u/Amazing_Obligation27

Need honest stylist opinions on this situation because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m being unfairly blamed or if I’m missing something professionally.

For context, I’ve been doing hair since 2009. I’ve trained extensively around the U.S. and England, worked editorial/runway, and done hair internationally. I’m very comfortable with corrective work and generally very meticulous, especially with clients who are emotionally attached to their hair.

This client has a lot of anxiety and attachment surrounding her hair due to personal history and lack of autonomy around it growing up. Her hair was extremely long, around lower back length, fine texture, medium density, naturally wavy/curly. Ironically, her hair doesn’t hold a curl well from hot tools despite being naturally textured.

Back in 2023, I absolutely made a haircut mistake during a really difficult period in my personal life where I was severely depressed and honestly not functioning at my normal level mentally, though I was still working.

She likes lots of layers in the front and facial framing and layers overdirected forward while keeping most of the length and density in the back. During that haircut, I removed more length than I intended and also parted the hair incorrectly, which caused the face framing to sit unevenly.

She felt like I cut off about a foot of hair. Realistically, it was closer to around 6 inches, but with someone who is extremely emotionally attached to their hair, I completely understand why it felt catastrophic to her. And I also accept my fault at that. Even after the cut, her hair was still very long by most people’s standards, but that obviously didn’t change how upsetting it felt for her personally.

When she told me she was upset, I took responsibility for it. Instead of continuing to remove more length aggressively to “fix” it, I recommended conservative micro trims while allowing it to grow. Every single time I trimmed it afterward, I physically showed her exactly how much I was taking off before cutting so she felt comfortable and in control of the process. Over time we got the framing evened out and the length back to where she wanted it.

Important context:
Within about a year after that, she became interested in going red. She had wanted to try it for a long time but was extremely nervous about committing to it. She couldn’t really articulate exactly what type of red she wanted and couldn’t find a perfect reference photo, but she could easily point out reds she hated. I love doing reds and understood the direction she was trying to achieve.

We booked the red appointment a couple different times and she backed out both times because she got anxious about changing her hair, which was completely okay.

Before finally committing, she even asked her now ex-husband what he thought about her going red. He basically responded that it was her hair and she should do what she wanted, but she was upset because she actually wanted to know what he personally preferred.

Eventually she went through with it. During the appointment she actually had an anxiety attack because changing her hair was such an emotionally significant thing for her. But once it was done, she absolutely loved it and it honestly suited her incredibly well.

Later she decided she wanted to go back blonde because her natural level is around a 7/8. As her roots grew in against the artificial red, the contrast made the top/root area appear very sparse and almost like she was balding, especially because she has fine textured hair. It was really bothering her.

I explained VERY clearly that there were only two realistic options:

1. Slowly transition lighter over multiple appointments with foils over time.
2. Do a very long corrective session to remove as much red as possible in one day.

I also VERY clearly explained that either option would involve some damage because bleach is bleach. There is no magical zero-damage way to remove artificial red pigment from the hair.

She chose the long correction session.

I spent 13 hours doing extremely meticulous back-to-back foils using very fine sections, low developer, Olaplex throughout, K18 prep beforehand, and carefully avoiding the new growth. I was honestly being even more cautious than usual specifically because I knew how emotionally attached she was to her hair. I used 10vol bleach with Olaplex. Continuously was checking packets on a five to ten minute increment. After got the mid shaft and the ends passed the orange, I went back and did again two different formulas of bleach. One for the root and one for the mid shaft and ends. Both with Olaplex. I was also consistently checking the strength of her hair.

We got her to a very even blonde. There was no melting, gummy texture, snapping, or compromised areas. Her hair still felt like hair. It still felt soft and silky overall, and she even commented herself that it felt significantly healthier than she expected after such a major color correction.

I also sent her home with Olaplex No. 1 and No.2 and toner so she wouldn’t have to spend extra money coming back in immediately. I told her exactly how to use it and how often.

Fast forward:
She started going through a divorce and began going out constantly, dating a lot, styling her hair all the time, flat ironing it, curling it, heat styling regularly, etc. She also did not get a haircut from September 15th, 2024 until recently, when another stylist friend cut around 8 inches off.

Now apparently she’s telling people I destroyed her hair, half her hair broke off, and that I deserve to lose my license.

Obviously bleach causes some degree of damage. I’m not arguing otherwise. And I fully own the haircut mistake from 2023.

But from a professional standpoint, is it unreasonable for me to feel like nearly two years of regular heat styling, toning, environmental wear, and no trims on previously lightened hair played a major role in the condition her hair ended up in?

I’m genuinely asking because I’m trying to evaluate this objectively and professionally instead of emotionally. Also to it should be stated that this client is one of my best friends. Which is why I sent her home with Olaplex and toner.

