u/Amazing_Position_605

I'm happy to finally experience slight cramps and bleeding. It also feels freeing when you don't feel the morning sickness or nausea anymore. But what most people don't tell you about the aftermath is the emotional struggle.

Sleepless nights. Overthinking. The guilt. The anger. The blaming, endless conclusions, what ifs, and the muffled screams after the thoughts have consumed you. I keep crying quietly because I can't let my room mates hear me. They don't know anything at all. Nothing. But they noticed how I looked empty most days. And honestly, that's true. I've never felt more alone, even before the procedure. No one to turn to. They wouldn't understand at all. And I don't plan on burdening anyone with a truth that they don't want to carry. It's not for them to keep.

I keep coming back here to try and help people. I don't want them to feel as helpless like I did before. Pero tangina, nauubos na ako. I want to rest, I really do.

Edit: TL; DR is, prepare yourselves mentally and emotionally. Get a strong support group, kasi yun ang magiging panlaban niyo. Stay strong girlies. This isn't a walk in the park, it's a complicated process (mas complicated pa sa pinapagawa ng local sellers na prep). May you all heal well.

Preparation Phase:

1. Do light core exercises to aid with contractions and faster recovery

2. Increase Iron intake with Vitamin C. Prioritize nutrients that support blood production.

3. Hydrate! And lessen sugar and salt intake.

4. High fiber foods to cleanse your gut (easier to pass stools before the procedure)

During the Procedure:

1. While dissolving the Miso tablets, distract yourself. Set the timer and do your usual tasks (if you can, rest if you feel intense cramps during this period)

2. When taking the remnants of the dissolved tablets, you can swallow it with cold water or any sweet beverage (I used iced tea in my case, use whatever you like)

3. Take light foods to reduce the chance of vomiting

4. You may take Loperamide to reduce diarrhea

5. Have someone by your side during the whole procedure.

After the Procedure: REST! Do not push yourself too much if you feel weak. You can walk for a minute if you feel restless but don't push yourself too much.

Add your personal tips sa comments. Ganito ginawa ko during my procedure.

TRIGGER WARNING:

9 weeks, and done with MA last Saturday early morning.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that I met and talked to dito sa reddit and sa mga nakausap ko sa TG. I have been dealing with this problem by myself kasi the person who gave me Elysse left me with no support. Not even moral support that didn't require money or resources. It was devastating for me to go through this, because I never wanted to be a mother at all. I'm suicidal, and I'm not capable of committing myself to take care of anyone, not even a child.

I have no choice but to stay strong and push through the hard symptoms of pregnancy and desperation. I wanted to end it all, the fear of people finding out, the whispers that I will hear from everyone around me, I simply don't want to hear any of it. But mostly, I don't want to simply give birth to a child that I don't have the full certainty of knowing if I could love her with all of my heart. Funny enough, I gave her a name. I suddenly thought "Elysse" would be her name. I'd say her name in my mind everytime I feel numb and alone. I don't feel any guilt with my decision, but in my heart, I'll always keep carrying her with me everywhere I go. (I do hope she could help grow the mango seed that I buried with her. If she has a spirit, I pray that she blesses it to bear fruit for everyone.)

Thanks to FPOP, to miss L and her group of girlies who helped me push through with their silly antics and support, and to my brother who stuck with me during the procedure. Lol, naawa ako kasi I didn't want to bother him with such a heavy problem but he never thought twice about staying awake to help me with the process.

TL;DR, I'm thanking people here.

Pero aside from this lengthy post, this is my way of saying thanks. I'll try to keep helping people here so they don't have to feel alone like the same way that I did. And please practice safe sex!