant erase them from my memory. And my brain just constantly bombards me with these bad past experiences and I get panic attacks, my anxiety shoots and my heartbeat goes through the roof. It is a very complex situation and I dont want to take medicines to deal with this. They have their own issues and side effects. Rather I am trying to live a life where I just keep myself away from all these triggers of anxiety. But its not easy because even small negative experiences now dwell in my brain and it just punches me with them.
The situation is so bad that I get these panic attacks, racing heartbeat and shooting stress while sleep as well. During sleep I'm shivering with anxiety and stress, often reciting Allah Akbar, istighfar etc while this happens in sleep. I'm just not myself at those moments. I feel so devastated and just want Allah to be near me. Lately I've started to keep quran on the side of the bed and when i get this attack during the night, I grab it, put it on my chest and just squeeze tightly. This comforts me during this anxiety attack. It gives me a sense that Allah is near. This is the biggest consolation for me during this time when my stress shoots in my sleep. I wanted to ask that is it ok for me to do this ? I dont even have a wudu at that point. I'm not dishonouring the sanctity of quran ? I can perhaps keep a piece of cloth and use that for holding it. But my situation is very very bad in those moments and just tightly hugging the quran is the only source of any consolation in those moments.
The stress is so much in those moments that it is not possible for me to get up and pray. I mean only the people who've gone through such a level of anxiety and stress can understand.
I just wish there was a way to erase off these triggers from our memories.