Need honest stylist opinions on this situation because I genuinely cannot tell if I’m being unfairly blamed or if I’m missing something professionally.

For context, I’ve been doing hair since 2009. I’ve trained extensively around the U.S. and England, worked editorial/runway, and done hair internationally. I’m very comfortable with corrective work and generally very meticulous, especially with clients who are emotionally attached to their hair.

This client has a lot of anxiety and attachment surrounding her hair due to personal history and lack of autonomy around it growing up. Her hair was extremely long, around lower back length, fine texture, medium density, naturally wavy/curly. Ironically, her hair doesn’t hold a curl well from hot tools despite being naturally textured.

Back in 2023, I absolutely made a haircut mistake during a really difficult period in my personal life where I was severely depressed and honestly not functioning at my normal level mentally, though I was still working.

She likes lots of layers in the front and facial framing and layers overdirected forward while keeping most of the length and density in the back. During that haircut, I removed more length than I intended and also parted the hair incorrectly, which caused the face framing to sit unevenly.

She felt like I cut off about a foot of hair. Realistically, it was closer to around 6 inches, but with someone who is extremely emotionally attached to their hair, I completely understand why it felt catastrophic to her. And I also accept my fault at that. Even after the cut, her hair was still very long by most people’s standards, but that obviously didn’t change how upsetting it felt for her personally.

When she told me she was upset, I took responsibility for it. Instead of continuing to remove more length aggressively to “fix” it, I recommended conservative micro trims while allowing it to grow. Every single time I trimmed it afterward, I physically showed her exactly how much I was taking off before cutting so she felt comfortable and in control of the process. Over time we got the framing evened out and the length back to where she wanted it.

Important context:
Within about a year after that, she became interested in going red. She had wanted to try it for a long time but was extremely nervous about committing to it. She couldn’t really articulate exactly what type of red she wanted and couldn’t find a perfect reference photo, but she could easily point out reds she hated. I love doing reds and understood the direction she was trying to achieve.

We booked the red appointment a couple different times and she backed out both times because she got anxious about changing her hair, which was completely okay.

Before finally committing, she even asked her now ex-husband what he thought about her going red. He basically responded that it was her hair and she should do what she wanted, but she was upset because she actually wanted to know what he personally preferred.

Eventually she went through with it. During the appointment she actually had an anxiety attack because changing her hair was such an emotionally significant thing for her. But once it was done, she absolutely loved it and it honestly suited her incredibly well.

Later she decided she wanted to go back blonde because her natural level is around a 7/8. As her roots grew in against the artificial red, the contrast made the top/root area appear very sparse and almost like she was balding, especially because she has fine textured hair. It was really bothering her.

I explained VERY clearly that there were only two realistic options:

1. Slowly transition lighter over multiple appointments with foils over time.
2. Do a very long corrective session to remove as much red as possible in one day.

I also VERY clearly explained that either option would involve some damage because bleach is bleach. There is no magical zero-damage way to remove artificial red pigment from the hair.

She chose the long correction session.

I spent 13 hours doing extremely meticulous back-to-back foils using very fine sections, low developer, Olaplex throughout, K18 prep beforehand, and carefully avoiding the new growth. I was honestly being even more cautious than usual specifically because I knew how emotionally attached she was to her hair. I used 10vol bleach with Olaplex. Continuously was checking packets on a five to ten minute increment. After got the mid shaft and the ends passed the orange, I went back and did again two different formulas of bleach. One for the root and one for the mid shaft and ends. Both with Olaplex. I was also consistently checking the strength of her hair.

We got her to a very even blonde. There was no melting, gummy texture, snapping, or compromised areas. Her hair still felt like hair. It still felt soft and silky overall, and she even commented herself that it felt significantly healthier than she expected after such a major color correction.

I also sent her home with Olaplex No. 1 and No.2 and toner so she wouldn’t have to spend extra money coming back in immediately. I told her exactly how to use it and how often.

Fast forward:
She started going through a divorce and began going out constantly, dating a lot, styling her hair all the time, flat ironing it, curling it, heat styling regularly, etc. She also did not get a haircut from September 15th, 2024 until recently, when another stylist friend cut around 8 inches off.

Now apparently she’s telling people I destroyed her hair, half her hair broke off, and that I deserve to lose my license.

Obviously bleach causes some degree of damage. I’m not arguing otherwise. And I fully own the haircut mistake from 2023.

But from a professional standpoint, is it unreasonable for me to feel like nearly two years of regular heat styling, toning, environmental wear, and no trims on previously lightened hair played a major role in the condition her hair ended up in?

I’m genuinely asking because I’m trying to evaluate this objectively and professionally instead of emotionally. Also to it should be stated that this client is one of my best friends. Which is why I sent her home with Olaplex and toner.